Good Relationship Articles
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CTR
The Realist guy here period
byebye said:
That's why I am having my fun before setting down. Most guys rush or feel obligated to get marry because it is almost an Asian norm. They don't take the time to explore and enjoy the single life before setting down. I mean enjoy by going after various goals, trips, adventures, partying, etc. In addition, I think most guys don't take the time to venture onto new hobbies so that it would satisfy their thirst for adventure/challenges.
Foundation is key in that regard. A house built upon a good stable foundation will last longer than a house built upon a cheap one. Males are visual being as we senses almost everything with our eyes while female are more emotional being. I was watching the National Graphic channel the other day and I was watching a male baboon checking the readiness of the female baboon with his senses but it was apparent he noticed her with his visual cues first.
To P'Sarn, you'll be alright.
@CTR...that is what I always tell my husband that he settled down too early. We got married when he was 25 and I think he never fully experienced all the things a single man needs to before settling down. Men, do need that time to get it out of their system or else they will look back and to a certain extend resent that they didn't have a chance to be themselves.
Now, it takes people longer to get married or have kids, which I think is a good thing. Some even realized they don't want to get married or be a parent. Sometimes, I believe there's someone for everyone.
Now, it takes people longer to get married or have kids, which I think is a good thing. Some even realized they don't want to get married or be a parent. Sometimes, I believe there's someone for everyone.
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
CTR said:
That's why I am having my fun before setting down. Most guys rush or feel obligated to get marry because it is almost an Asian norm. They don't take the time to explore and enjoy the single life before setting down. I mean enjoy by going after various goals, trips, adventures, partying, etc. In addition, I think most guys don't take the time to venture onto new hobbies so that it would satisfy their thirst for adventure/challenges.
Foundation is key in that regard. A house built upon a good stable foundation will last longer than a house built upon a cheap one. Males are visual being as we senses almost everything with our eyes while female are more emotional being. I was watching the National Graphic channel the other day and I was watching a male baboon checking the readiness of the female baboon with his senses but it was apparent he noticed her with his visual cues first.
To P'Sarn, you'll be alright.
byebye said:
I guess my husband was an oddball lol. He knew by 20 that he wanted to settle down hence why we got married so young. He felt that he knew what he wanted in a wife already by that point because alot of the girls he was involved with. He found them fun, but when he thought forward to a few years he didn't see himself lasting with them. He said when he met me it felt like he had known me all his life and there was no awkwardness of getting to know a person, and everything just felt right. I remember talking to him one day and he was like "We should get married." I laughed because I thought he was joking, but it turns out he wasn't. For me I was involved with a few people who were just horrible or gave me bad experiences in relationships, and when I met him he treated me with the respect that I deserved. This was something I didn't get in some of my relationships when I dated guys. Also he didn't expect anything crazy from me lol. I remember I dated one guy who kept pressuring me to have sex and I was like 16 or 17. I was like I'm still a kid at heart what??! I was naive and didn't know how people here saw relationships. Then I think back to it and I knew girls in middle school that were pregnant lol. I was a silly little girl who didn't believe in sex before marriage before in lakorns rofl! One of the points where I choose to break up with a guy was whenever they pulled the, "If you loved me you would want to show me and express it." I'm like 1. I'm still a teenager and not old enough to know what love is. 2. If you LOVED ME like you claim you did, you wouldn't try to manipulate me into doing something I'm uncomfortable with. I remember when I told someone "i'm still a teenager and not old enough to know what love is." They were like "Romeo and Juliet were 14 and 19/20." I was like you know alot of people died in that story right? Lol.
I used to think maybe my husband did settle down to early for a guy and will miss out on all the things guys shouldn't miss out on. He still goes out with his friends, and still does some of the stuff he wants. It's not like being married means you have to sacrifice your fun lol. Well only the part where you date other girls I guess lol. He doesn't like going out much and only does it if its like a special occasion or his best friend is in town. He likes spending time at home watching a movie more than anything, and sometimes it frustrates me because I have stuff to do, but then I see the look on his face when he realizes he is taking up my time so I just pretend I'm done and watch the movie with him lol. Sometimes when we have time we both go to the arcade together and take my little sisters or we go alone. Now we're both nearing the age of 30 and I don't think either of us regret our decision. It's been 8 years and seems like just yesterday he moved his life from another state to be with me.
I agree with this quote lol. I've always told the husband that if he ever hurt me or betray me in anyway, I will have no problem just leaving him. As much as I love him, I will always love myself more. I mean if you don't love yourself more then how can you expect to love someone else? Also when you've given so much time of your life and they didn't have a problem destroying it for one small thing then it isn't worth your time and commitment. My dad raised me to have pride in myself and respect myself and I would never disappoint my father in being with someone who disrespects or diminishes my sense of pride. Also the person you're with and eventually have children with has to be a good example to your children. Wouldn't want my child to see a toxic home environment where the father/mother doesn't respect the other. How your children see you deal with these things are what shapes their own mental and emotional response. If you tolerate it they will think it is normal behavior and tolerate it when it is done to them.cecilia said:Have to think about this tonight
hmmmm....The thing is my husband doesn't have friends where he hangs around with or go out with. When he has free time he's with the family. I sometimes, wonder why he doesn't have anyone close to just do things with. If he does have dinner or be with his friends, he'll bring us along.
He did have some growing up to do when we first got married. That we both agreed on, though is expected. In his line of work, he has to talk crazy for people to understand but he try not to bring it home. The only thing I can't stand about him is he's soooooooooooo sarcastic lol. I can be too...but I don't think I can beat him. He has gotten better lately because I told him that it bothers me for him to keep on doing it...and seriously, it's just stupid Because then, I will say something dumb and the next thing we knew we argued.
My husband didn't date much before he got married...he had one serious relationship that lasted about 1 year. When he met me, he knew he wanted to marry me. He said, he knew he wanted to marry me because he saw potential in me lol. Obviously, not the potential he was looking for because I don't cook, don't like cleaning and has a mouth that's faster than my brain. Since he married me without getting to know me, he got the opposite of what he wants.
We talked the other day, and looked back to our marriage and we both shake our heads and smile knowing we made it this far. Once we reached our 16th anniversary we know it won't take long to get to our 20th. Once we reached that...well it'll be a miracle lol
He did have some growing up to do when we first got married. That we both agreed on, though is expected. In his line of work, he has to talk crazy for people to understand but he try not to bring it home. The only thing I can't stand about him is he's soooooooooooo sarcastic lol. I can be too...but I don't think I can beat him. He has gotten better lately because I told him that it bothers me for him to keep on doing it...and seriously, it's just stupid
Because then, I will say something dumb and the next thing we knew we argued.My husband didn't date much before he got married...he had one serious relationship that lasted about 1 year. When he met me, he knew he wanted to marry me. He said, he knew he wanted to marry me because he saw potential in me lol. Obviously, not the potential he was looking for because I don't cook, don't like cleaning and has a mouth that's faster than my brain. Since he married me without getting to know me, he got the opposite of what he wants.
We talked the other day, and looked back to our marriage and we both shake our heads and smile knowing we made it this far. Once we reached our 16th anniversary we know it won't take long to get to our 20th. Once we reached that...well it'll be a miracle lol
CTR
The Realist guy here period
Guess, you found a guy who was ready to settle down and he had fulfilled his goals. It is not that I don't know what I want in a long term relationship with a girl. It is more about what I value at the moment and if I am ready to give up a part of me. When a person is marry, they give up a part of themselves "some form of freedom." I'm not talking about sexual freedom but just freedom in general. So the past two years, I took a personality test and my assumptions about myself were correct. It stated that I was an INTJ and that the three most pressing things is that I am introvert, very goal orientated, and need the most independence out of the 16 personality types.KhoOnxNouxWanxJai said:
Thus, I have come to the conclusion that my values are different from other guys. It is not unique but just different on my outlook on life. For me, I am always finding new areas to challenge myself. I love competition and my drive to succeed is big. It is not an ego thing but rather gathering as much information as possible. I don't gamble, barely drink alcohol, don't smoke, etc. I'm a straight edge.
At the moment, I am in the process of writing my first novel and I am even taking informal singing lessons. My previous jobs just didn't fulfill "my drive or the creative side of me." I have always wondered to myself on my previous job, is this it in life? Go to work, come home, sleep, eat, etc. Sit the cubicle and stare at the clock until it is time to go home. You might have found a keeper and hope you guys are happily the end.
But mid-life crisis if there is one doesn't start until 40's. Ncmeowmeow35
sarNie Oldmaid
Everyone thinks i'm scared of marriage now after 2 divorces but it isn't that I am but more like I'm done with it and I don't think it is for me. I still date here and there and all the guys i date are in the need to have a family really soon age so i let it be known on the first date that i'm mot looking for a commitment. Often time the guys are truly surprised and find it funny that i was so straight forward lol. They all think at my age I was looking for marriage. Then the other half thinks i'm just looking for friends with benefits, like seriously? Lol, just because I don't want marriage doesn't mean i'm dating because I just want sex. I just want a good friendship. Are there any guys out there that just want that? I need him to have his own money and my age or older though cus no, I'm not a cougar nor am I anyone's sugar momma. Heheh is that a bit too much to ask?
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
byebye said:hmmmm....The thing is my husband doesn't have friends where he hangs around with or go out with. When he has free time he's with the family. I sometimes, wonder why he doesn't have anyone close to just do things with. If he does have dinner or be with his friends, he'll bring us along.
He did have some growing up to do when we first got married. That we both agreed on, though is expected. In his line of work, he has to talk crazy for people to understand but he try not to bring it home. The only thing I can't stand about him is he's soooooooooooo sarcastic lol. I can be too...but I don't think I can beat him. He has gotten better lately because I told him that it bothers me for him to keep on doing it...and seriously, it's just stupid
My husband didn't date much before he got married...he had one serious relationship that lasted about 1 year. When he met me, he knew he wanted to marry me. He said, he knew he wanted to marry me because he saw potential in me lol. Obviously, not the potential he was looking for because I don't cook, don't like cleaning and has a mouth that's faster than my brain. Since he married me without getting to know me, he got the opposite of what he wants.
We talked the other day, and looked back to our marriage and we both shake our heads and smile knowing we made it this far. Once we reached our 16th anniversary we know it won't take long to get to our 20th. Once we reached that...well it'll be a miracle lol
I think everyone has alot of growing up to do when they first get married, also sometimes potential doesn't always mean the cook, clean, and all that lol. Potential could mean multiple things, and the bringing you guys along maybe because he just like to be with his family? My husband ALWAYS tries to drag me wherever he goes, and I'm like no. I don't want to go sit there and be with you and your friends as the only girl there.
CTR said:Guess, you found a guy who was ready to settle down and he had fulfilled his goals. It is not that I don't know what I want in a long term relationship with a girl. It is more about what I value at the moment and if I am ready to give up a part of me. When a person is marry, they give up a part of themselves "some form of freedom." I'm not talking about sexual freedom but just freedom in general. So the past two years, I took a personality test and my assumptions about myself were correct. It stated that I was an INTJ and that the three most pressing things is that I am introvert, very goal orientated, and need the most independence out of the 16 personality types.
Thus, I have come to the conclusion that my values are different from other guys. It is not unique but just different on my outlook on life. For me, I am always finding new areas to challenge myself. I love competition and my drive to succeed is big. It is not an ego thing but rather gathering as much information as possible. I don't gamble, barely drink alcohol, don't smoke, etc. I'm a straight edge.
At the moment, I am in the process of writing my first novel and I am even taking informal singing lessons. My previous jobs just didn't fulfill "my drive or the creative side of me." I have always wondered to myself on my previous job, is this it in life? Go to work, come home, sleep, eat, etc. Sit the cubicle and stare at the clock until it is time to go home. You might have found a keeper and hope you guys are happily the end.
I wouldn't say he has fulfilled his goals, he's still working on them lol. He went to school once, got his degree while working full and part time, and he's going back to school again to get another degree. I know what you mean with the "freedom" thing. Like the going back to school if he wants to he just can't be like "I'm going back." He'd have to talk to me about it as I am his wife, and we would make the decision together. I will always support him in anything he wants to do, but as you said he doesn't have the freedom to just make the decision he wants.
As for the job thing that is what he was like to, "Is this it to life? Go to work, come home, and then dread going to work again?" That is why he decided to go to school. He isn't quite working in the field he wants to yet, but he did quit his old job and went to a job that is close to what field he wants to slowly make advancements up to what he wants. This made me happy for him because he just seems so much more happy now. He always comes home and tells me about all these amazing things that happened at work, but also the complaints lol. He doesn't habitually complain about not wanting to go to work anymore. The same for school when he was going to school everyday was an adventure for him, and so many things he would come home and tell me. He often would thank me for pushing him to go to school when he was hesitant. I supported him because I knew that it was in his mind, I didn't want him to wake up one day and think, "What if I had gone and got that degree?"
I have a minor in psychology (although not official because I haven't applied for graduation yet due to changing majors), and mid life crisis is something I learned about a lot in many of my psych classes. I would often think, "I don't want this to be me." So if there is anything I want to do (which normally are very small simple things) I would do them. If my husband wants to do anything I am there for support always because it goes both ways none of us should allow the other one regret not doing something. Example most recently for me was re-learning how to play a few instruments (some which are expensive), he thought this would be a good idea because if we had kids and as they grow up who better to teach them instruments then their own parent right? Also playing instrument is a good way of relieving stress for me, and he likes to hear me play. As for him his most recent conquest is building his own motorcycle and ruckus (basically a motor scooter bike), and I've supported him and even help him locate parts
Everyone is different, and I understand your views. Sometimes knowing what you want doesn't mean you want it right away when it comes to relationships. You just know what you want and don't want to jeopardize goals and plans you have for yourself in the future. This is something that most guys should look at if they aren't quite sure about their relationships. I know many guys who get married to their girlfriends because they've been "dating along time." To me this has never been a good reason to get married lol.
I know where you are coming from! My best friend she's single with 1 divorce, and dates, but people often consider her promiscuous. I'm like doesn't being promiscuous mean having multiple sex partners?? She just wants someone to enjoy her company, and she enjoys his without the strings attached. She always tells me about how she has great dates with someone then about a month or two later they are ready to propose. She use to date this guy for 2 years and they enjoyed just being together without the labels and stuff like that, but he was of Cambodian origin and was getting old and his parents pressured him to get married. My friend didn't want to no matter how much she liked him. He ended up marrying someone that his aunt found for him. That marriage is rocky and after a few months he was coming to my friend to complain about his marriage, and my friend told him to go try to make it work with his wife and not to contact her anymore, because even if she liked him, he's married now and made the decision to marry her regardless of the reason, so he should be obligated to make things work, or divorce if it isn't working. With her ex-husband they divorced because his family wanted her to quit working and just stay home, but she wasn't ready for that kind of life and got her divorce. She is seeing someone now and they are happy just being friends who go out with one another, but not have that label "boyfriend and girlfriend." But she is constantly saying, "Let's see how long it lasts before he feels he needs to put a ring on my finger."Ncmeowmeow35 said:
The one thing I truly admire and envious of my husband that I seriously can't do is that...he never ever mention he has a bad day. As a Police Officer (He has been one for 17 years) I know he has seen his fair share of human tragedies and I am sure there are days that I think it might not turn out as he wanted to but he never complain about anything to me for all the years that we have been married.
I on the other hand, when I used to work I complained all the time...pretty much everyday how the girls in the office gets on my nerves lol. Even though, I don't want to I always find myself saying that and nitpick about the things that are not going right. Thinking back, such a juvenile attitude. What I go through at the office doesn't even compare.
He really thought, I have potential in domestic things because he saw me washed the dishes once before we got married lol. He wanted badly a traditional Asian girl, that cooks, clean and take care of their husbands...I was completely, totally different from that. It's like night and day. I blamed him because he married without dating me first. But he also knows, to be with me was to marry me, otherwise it would not happen.
He does love to spend time with his family...that I never question him. He rather stay home if he's not at work with us. I guess, we have church, and his job, plus the kids so I don't think he has enough time to really hang out with anyone and be close.
I on the other hand, when I used to work I complained all the time...pretty much everyday how the girls in the office gets on my nerves lol. Even though, I don't want to I always find myself saying that and nitpick about the things that are not going right. Thinking back, such a juvenile attitude. What I go through at the office doesn't even compare.
He really thought, I have potential in domestic things because he saw me washed the dishes once before we got married lol. He wanted badly a traditional Asian girl, that cooks, clean and take care of their husbands...I was completely, totally different from that. It's like night and day. I blamed him because he married without dating me first. But he also knows, to be with me was to marry me, otherwise it would not happen.
He does love to spend time with his family...that I never question him. He rather stay home if he's not at work with us. I guess, we have church, and his job, plus the kids so I don't think he has enough time to really hang out with anyone and be close.
Ncmeowmeow35
sarNie Oldmaid
Oh I would die if i have to sit at home and be a domestic house wife. I mean beside watching lakorns all day, i would go nuts. I'm ok with those who take care of the kids and the house but i always shake my head at those who barely take care of the kids and the house then spend money like water and yet find something to complain about. Like really?byebye said:
Your husband is a police officer? Well tell him thank you for risking his life to protect those he doesn't even know. I have an extreme high respect for those who proudly protect this country and our people without thinking of their own safety.
I can't be a domestic housewife because I don't know how to be one. I just don't know how to cook or do things properly to be considered a "good one". My kids are my top priority though. I can't cook a good meal even if I try. At first he did want a good domestic housewife but after a little while he knew that was never going to happen so he gave up the hope lol.
Yes, my husband is a Police Officer. It's something he wanted to do while growing up. Actually, his 18 years being a Police Officer is coming up very soon. He loves what he does, maybe that is why he never complain about his job.
Yes, my husband is a Police Officer. It's something he wanted to do while growing up. Actually, his 18 years being a Police Officer is coming up very soon. He loves what he does, maybe that is why he never complain about his job.
Ncmeowmeow35
sarNie Oldmaid
Hahaha sorry,cecilia said:
KhoOnxNouxWanxJai
Staff member
This may sound sad, but my husband prefers to clean because even if I do a great job at cleaning, he feels that he burdens me with his OCD. He's former Marine so they have a certain way they do things. I've learned how to do everything the way he likes it, but he feels bad and says that it takes up to much of my time and he'll just do it himself I'm not sure if this is true or he thinks I just can't do it right So when it comes to house chores he does all the cleaning and sometimes cooking depending on our schedule. Some nights he gets home before me so he goes and ahead and cook, and the other nights I cook. We do laundry together because thats our time when we talk, catch up on stuff that we didn't get to during the week or we were just to tired to talk during the week and fell straight asleep. (I secretly thinks he doesn't like the way I fold his clothes)
I'm not sure if this is true or he thinks I just can't do it right So when it comes to house chores he does all the cleaning and sometimes cooking depending on our schedule. Some nights he gets home before me so he goes and ahead and cook, and the other nights I cook. We do laundry together because thats our time when we talk, catch up on stuff that we didn't get to during the week or we were just to tired to talk during the week and fell straight asleep. (I secretly thinks he doesn't like the way I fold his clothes)The thing is, I hardly get the house clean the way he thinks it should be that when I do...he'll asked me, "Ok, what is it that you want?"
I have gotten better though cause I am older now and do like the house clean. But before, I would have my shoes all over the place. He'll trip on them and laundry would just sit there to the point that if he needs some socks, I will tell him to go to the dryer and dig for it. Yeah, I know I am bad about it but I don't like cleaning. The only thing is, when I hired someone to clean my house I feel guilty to have a dirty house. So, I would clean first and by the time the cleaning lady comes, the house is cleaned more than it should lol.
I know I can't change everything about my husband...I think his hardness come from what he does for a living. And being sarcastic is really rooted in who he is that it's hard to get rid of it even when he tried to do so. Hmmmm....there are some things you get and some things you don't.
I have gotten better though cause I am older now and do like the house clean. But before, I would have my shoes all over the place. He'll trip on them and laundry would just sit there to the point that if he needs some socks, I will tell him to go to the dryer and dig for it
. Yeah, I know I am bad about it but I don't like cleaning. The only thing is, when I hired someone to clean my house I feel guilty to have a dirty house. So, I would clean first and by the time the cleaning lady comes, the house is cleaned more than it should lol.I know I can't change everything about my husband...I think his hardness come from what he does for a living. And being sarcastic is really rooted in who he is that it's hard to get rid of it even when he tried to do so. Hmmmm....there are some things you get and some things you don't.
sarN
sarNie Granny
If i have the young man of my dream , ladies , I will be his MAID . I will feed him so good that he will have to lick his toe to savor the flavor ! I can DO ANYTHING ..household task , cooking , working non stop to get that bread , im great w/ massage & any thing else his heart desire i will do ..submissively, I do do do pray for that one lucky dude HAHAha...
Ncmeowmeow35
sarNie Oldmaid
Hahaha sarn! You are too funny. Well i do have a you g friend in need of a sugar momma, should i hook you up? He lives in Germany though lol.
Oh ladies! I have ocd! Omg it is so bad that i can't have a maid but i hate cleaning! My closet has to be arrange in a certain way by color, length, style, and brand. Oh and season! Yes season! Spring, summar, fall, then winter. My shoes are by alphabetical colors lol and yes by season too. When i clean, i have to clean with baking soda and vinegar first, then fresh lemon, then finish with more baking soda. Omg talking about it gives me a headache for others lol. I have 5 different baskets for laundry! >_<
Oh ladies! I have ocd! Omg it is so bad that i can't have a maid but i hate cleaning! My closet has to be arrange in a certain way by color, length, style, and brand. Oh and season! Yes season! Spring, summar, fall, then winter. My shoes are by alphabetical colors lol and yes by season too. When i clean, i have to clean with baking soda and vinegar first, then fresh lemon, then finish with more baking soda. Omg talking about it gives me a headache for others lol. I have 5 different baskets for laundry! >_<
Ncmeowmeow35
sarNie Oldmaid
Hahaha, i get you girl. Gotta try it first, don't want no flops. Too bad i can't vouch for you cus I haven't tried him yet.sarN said:
Ok good relationship articles. I wish i kept my old email because i got soo many articles from my friends back during my rocky road time. Wish i could post it here.