Hmongs New law

[bugsy]

huh? when did this law pass? i've never heard of it. I mean...i know the dowry is part of tradition for alot of asian cultures out there but i didnt know this law passed and watever in cali. Weird.

Anyways....dowrys are another contradictive issue. All imma say is that those parents who sell their daughters away for money (and ive seen it happen) are sad people. Man!! they're THAT desperate to sell their daughters off for a load of money, which they're probably gonna use within that year. Those same parents probably got sold off for a high price too. *sigh.....

Anyways, I know my parents would not do that to us girls cause my dad is a wedding negotiator and hes seen too many situations where the bride and groom runs off because the dowry cannot be settled. Sad stuff. I mean...gosh...sometimes....like anti-hmong said....you just wanna say "F it" ...."screw tradition!" ...but...its gonna be a long ways till that happens

 

[ceda_lee]

ehhhhh...who cares???...if you wanna be a piece of property that's your choice...me?...i'm no one's property...and i'm not about to be treated as one...having a bride price is just another way of putting women down...you're entitled to your opinion...i'm entitled to mine...let's just keep it that way

and ceda...i could care less what my parents think...to be honest...i'm the one who's ashamed to be their daughter...you don't know me or my parents...so before you start mouthing off to me...actually know what you're talking about first...and since you don't know me or anything...i would advise you to keep your mouth shut about my life...because what pisses me off the most is ignorant ppl who judge people...so, before i get really piss off...i'm gonna stop here

[post="78771"][/post]​

OOO...someone sounds a little defensive here...chill girl...why so angry? I'm just using your very own tactics against...something I learn that is very handy when it comes to dealing with people like you...now you see why we get upset when you talk like you know so much about us just because we're hmong (does that ring the bells)...OMG...I said one little thing and you took it sooooo deep!!! We've already went over the ignorant people part...so that, I'm not even gonna bother...and how dare you tell me to shut up...it ain't gonna happen...you seemed to be disturbed...I mean...ashamed to be their daughter??? I'm not saying that you're crazy or anything...I'm just suggesting that you might need some sort of pyschotherapy...counseling might help...your giving advice to a person that clearly does not need it...if I was to really bother with your life...I would say that your family might be...um...dysfunctional...maybe???? No...I don't wanna know...your relationship with your parents...please, I don't wanna hear about it...keep it to yourself...obviously, you're the one who's mouthing off to me about your family...get that straight!!!

"Oh that's fine...your parents must be ashamed of raising you anyway...so I guess your parents could just give you for free!!!"

Do you see the word "must" and "guess"...yes? no? Those were clearly assumptions...there's a difference between judging and assuming...go figure out the difference...you mentioned before that people need to really reread your comments and understand what you're trying to say instead of just automatically attacking you...well, the same goes to you!!!

 

[Fearless]

What if the girl is married to someone out side of her race, let's say for example a white guy... do they still have to pay the bride price? I don't know if they usually have to but when one of my cousin got married to a white guy he didn't have to pay anything.

One of my niece who is a poj laib was worth $5,000 when she got married and when she got divorced and got married again she was worth $2000... honestly, that time I didn't think she should be worth anything at all... so all together she was worth $7,000... honestly, I don't even think she was worth that much.

I know that this bride price has been a tradition of ours for a long time but I still think is ridiculous. I know that the bride price is to make sure that the guy treats their daughter good but what if later on the girl cheats on the guy and runs off with another guy, wouldn't that be a waste of his money? So that's why I think it's ridiculous. The bride price is not a guaranteed that they both will treat each other good forever. It's just going to be a waste of their money and your parent's money. Some parents are just so selfish that they just want their daughter to get married so they can get the money... that's sad...

 

[dee_vang]

sometime you just got to hate your own laws eh?

 

[rukmos]

My aunt got married to a white guy and her parents still made her husband pay the bride price.

As for me, I'm not really into the whole law thing because my parents are pretty liberal when it comes to dealing with me. I'm still in college and going to hotel/busienss managment and so my parents already told me that if I decide to marry one day, I can have an american wedding or a Hmong wedding, it's up to me.

I'm glad that I have cool parents who aren't strict and keep me under their watch all the time. So I'm not worried about the whole bride price thing here.

Anyways, which part of the country did this law get passed? Is it in the midwest near Wisconsin and Minnesotta? J/W

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

in fresno, california...

that's what i heard... ehehhe.... so many stories of this shiet..

anywaise the whole reason for the dowry of a girl is to sort of... remind the guy and the family that they had to pay to marry the girl... so he better love her.... or else they wasted their money for nothing... ehhehe... something like that.. that's how i see it....

but if the girl was to run off or screw up... then its the other way around.... you know?

 

[ceda_lee]

in fresno, california...

that's what i heard... ehehhe.... so many stories of this shiet..

anywaise the whole reason for the dowry of a girl is to sort of... remind the guy and the family that they had to pay to marry the girl... so he better love her.... or else they wasted their money for nothing... ehhehe... something like that.. that's how i see it....

but if the girl was to run off or screw up... then its the other way around.... you know?

[post="78941"][/post]​

Exactly...Hmong folks have their own ways of handling that kind of situation...

 

[ahs]

Bride prices? Why even pay? Sounds ridiculous, when there's 14, 15, etc year olds still getting hitched then unhitched before they are even 18. :wacko:

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

i got one word to say for this whole situation:

"priceless"

 

[YM_gurl]

this is hmong tradition.. when a girl gets married.. the guy pays.. this have been going on for many generations.. it will be hard to change but back to this $5,800.. that's too cheap.. come on.. a girl...$5,800?? were humans too.."Hello!"

Human are priceless...

*** one thing i forgot to mention in here..
it was said that after the wedding.. after the guy pays $5,800 for the girl.."if" within 6 months.. if the relationship does not work then the girl's parents will have to give the guy $4000 back..( a refund u call it)
in this case, every hmong guys gonna want to fuck around..
Don't them people ever think?!? :angry:

They make us girls sound like were nothing.. a useless object.. :wavecry:

This is so wrong!!!

btw, we are not getting sold off.. this is how a hmong marriage goes.. if you're hmong..this is how your mother,your sister, your grandmother and every hmong girl got married... i wouldn't mind.. but i am so not $5,800!!! that's the bottom line!!!

 

[mokka]

i heard of this law a while and i asked my mum and she said that the reason why the lower the bride's price to 5800 because some family wants like 15 gram for their daughter and some people cannot afford it so thats why they lower it too...
and also the 5800 is not like the parents get to keep all the money... they are giving some of it back to the girl anyways...such as parents giving $$ as gifts, and then for food and other stuff... so basic...parents probably won't let that much anyways...
And also... if they don't force the guy's family to pay, they might treat the girl worthless because they got the girl for free...

otherwise... i feel like its selling the girl...but after my mom's explaination i kinda feel ok...whatever... as long as it's for wedding and giving back to the daughter...

YM_gurl, I understand where you are coming from...but sometimes it has to change too.. b/c girls aren't worth that amount...

 

[YM_gurl]

i know girls aren't worth that amount..but still... $5,800.. heck nah. too bad for those parents who wants more then 7 grand.. that's not the price right now.. i know no hmong girls wanna be woth $5,800.. cause i sure don't.. the price of a girl right now is 7 grand..

i never heard a 15 grand before but yeah.. i heard 10 grand.. i mean whoa!!! it's true what you said mokka.. the parents does not get to keep all that $$$..

so mokka.. your parents are ok with the $5,800?

Why are the hmong people making us girls $5,800?

When the price of diapers and milk went up.. the price did not go
down because some people couldn't afford it... ~hello!!!~
either u have $$ or u don't.. right? same thing here..

 

[jekki2chipo]

It's not a law. Hmong people don't have a political government, therefore its not a law. Hmong doesn't have a general assembly or congress that would have voted to make the dumb rule a law.

Plus,that stupid person who wrote the law, just is pissed off that he had to pay extra for his daugther in law. i mean if you really wanted someone to be your daughter in law, price and money ain't nothing.

also it's freaked up too and MN people are doing it, now CA people are doing it too. cause it happened to my cousin. she was originally worth $8000, but the guys dumb ass parents won't pay that much, so they used the so called law on us, and my uncles were like okay, $5000, but next time when our moua family sons go marry a vang family daughter she is worth $5000 too, but the vang family said no, they don't speak for all vang families only themselves, so moua family said we don't speak for all moua families either, so our daughter is $8000, take it our leave it. then vang family say we only give $5000, cause that's the law, take or leave it. then moua family said, we leave it. you disrespect our daughter by saying she ain't worth $8000, all you had to do was agree with the terms of $5000 for future moua & vang marriages, but vang family didn't so we showed them the door. my cousin ran off on a tuesday and they came to do the wedding on friday, so anxious them vang family wanted to get rid of my cousin. so they left friday night cause they weren't willing to pay.

it's funny, cause my mom was laughing about it, cause this was the first time it was actually used in CA from what i heard, and yeah everyone in Merced knows who my cousin is now because of that event.

also i mean the money for the wedding, technically ends up given back to the bride and groom.

dude, some hmong peeps these day, all they care about is money.

shoot, when i get married, my daddy said he doesn't want money for me, cause he knows money can't replace me in the family.

 

[YM_gurl]

It's not a law. Hmong people don't have a political government, therefore its not a law. Hmong doesn't have a general assembly or congress that would have voted to make the dumb rule a law.

Plus,that stupid person who wrote the law, just is pissed off that he had to pay extra for his daugther in law. i mean if you really wanted someone to be your daughter in law, price and money ain't nothing.

also it's freaked up too and MN people are doing it, now CA people are doing it too. cause it happened to my cousin. she was originally worth $8000, but the guys dumb ass parents won't pay that much, so they used the so called law on us, and my uncles were like okay, $5000, but next time when our moua family sons go marry a vang family daughter she is worth $5000 too, but the vang family said no, they don't speak for all vang families only themselves, so moua family said we don't speak for all moua families either, so our daughter is $8000, take it our leave it. then vang family say we only give $5000, cause that's the law, take or leave it. then moua family said, we leave it. you disrespect our daughter by saying she ain't worth $8000, all you had to do was agree with the terms of $5000 for future moua & vang marriages, but vang family didn't so we showed them the door. my cousin ran off on a tuesday and they came to do the wedding on friday, so anxious them vang family wanted to get rid of my cousin. so they left friday night cause they weren't willing to pay.

it's funny, cause my mom was laughing about it, cause this was the first time it was actually used in CA from what i heard, and yeah everyone in Merced knows who my cousin is now because of that event.

also i mean the money for the wedding, technically ends up given back to the bride and groom.

dude, some hmong peeps these day, all they care about is money.

shoot, when i get married, my daddy said he doesn't want money for me, cause he knows money can't replace me in the family.

[post="79027"][/post]​

not to be mean but what does your parents want? because you know that is a hmong tradition.. the $$$..

and yea.. i heard about that one wedding in Merced you mention..

I heard the Vang people made this $5,800 law thing. i'm not sure..but that's what i heard.. something about when other last names goes and marry the vang girls.. the Vang's don't go by the $5,800 price..they say their own price.. but when vang guys marrie other girls.. the Vang people brings up the 5,800 law.. WTF?!? is this? not to be mean to the Vang people... but why should we (other last names) go by it when they don't..

 

[mokka]

not all Vangs are like that... I mean.... imma a vang and I don't see any of my relatives bringing the 5800 law when they marry a girl. When my uncle married my aunt, her parents made him paid 6500 for her...and his father couldn't say anything about it.

Yes, YM_gurl, my parents are fine with it... they say as long as they know that me and my future husband are happy then they are happy about it... b/c they said that they don't really care about how much money they got back after all the expenses are paid for.

 

[ddawbb]

i don't think it's bad to ask for the money. i don't know about some parents, but my parents would only ask for the money because they want to make sure that whoever i marriy to would treat me well, instead of some free stuff they got; they want when they want and when they don't want they can throw it away, because it was free. people are like that. think about it, if you got something for free, would you cherish it and keep it, take good care of it, etc. i used to question my mom why they want the money, and that's what she told me.

[post="78477"][/post]​

I agree- To me, It's like a source of security- to make sure the husband doesn't go off cheating or the wife doesn't go off cheating b/c when u go complain to the OGs, they'll be like, "oh money this money that so do this and that... " u know what I mean??

But I think this price set law is unfair- plain stupid

 

[YM_gurl]

not all Vangs are like that... I mean.... imma a vang and I don't see any of my relatives bringing the 5800 law when they marry a girl. When my uncle married my aunt, her parents made him paid 6500 for her...and his father couldn't say anything about it.

Yes, YM_gurl, my parents are fine with it... they say as long as they know that me and my future husband are happy then they are happy about it... b/c they said that they don't really care about how much money they got back after all the expenses are paid for.

[post="79190"][/post]​

that's nice to hear.. your parents are fine with it..

because to "some" couples out there.. if the husband doesn't pay the parents..
in the future if the couples were to have problems.. the husband tends to bring the girl up about her parents giving her away.. free or cheap... that happen to my auntie.. so i'm just saying.. guys bring whatever they can think go against you... i hate that. i don't know anymore.. this whole situation.. sucks!!!!

 

[YM_gurl]

I agree- To me, It's like a source of security- to make sure the husband doesn't go off cheating or the wife doesn't go off cheating b/c when u go complain to the OGs, they'll be like, "oh money this money that so do this and that... " u know what I mean??

But I think this price set law is unfair- plain stupid

[post="79202"][/post]​

I aGree.. nothing in the world is free..

Nothing!!!! therefore, us girls are not free..

We don't have to change how a hmong marriage goes.. this is hmong tradition.. to keep it.. we do not need to change anything...

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

but if your parents don't put a price on you... then the guy and their family is going to treat you like shit... because they just consider you something free... if they had to use their money to get what they wanted... then they'll see more value on you...

but like i said... a person is priceless...

 

[jekki2chipo]

YM_GURL

not to be mean but what does your parents want? because you know that is a hmong tradition.. the $$$..

yeah, i know it's hmong tradition, but my parents don't really follow that as much as they used too.

I mean hello with a MA in ENGLISH, and making good money,with a steady job, you think i'm only worth 5 grand?

More like 500 grand.

My parents, if I was to actually marry a hmong dude, then they would have to think about that, they all already know i might not even marry a hmong dude, i got my thai dude, so they're just waiting to see what me and mr. frankie is gonna do. i'll let you know in 2 years, since mr. frankie and i mutually agreed that if no-one wants to marry us before 25, then we'll get married hehehe. gotta have a pact.

i just think that this dumb rule is pathetic and sad, cause i mean look at it, saying the rule is now law, hello umm hmong people don't have no congress or government to even vote. so funny.