MOTHER DRIVING ME NUTS!

[rukmos]

OKAY, so I'm 21 yrs old and I haven't dated in four years due to bad experiences and just because I'm independent and don't need a man right now.

So my mother thinks that I'm old enough to get marry and she's introducing all these new guys to me and hopes that I'll marry one of them soon. I understand her feelings and all that, but you can't force a marriage on someone who doesn't want one.

My mother keeps telling me that I'm not getting any younger and I should get marry while men will still want me since I'm young. It's getting on my nerves a bit since I could careless about my age or others...

I also think that I'm being too picky when it comes to men also. I have a certain criteria that they have to meet and certain things that I have to like before I even consider dating them and it comes right down to the point where it's either I like their voice tone or not!

I've tried talking to her and try to make her understand my feelings, but she's not listening. I want to move out, but the whole "it's not proper for an unmarried woman to live on her own blah blah blah" line that my mom keeps coming up with makes me feel like I'm letting her down.

I rather marry at age 30 and live happily ever after than get marry at age 21 and become a divorcee!

I need some advice on how to make my mother back off a bit and give me space!!!!!!!!!

 

[sarN]

i have gone thur dat before . BEEN THERE DONE DAT. For the matter of fact im juggling w/ those guys . You only 21 and she nagging you about marriage already . imagine me ! Im older den you ! Not only my mom but my sister, dad, grandma uncle , aunt and cousins ! The only advice i can give u is tell your mom if she want to set u up w/ a guy . She must let you get to know him first. Like goes on date !! Just goes w/ the flow treat him as a new friend . Wat the worst can happen? You can give a bad impression of ur self so the guy won't be interest in you. Like don't comb her hair when goes out w/ him . I do dat . I'm picky myself too but to stop their constant lecturing and rubbing my nose about my age --- i decided to give the elder pick a try even though im against arrange marriage plus the idea of your parent have to pick out ur lover cuz myself is useless in finding one on my own does make me rebel even more about arrange marriage but even w/ those conflict i still give in to the elder -- easily . Im sure ur mom won't give u a date / time you must get marry she prolly just want you to meet some guy dat she favor or think he good for u . All parent is like dat . They want the best for their kids and afraid the worst is out to get them . I kind of think like you too . Marriage can come later cuz there some many thing we want to do or accomplish even at 35 is not to late to start a family beside if at 35 there no single guy left for you -- but at long as you got a good job & money just go buy u a young bug (young guy old woman is fashionables now a days ) in our homeland -- those guys are dying to come to USA - at all cost

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

aww girl don't sweat it ur mother isn't serious it's just the habbits of elders.. my mom was like that too like you spend to much time at school no time for a boyfriend and stuff what if u never have one and when you're old no one gonna want you lol i got married and now she's sad hahaa

 

[lilo]

moving doesn't really help i think. well for me of course i move out and stuff and my mom is still trying to set me up with her friend's son. and my excuse is that I am not ready to tie the knot. hehe

 

[sarN]

aww girl don't sweat it ur mother isn't serious it's just the habbits of elders.. my mom was like that too like you spend to much time at school no time for a boyfriend and stuff what if u never have one and when you're old no one gonna want you lol i got married and now she's sad hahaa

i can't believe u are married . im still shock. i want to see the wedd picture ! *feel free to pm it me *

 

[marduk]

Just go

"Eh Mom, ma butt support ony one person so git off ma back!"

Then go to these guys and go

"I'm not a library book, stop checking me out."


B)

That's how you do it.

 

[dfemc]

tell her u want to pursue "HIGHER EDUCATION" or that u need to be financially stable first, because right now, u can only feed one mouth. hhhahaha, who are we kidding, NONE OF THAT WILL WORK, NOTHING WILL WORK. it's the motherly curse, she'll be around for awhile and as long as she lives and ur single, ur stuck with it. So find a way to MOVE OUT! she won't have a heart attack, really she won't (get her a health check up first before u make ur move, just in case)

 

[ChenrukNote]

I like that saying Marduk the one about the library book. I'm gonna use it one day haha.

 

[nolee]

Dang.. a force marriage?! I only see that in lakorns lol. My mom wants me to do EVERYTHING but get married at a young age. I can't believe your mother said no one's gonna want you when you're older.. & someone above said their mother said they spend too much time at school and no time for a boyfriend. Most moms would want their daughters to be independent and have a good education/career so they don't depend on a male for all that stuff.

 

[noungning]

^ right, i ditto nolee

haha, maybe she's just finding a reason not to be responsible for u anylonger? it does get tiring... but she just doesn't wanna admit it so she makes it seem like she's trying to hook u up ahahaha... what about that for positive thinking?

ahah girl, when u find someone u love, those words of pickiness will vanish within one blink of the eye. and the thought of getting married at 30, will be i wanna get married now, where the hell is the ring.

 

[gs]

my mom try to do that with me and this is what i tell her...before you introduce me to anyone make sure he has these requirment:

over 6 feet tall
around 29-33 years old
must have a degree (i dont want to hear will his parents has money and cert. does not count as a degree)
a non smoker
a social drinker
make more money than me

if he doesn't meet ALL this requirment then i dont want to meet him and it work

 

[pleang sney]

I got the same problem last year with my mum...and i have exactly the same age as you rukmos...

And after seeing that it doesn't matter the way i choose to told her the way i think about being marry young and see that she doesn't listen me , i just let her and her family choose the guy for me and now i just find stupid "excuse" to postpone our engagement...even if i know that it's not fair for the guy to be using like that ...but at least i can keep away some people from my life 'til next year..after that i will be free to do whatever i want and too far from my mum and her family to hear them lecture me for "stupid thing"...
Like i always say "it's better to let them do whatever they want right now , if it can bring the peace in the house"! after all, we have our own will and we know what we want , that's why it won't be others who will decide something for us ( parents or not)!

 

[rukD2B]

Just go

"Eh Mom, ma butt support ony one person so git off ma back!"

Then go to these guys and go

"I'm not a library book, stop checking me out."


B)

That's how you do it.

LOLs, Marduk.
Well, my boyfriend's mom wants him to marry some
chick in Thailand. And it pisses him off. Hmong ppl
are desperate man, how sad is that. LOLs. Not ALL
Hmong people, but like, yeah. Ya get my go?

 

[rukmos]

I feel relieved knowing that my mother isn't the only one trying to get me to marry! Thanks for replying, giving response, personal experiences, and advice! I'm still trying to find some "peace", but after this...I feel much better!

 

[Kina]

I guess some of us have all been through this agony lol. My mother used to ask me, "When are you going to get married?" And I come back with a sarcastic response - "Tomorrow. Maybe I'll marry that fat guy across the street who keeps looking at me when I leave the house to go somewhere. Maybe, tonight, I will ask him to come over to have dinner with us! Mom, what do you think?" And she always smacks my arm and pinches it and walks away saying "I'll never have a grandchild and I will never stop worrying about you..." and on and on she goes, lecturing me about marriage and its purpose and then talks about "American people" who would rather live together like they are married but they are not and that I am bound to live that lifestyle.

I only chuckle at her, really. What can I do? She asked me a ridiculous question as to when I will marry. As if I know. I don't know when. It takes courtship, of course.

But altogether, I know what she meant. I know what YOUR mother wants, Rukmos. They just want us to be secured and well off and to be taken care of in all aspects: emotionally, mentally, and financially. ESPECIALLY financially.

I refused my mom's offer to marry a man, who's the son of her best friend's friend. Nice guy, nice ambition, but I just felt that I wasn't ready. That was when I was 17. Now I am 21, and somewhere along the line, my mother has given up trying to get me to marry someone. She has come to the realization that you can not just pair two unknown strangers and force feed them marriage. It just doesn't work that way. It never worked with her. Why did she want to marry me off so early then? Just so I can be secured.

All parents want the best for their children. I understand this about my mother (I only mention her because I have lived with her for the longest period of my life - my dad is elsewhere). And ever since I was 17, after her epiphany, she has let the subject of marriage go and let me live my life. And now, I am 21, satisfyingly living on my own (except when the bills come knockin on my door!).