i want ur opinions

[kaab nis]

hi everybody,

I've been debating with myself for the past couple of months now to whether go to school in another city away from home or go to one near home. i want to go far away so i'll have my own independence but the pressure of my parents always make me undecided...i am torn from what i want to do and from what my parents want me to do...my dad eveyday constantly bothers me about this issue. Plus he always tries to convince to stay so ill be able to help out the family pay house bills and everything but im afraid that if i dont take this chance to leave ill never get the chance to go until when im marry. i have older brothers and sisters who've decided to stay home and their college life has been "go to school come home go to school come home" they're not envolve in anything and it seems like thay've been waisting their whole college life in doing nothing at all and i dont want to end up like that. high school years is already bad enough for me because i chose not to do anything because most of the time my father will disapprove of it saying it is not important. that 's why at times i dont even ask him anymore i just dont do the fun activities that i want to do, the things that i am interested in. i know that part of that is my fault for not standing up for what i want to do but now i really want to go to college in another city that i wont have my parents there watching my every move controlling me in everything. i jus want some freedom and space. plus my father is also making me feel guilty about leaving. its just so hard to decide rite now, i want to go but i dont want to disappoint my parents either for leaving them. right now i need some advice or opinions from others. thanks for whoever is willing to tell me what they think.

 

[Mae]

Go to the further one! That's the own way you'll be able to fully develop and grow as an individual. Also, you'll be able to experience a lot more if you depart from your family. Ultimately, you will have to consider the pros and cons of your two choices. Choose the one that's most beneficial and the most challenging. When I say go to the further one, my intent is to give you a better experience of the world outside of the home. However, the way you choose to live your life is completely up to you. I've seen other Hmong students go to college a few hours away from home. Some of them fail out right away because they abuse their freedom party constantly. In order to be succesful you will have to know your limits and know when it's time to have fun, as well as when it's time to study. This really is a once and a lifetime chance, so you don't want to regret anything.

 

[YM_gurl]

i say wherever is cheap, go there.. just dont go far away to get away from ur parents. cause once you're in debt, u have no one but ur family.

i have friends who goes far away & are in debt right now cause their parents cant help them out. im not saying all parents cant help but only the majority can.
of course there's student loans but when u think about it. its kinda scary. depending how much u are taking..

-- plus community college or university.. same education.

 

[kaab nis]

Go to the further one! That's the own way you'll be able to fully develop and grow as an individual. Also, you'll be able to experience a lot more if you depart from your family. Ultimately, you will have to consider the pros and cons of your two choices. Choose the one that's most beneficial and the most challenging. When I say go to the further one, my intent is to give you a better experience of the world outside of the home. However, the way you choose to live your life is completely up to you. I've seen other Hmong students go to college a few hours away from home. Some of them fail out right away because they abuse their freedom party constantly. In order to be succesful you will have to know your limits and know when it's time to have fun, as well as when it's time to study. This really is a once and a lifetime chance, so you don't want to regret anything.

thanks yea one of the things that ive come to realize is that im really afraid of regrets. im scared of making the wrong choice, but is there such a thing as the right or wrong choice??? i dont know i guess it all depends on my actions...thank you anyways

 

[kaab nis]

i say wherever is cheap, go there.. just dont go far away to get away from ur parents. cause once you're in debt, u have no one but ur family.

i have friends who goes far away & are in debt right now cause their parents cant help them out. im not saying all parents cant help but only the majority can.
of course there's student loans but when u think about it. its kinda scary. depending how much u are taking..

-- plus community college or university.. same education.

yea i know where ur coming from and of course the cheapest one is to stay home and not worry about rents but for how long can i do that how long can i rely on parents and for how long will i be put under their protection there shield thats protecting me from the outside world? i cant always stay by there side or can i. either way the choice that i make will effect me and my family in many ways. im jus so undecided right now debating on what to do.

my major is in graphisc design/motion pictures/some other things that i want to do that involves art and i feel like in my area there is not enough resources for me to be involve in plus if i stay i know for a fact that i wouldnt get to do the things i want to do. the school that i want to go to is in San Francisco and plus my brother is attending the university of arts there so i feel like it would be a better chance for me to go and experience new things but theres always that guilty feeling of leaving my parents behind when they can really use the extra money that im using to pay rent if i go live in SF. i dont know what to do....

 

[zhaolinger]

I believe you should weight the benefits and costs on you decision on attending college close to home or far from home, and choose this one that most benefit for you.

 

[YM_gurl]

yea i know where ur coming from and of course the cheapest one is to stay home and not worry about rents but for how long can i do that how long can i rely on parents and for how long will i be put under their protection there shield thats protecting me from the outside world? i cant always stay by there side or can i. either way the choice that i make will effect me and my family in many ways. im jus so undecided right now debating on what to do.

my major is in graphisc design/motion pictures/some other things that i want to do that involves art and i feel like in my area there is not enough resources for me to be involve in plus if i stay i know for a fact that i wouldnt get to do the things i want to do. the school that i want to go to is in San Francisco and plus my brother is attending the university of arts there so i feel like it would be a better chance for me to go and experience new things but theres always that guilty feeling of leaving my parents behind when they can really use the extra money that im using to pay rent if i go live in SF. i dont know what to do....

that's true. u can't always rely on ur parents but if ure a girl. no matter where u go. u gonna have to come back to ur parents til u get married. unless ur family is
understands u.

oh ok, if your brother is going to school there too then go for it.

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

out of the 5 CSUs that i was accepted to...
i wanted to go to CSU long beach.
i got accepted there BUT my parents wouldn't let me go...
so i decided to go to a community college near home....
i guess that was a good choice.
i don't have to worry about rent or utilities...
i just need to work and make my own money so that i don't depend on my parents
but i'm still broke all the time.. lolz.
college is expensive.. sometimes even with financial aid...
stay close to home... save money for indepedence later on. =DDD

 

[mainhiathao]

i prefer further one..

 

[kaab nis]

yea im jus afraid that if i dont go now ill never get to go...and like i said im scared of regrets...i jus told one of my sisters who didnt go off to college and she said that if i leave im jus being selfish...i dont want to seem like that in there eyes but maybe i should be selfish for once because all my life it seems like whatever i did i had to think of what benefits will come out of it for my family, not me alone, not what i want...maybe im jus exagerating it too much...its such a hard decision when you dont have the support of your parents and one of your sisters

 

[Mae]

I still suggest that you go to the one that's somewhat further away. It's a hard decision, but ultimately in the end it will come down for you to choose the best one. I know how you feel and completely understand what you're going through. I choose a college in my hometown too, and yeah it was good to be near home, not have to pay rent or bills. But that hindered my growth and development because I didn't feel the need to do much on campus besides go to class. Finally, I decided to leave my hometown and go somewhere else for graduate school. And it's one of the most amazing experiences ever.

Let me tell you, don't convince yourself that you're going to stay close to home and then transfer later on. That rarely happens because classes don't transfer and the situation becomes a lot more difficult. I'm hoping that you'll choose the one that's further away because it will challenge you in so many other ways and open your eyes to the world around you. There's so much more to do in life than stay in your comfort zone.

 

[mly]

Choose the one that will benefit you later in life. No one wants to leave their family, but you gotta do what's best for you. In time your parents will be glad. Every parents don't want to see their children in another state. Some are better at encouraging their children whether they like it or not. And then there's those that will not allow their children to go at all. No matter what your desicion is, someone's going to be hurt.

 

[YM_gurl]

yea im jus afraid that if i dont go now ill never get to go...and like i said im scared of regrets...i jus told one of my sisters who didnt go off to college and she said that if i leave im jus being selfish...i dont want to seem like that in there eyes but maybe i should be selfish for once because all my life it seems like whatever i did i had to think of what benefits will come out of it for my family, not me alone, not what i want...maybe im jus exagerating it too much...its such a hard decision when you dont have the support of your parents and one of your sisters

well if you know wat youre doing then go.. overall you should find a job to help yourself while you are there.. & just don't
depend on financial aid. it will help for a while but later on. it wont. u will need a lot of extra money.. cause you're talking about
living in S.F.


-- one suggestion to new college students.

It is very VERY EXPENSIVE going to college. NO JOKE! ^_^ it is not like Highschool. you pay for everything.
prices to books will blow you away. cause it sure scared me. lolz.. i miss my h.s. years, when everything was free..

 

[greenapple2]

college is EXPENSIVE!!!!! (me = 40G/Yr) that's just undergrad too...

but I think far would be better. No matter near or far, u will have to worry 'bout bills, rents, etc. Only difference is that at home, you'll worry less but you will feel like you have to help out, so a job is still a posibility. Also, the best break from the family is now or they'll never let you go! Not that you want to break from the family, but I think many people want their independence, want room to grow, essentialy, want freedom! However, it depends on you. If the school u really want to go to is far, then go. Even if you fail, you'll have no regret cuz if you stay u'll alway worry 'bout what you might be missing out on. Also, u need to know what you want to do, cuz if u're undeclared then I think that going to the one that's the cheapest is the best option. go.....FAR/NEAR... go live your life!

 

[kaab nis]

thanks everybody for your opinions...i'm really happy to hear from both sides...these are questions and answers that runs through my head every minute of the day...gosh i swear im growing sooo many white hair just debating about this issue with my self and like mly14 said either way someone will end up hurt...i really want to go but i dont know how to say it to my parents becuz i know my dad will come up with all these bad possibilities that might happen to me and to them if i move. For example like we might lose our house or something cuz they wont be getting the extra money from me to pay house bills or foods and plus they jus basicly want me to stay home so i can help babysit and do chores around the house or cook for them when they come home from work. am i being too SELFISH in wanting to leaving and experience on my own? cuz that's what one of my sis told me jus a little while ago when i told that i've decided to really go to SF. She said that if i go then im just being selfish...it kinda hurted me a little when she said that. but yea i'll do what i think is best for me even if it sounds selfish but i guess i'll just have to let time see what happens

thanks again everybody...

p.s.
greenapple2, regret is what i fear the most!

 

[greenapple2]

Your defense should be that you are not being selfish but that you know that SF is best school for you because it offers more or THE opportunity for you to
reach your GOAL, and that is what college is about and that is what is important!!! You may not be able to help out now but you will be in the future!

 

[kaab nis]

Your defense should be that you are not being selfish but that you know that SF is best school for you because it offers more or THE opportunity for you to
reach your GOAL, and that is what college is about and that is what is important!!! You may not be able to help out now but you will be in the future!

thanks for making me feel better about my decision

 

[YM_gurl]

thanks everybody for your opinions...i'm really happy to hear from both sides...these are questions and answers that runs through my head every minute of the day...gosh i swear im growing sooo many white hair just debating about this issue with my self and like mly14 said either way someone will end up hurt...i really want to go but i dont know how to say it to my parents becuz i know my dad will come up with all these bad possibilities that might happen to me and to them if i move. For example like we might lose our house or something cuz they wont be getting the extra money from me to pay house bills or foods and plus they jus basicly want me to stay home so i can help babysit and do chores around the house or cook for them when they come home from work. am i being too SELFISH in wanting to leaving and experience on my own? cuz that's what one of my sis told me jus a little while ago when i told that i've decided to really go to SF. She said that if i go then im just being selfish...it kinda hurted me a little when she said that. but yea i'll do what i think is best for me even if it sounds selfish but i guess i'll just have to let time see what happens

thanks again everybody...

p.s.
greenapple2, regret is what i fear the most!

lolz.. that's true. if you choose to go to school close to home. u will be babysitting & doing chores.. at the same time that u are going to school.

i think going far away & being independent is what everyone wants. say, if you have good enough reasons to convince your parents. then go.
Fight, argue, make your point.. & go.. get out of there.. lolz.. jk... just make your point.. & tell your parents you want to make a different..

btw ur brother goes to school in S.F. i wouldnt see why your parents will disagree.. well whatever decision you make, good luck.

 

[hellomelia]

im all about going away from home! i know so many people who stay at home and really never get to experience how it is to be independent. Plus, you will definitely learn many things about yourself that you never knew (in a positive manner). Go to a school where you feel comfortable too!!! I'm really lucky that my parents were very supportive of me going out and learning on my own....

 

[nanthao]

I just want to point out that....GO away to college, IF the school has more opportunities to offer, not because you want freedom from your parents. Your parents are strict for a reason.