Good Relationship Articles

sarN

sarNie Granny
O' man!!! That the worst timing ever lol! What really break the ice for me was when my mom told me what to expect about the wedding night, I know what have to be done but the way she explain it give me goosebumps Hahaha & I know then I have to break it off , I have to run away but I didn't want my parent to lost face on the day of the wedding , so I told them right away before any arrangement take place! It was the most heart wrenching confession ever in my entire life b/c I had never disappoint them before , I was the perfect daughter in their eye ( I was not , I do stuff behind their back b/c I did not want them to resent me) , I told them everything, from schools skipping , sneaking out at night , partying & all the feeling that I have to endure to be the good & obedience daughter they.thought I were. I told them to stop.meddling in my life , stop trying to restraint me w/ nonsense talk about moral & value , I had enough, I'm not a saint . Boy, were the mad !!!! We talk for hours!! I actually left the house & went on a vacation to FL haha . It was so satisfying to finally had it out & for once I didn't give a danm what they think & I did enjoy my time out the house & left them to resolve the problem at home . They did call me to come back b/c parent can never disown their children . I did have to face my ex for many months b/c he really loved me & try to reconcile our differences , I felt bad but if the love isn't there what can I do ? He never married til this day & once in a while he come by the shop & take me out to lunch or so.
 

ohitsnoyyy

Mama Noy ♥️
OMG, it's crazy hearing all these marriage arrangement stories. I seriously don't know what I would do if my parents ever try to fix me up with one of their friend's son! I'd probably run away... That's too much for me. My parents weren't even thinking about me having a boyfriend at the age of 14, let alone get married. & it's crazy to hear stories about it. I Always thought it happened in different counties. it's an eye opener for me lol.

Although my parents never tried to find me a husband or a boyfriend, whenever I went to my parties or gathers with my parents, there was always parents there who would try to hook me up with their sons. I'm like ew, no. I have a boyfriend.

Even having a boyfriend now, the pressure is still on to have kids & get married. It never ends!
 

byebye

sarNie OldFart
The thing with my parents they don't allow me to date but they don't mind me marrying a man I don't know. That is such a backward thinking lol. Arranged marriage isn't really something I recommend to people. The first 2 years is actually really rough. Instead of already knowing my husband before marriage I was getting to know him during marriage. Seriously, it was a major struggle and there are times, I knew and felt that we would not last.
 
I was young and so inexperienced and being in a relationship wasn't anything I am used to let alone a marriage. If I had to do it all over again, I would not take that route no matter what it does to my parents. In the end, you are the one that has to live the life with someone not your parents. Seriously, I might be like that big sister and run away...only thing is I have nowhere to go back then lol. My parents were so biased, the boys in the family do what they want while the girls...they give them a couple of times to say NO, then after that they'll like you marry...and marry now lol.
 

Ms.Zoe

.: Lady Huo :.
@byebye, my dad does not smoke, drink or gamble too. Before they were married, my mom made my dad promise to never ever lay a hand on her, never ever physically hurt her or badmouth her & her parents; my mom on the other hand, also keep these promises too. She made my dad follows these promises because when she was little she saw husbands hitting on their wives so it traumatized her and besides that my dad had a black belt in tae kwon do & he was really physically active so he was really strong lol. She really meant to her words because if he ever break those promises, she will leave him & never forgive him so my dad was really scared & never break those promises, although he has his jealousy issues lol.  
 

sarN

sarNie Granny
my parent allow me to date but w/ the man they approve of & only  man that goes  ask them permission  first . I had never brought any man home. Those 4 older man are from the same circle as my parent ( the temple/Buddhist community) & before they approach me they goes thru my parent . I'm different from all the other young girls b/c i goes to temple & do charity work & other activity for the Buddhist community & very popular among the elder ppl who have son that wishes to meet a nice & religious girl. I enjoy doing those activity b/c my grandma is very active at the temple & i often come along since i was 10 years old , somehow , the elder see me as this good girl type ^^^ but I'm not nor was i'm a bad person -- I can only be myself at school or w/friends & around the elder i have to behave but surprising the best part in dating those older man   , is that I  use them as excuse to goes out w/ my friend & make him tell my parent I'm w/ him but really I'm not & the crazy part is all those man agreed to hide it w/ a promise I will go out on date or lunch w/ him & that lead them on to believe i do have feeling for him but over time they realize i wasn't the good girl type & give up. I was heartless in a way or perhaps a bitch as well & i did took advantage of their affection to the extreme  . My parent never understand why each man fail  b/c i told them not to reveal the reason just tell them i'm too young . I do believe in karma . I truly believe b/c of my past w/ those older man that cause me to get stuck overseas for many years hahaha it's like a punishment . And that's why i avoid older man & seek only the younger one ..
 

byebye

sarNie OldFart
@Ms.Zoe---they are beautiful promises. Congrats on your parents' marriage and through it all they kept their words.
 
My dad drank, was a big time gambler. We grew up poor and what little money we had he took it all. I remembered so many times people coming to the house asking for money my dad owed them. He even took some of our jewelries to pawn. But even with those awful experiences with drinking and gambling, I for some reason, never asked my husband not to do it. Honestly, it never registered in me to do so.
 
About 2-3 years in our marriage I did asked him that if he ever one day stop wanting to be with me just let me know. Out of all the things I made important that for some reason made the top of my list. My husband just doesn't like to drink, gamble or smoke to start off with. He hates gambling so much that he won't let me play for fun even with family members because he felt that is how it all started.
 
I guess, I have seen way too many relationship fell because of cheaters and what they do to the person that I don't ever want him to do it to me. I told him, I don't care what he does but that is one thing I ask of him.  I only hope he keeps that promise to me. Jealousy is cute sometimes, my husband doesn't because he says that I would not go anywhere :rolleyes1:
 
My parents have a very miserable marriage...it is so bad that when I was growing up I pray that if I was to ever get married I will be blessed enough to not experience it.
 

sarN

sarNie Granny
awww & you do have a good husband -- probably not the best but it sound better than your parent . come here girl ,  *group hug* *kisses* .
 

Mz_Em

sarNie Juvenile
I was fortunate enough to make my bed and lay in it when the time came regarding my future spouse,but my parents asked and told my hubby that their daughter(me) and our children should be his first priority no matter what...I vow to give him that too  Parents, siblings is important but we built our own life and family so priorities must shift as that's the way life goes. If you don't agree then do not get married or make a commitment to that someone
 

byebye

sarNie OldFart
I don't remember if my mom did give any motherly advice to my husband or not. But his mother did, she told him to take good care of me and to not hurt me.
 
Sometimes, I think dreams changed and priorities are switched around as well. I never care to have a perfect marriage nor is it a goal I aim to reach. But just enough to look back in memories (when the need to do so) and able to say...you know what, we did OK. Nowadays, even OK is hard to achieved. It is amazing though, how marriage once regarded such a sacred thing now it's undervalued.
 
Side note: Just read that 30% married couple sleep in different room. Wow, that is a large number...couple that with the divorce rate...marriage is almost nonexistent.
 

KhoOnxNouxWanxJai

Staff member
byebye said:
Hahhaa...Sarn, my parents were almost the same way. My husband wanted to marry me and the next thing I knew I was engaged lol. And she didn't want the engagement long because she said long engagement is not good. So our engagement was only 3 months...everything was moving so quickly and the next think I knew I was married. The wedding was horrible...my husband was late for the second day of the ceremony...I was PMSing lol. I felt bloated all day long...Texas's heat was so freaking hot...the A.C. wasn't working because the door was constantly opened. I was sweating like a pig.  Honestly, I was just going along...there wasn't much of an emotional connection to the wedding ceremony. It was a long 2 days wedding...
You're from Texas?? What part??
 

KhoOnxNouxWanxJai

Staff member
byebye said:
Sorry can't quote you:
 
But I live close to Fort Worth...Are you from Texas too?
Ah I see lol I go to school close to Fort Worth, Go to school in Arlington. I live more close to the Dallas area lol. 
 

byebye

sarNie OldFart
Wow...so cool :)
 
I go to Arlington all the time. Love eating at Bistro (Hong Kong Supermarket)...love love it...But I also love First Chinese BBQ lol. I just love to eat. My husband works in Dallas...used to be in SWAT.
 
I don't like driving to Dallas cause I get lost easily. Downtown is the worst...If my life doesn't depend on it then I ain't driving there lol. I am in the HEB area. I can't move away from there because for some reason I need to go to HEB hospital every year. Dang, insect bite...my husband always say as much as I go, they should have my name reserve there for me :rolleyes1:
 

Ms.Zoe

.: Lady Huo :.
@byebye, thank you. I agree with sarN about your husband :).
 
I personally want a husband like my dad except for his jealousy issue & slowness. That are my dad's not so perfect qualities that mom complains about. He used to be so jealous that I thought our family would fall apart but nope lol that happened during the day & at night he was making up for his mistake lol. Every time they were mad at each other, he would be the first to break the silence. My mom always give him the silence treatment & he hated it with a passion & she knew it lol.  
 

ohitsnoyyy

Mama Noy ♥️
Jealousy can always ruin a relationship. It's so toxic. There are times when I do get jealous of my boyfriend, but not because of another girl. I get jealous because he spends more time with his friends. He works like 7 days a week & we hardly see each other like before. Usually I spend the weekends at his house, but now that he's working more, I don't see him as much. But when we do spend time together, my boyfriend seems to always invite his friends to tag along with us. And I'm like are you serious? I didn't come out with you, to hang out with you & your friends. I get along with his friends, but sometimes I just want to hang out with my boyfriend one on one.
 

byebye

sarNie OldFart
@Ms.Zoe...lol at the silent treatment
 
Gosh, I am a Queen when it comes to that. I told my husband when he makes me made I can go on forever not talking to him. Whenever we have one of those arguments that require no talking, I don't talk to him first. Usually about 2-3 days he'll come and talk to me first. Sometimes, he'll nudged me head or slightly tapped me on the cheek and says...I forgive you. I give him one of those look like, you are kidding me right lol.
 
Jealousy has two faces...there's a cute one but mixed it with love...then there's the abuse ones that involved hitting. I want the first one:) I can't handle a lot of jealously.
 
ohitsnoyy.....I know how you feel...my husband works a lot too...like a lot and sometimes I feel like I am fighting for his affection with sleep and relaxation. Usually when  he's home he just want to take it slow and relax while I just wait till his days off so we can do something. One thing, we like doing together is get a foot massage. But going to the mall is costly cause I can never leave it without looking at other stores :)
 

ohitsnoyyy

Mama Noy ♥️
@byebye I would the cute jealousy lol, but unfortunately it seems like it only exist in lakorns or dramas lol. In real life, I've seen a lot of jealousy that leads to controlling girlfriend/boyfriends, which is so unhealthy for a relationship.

One of my close friend went through so much with her ex huband. From lying, controlling, jealousy, and even abuse. She stuck with him for almost 8 years, & thought that by getting married to him, she can make him stay. I didn't support their marriage so I didn't attend her wedding. She was sad, but I'm not going to go to her wedding with a man I know wasn't a good man for her. She was so blindly in love that whatever I said wouldn't make a different or even mattered to her. So she ended up marrying, but she divorcung him about a year later. Now she's in a better relationship, and although we're still friends, we're not as close as we were.

Honestly, seeing all the things she went through in her relationship with her ex, made me realize that's not the way I want my relationship to be. I learn from my friend's mistakes in relationship.
 

sarN

sarNie Granny
Ahh, jealousy. Almost every man I came across have this issue . My stalker was so obsesse w/ me that every man he spy me talking to are my secert lover , its all in his head , stalker create stories in their mind & believe them. I have this issue again & again w/ older man too.They don't trust me w/ other man or even my friends . I told myself if I truly love someone & want to spend the rest of my life w/ him , I'm willing to stop going out w/ my friend --danm all of them , ill stay in & make babies all days haha, with this , I pray!!
 

byebye

sarNie OldFart
I am glad that your friend divorced him and got another chance at love with someone else. That is something I find hard to understand, some women marry men in the hope they will change. Men or people hardly if ever change for anyone if they themselves do not want to change.
 
Who said...women married men hoping they changed, men married women hoping they remained the same in the end both parties are disappointed (forgot who it was that said that)
 
I know someone that argues all the time...and thinking a baby would help. They have one kid before all the arguments started but decided to have another to see if that'll help. Well, it didn't. They wanted to divorce a few times. I think the guy only stays because he has no choice. He doesn't want to pay child support lol.
 
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