Characters:
Khap (24yo-Bangkok) – Former police officer who was kicked off the force due to repeat excessive use of force incidents. Blames himself and suffers from depression because of a shooting incident four years prior. His mother died when he was very young in a car accident. His father works hard to give Khap and his sister the finer things in life but does not provide the love and warmth of a father that they need. His dad is in the construction business and builds hotels. He is engaged to be married to the daughter of his father’s friend. He does not love her because she is very shallow and mean person. His therapist suggests that he goes and meet the orphan from the shooting incident in Khai BangRajun and that is where he meets Feung. He falls in love with her at first sight but run into misunderstandings because he thinks both Jai and Thap courting her.
-Brother of Juang
-Descendent of Puri’s character in BangRajun
-Best friend of Sang
-Has anger issues
-Intense individual
Feung (22yo-Khai BangRajun-Kamyat) – All around sweet village girl who is a teacher at the local orphanage. She is loved by everyone in the Khai BangRajun. Her goal in life is to help the orphans she works with now grow up to be upstanding citizens and be able to find a purpose in life and contribute to the betterment of their country. Her father works as a taxi driver in SingBuri but all he cares about is his alcohol. Feung’s mom left them for a rich guy from Bangkok so she has always been the mother figure for her sister, Fang. She puts her heart and soul into working with the orphans so she does not have time for falling in love. She is really good friends with Jai, a farmer’s hand, but only sees him as a brother. She meets Khap when he shows up to stay at the house near the orphanage. She senses a feeling a familiarity when she sees him but is put off when he speaks to her unkindly and aggressively.
-Sister of Fang
-Descendent of Thap/Fang
-Sweet girl and can be naive sometimes
Sang (25yo-Bangkok) – Police officer who graduated from the police academy with Khap. Did not get along with Khap at first but later became best friends. He has a playboy persona but is actually in love with Juang, Khap’s sister. He does not have the best home life situation because his parents are always fighting too much to where they don’t even know he exists. He considers Khap and Juang his family.
-Best friend of Khap
-In love with Juang
-Descendent of A Passin’s character
-Cocky and has no filter
Juang (20yo-Bangkok) – Still attending the University for a Degree in Hotel Management/Tourism. She is very popular and outgoing but secretly has a crush on Sang (bad boy/playboy). However, she thinks he sees her only as a sister since he picks and teases her a lot. She also gets mad whenever Sang brings his girlfriend of the week around. She is loves her brother very much and is very loyal to him.
-Sister of Khap
-Crushing on Sang
-Descendent of Puri' character
-Competitive when it comes to Sang
Thap (23yo-Bangkok) – Good natured, well-mannered guy who comes from a very rich family. His family owns the Pongsakorn hotel chain all over Thailand, including SingBuri. His dad contracts with Khap’s family for the construction of the hotels. Khap’s fiancé, Roong, wants to be engaged to Thap instead of Khap but her dad had already given her to Khap because of the promise between the mothers. Thap only sees Roong as a little sister because they grew up together. He falls in love with Fang when she hits his car with her motorcycle while he was donating items to the orphanages in Khai BangRajun. His parents want him to settle down with a prim and proper girl.
-Brother of Sabai
-An acquaintance of Khap
-Descendent of Por…
-Nice and easy going guy
Fang (20yo-Khai BangRajun-Kamyat) – Feung’s fierce tomboy sister. She is overprotective of Feung and is mad that Feung always sees the good in people. She registered at the University of SingBuri but dropped out to work so that she can help Feung achieve her dream of buying the orphanage from the current owners. She hates rich guys from Bangkok because her mother ran off with one. She hates her father for being a useless drunk.
-Sister of Feung
-Descendent of Thap/Fang
-Hates rich guys
-Fierce and independent
Jai (26yo-Khai BangRajun-Kamyat) – Feung’s friend from Khai BangRajun district. He owns farmland and is not rich nor poor. He helps out Feung with the orphans as much as he can but he also spends a lot of time working on other people’s farms so that he can save up and ask Feung to marry him. He is very protective of Feung and Fang, especially when their father gets into a drunken rage.
-In love with Feung
-Descendent of Por TongMin
-Loyal
Sabai (25yo-Bangkok) – Thap’s sister who is also a clothing designer. She has several boutiques in Bangkok and is very successful but she still does not feel satisfied with her life. She feels that there is something missing. She often donates seasoned out clothing from her children’s boutique to the orphanages in SingBuri province since her parents own hotels there. Her boyfriend is a jerk who only cares about reputation. He is pressuring her to get married and settle down.
-Sister of Thap
-Descendent of Por..
-Reserved/quiet
Other Characters:
Roong (21yo-Bangkok) – Spoiled daddy's girl. Her father is the Chief of Police in SingBuri Province but they own several town homes in Bangkok. Her and her mother stay in Bangkok. She is engaged to Khap but also has her eyes set on Thap. She goes to the same University as Juang and hangs around the same group of friends as her. She hates poor people and think if they do not have money or status; they are beneath her.
Jerd (27yo-Bangkok)- Sabai's boyfriend who is all about reputation. He's bossy and goes around demanding respect but does very little to earn it. He also uses Sabai's popularity in the entertainment business to hook up with celebrities.
Parob (4yo-Khai BangRajun-Kamyat) – His parents were the ones that were killed on the call that Khap took. He lived with his grandma when his parents were alive but they chose their lifestyles over Parob. When his grandmother got sick, she gave him to the orphanage. He is small for his age and doesn't talk. He likes to follow Feung around.
Pope: Juang’s friend/tutor at the University. He likes Juang.
Locations:
Bangkok
SingBuri Province\Khai BangRajun District\BangRajun Tambon
SingBuri Univeristy
Bangkok University
BangRajun Children’s Haven (Orphanage)
Pongsakorn Hotels
Bangkok Police Department
Phuket
Elite Muay Thai Fight Club
CHAPTER ONE
Bangkok
Khap -
I'm sitting here in Dr. Pedchai's office for the second time this week. I guess you can say I had a rough week. People are allowed to have emotions right? Anger is an emotion. It’s not any different from being sad or happy. Maybe I should not have told my father I was kicked off the police force. I hate it when he looks at me and wishes I was the one who died from the car accident. Was it my fault that I survived? I would have gladly given my life for my mother's. I have a love/hate relationship with my father. I love my father, I think. I mean, he was the one who gave me life. I am obligated to love him. I wish he would just look at me and Juang and see us and not my mother. I was kicked off the police force today for repeat excessive use of force infractions. Hey, last I checked the criminals that burglarize and murder people are not good people. Am I just supposed to treat them delicately? My fist may have accidentally collided with the perpetrator’s face a few times. Pimping out underage girls. I think that deserves a beat down or two. When I told my father, he didn't yell or scream, he just looked at me and said, “Is this how you honor your mother?” I was having a shitty day already so those words made me see red. In a moment of rage, I reached for my gun and that was when I knew I crossed a line. Was I really going to shoot my father? What was I thinking? I glance at the clock in the therapist’s waiting room. It's only 3:30pm. My appointment is at 4:00pm. Why did I show up early when I know that waiting pisses me off? I wonder if Sang caught wind of the news yet. His shift doesn't start until 6:00pm. I guess I could text him but the fucker is annoying. He would want every single detail and would interject with his opinions as I tell him the details. I may just wait because conversations with Sang can sometimes piss me off even more. Sang's my best friend. We didn’t start off as best friends. We started the police academy together about six years ago. I was eighteen and he was nineteen. I caught him looking at my FOURTEEN yo old sister, Juang, a little too long for my liking. So what did I do? I smashed his face in. You may get the impression that I have anger issues. Waiting at a therapist’s office may have given me away also. I don’t have anger issues, per se. I’ve been trying to explain to my therapist for the last four years that I do not have anger issues. Those that are on the receiving end of my anger/fist, deserved it. I’ll stop there. I sound like a drug addict trying to convince someone I am not addicted to drugs. Back to Sang. We were almost kicked out of the academy the day we got into it but we were given a warning instead. The academy also made it a point to partner us up for every single event throughout our training. At first, I thought I was going to kill the motherfucker but I found out he was a loyal son of a bitch. Always had my back even after we had a throw down with one another. Hell of a fighter too. My father put my sister and I in martial arts classes since we were young and I recently took up Muay Thai so needless to say, I have some decent fighting skills. With that being said, I have to give Sang some credit for being able to land some hits on me. We became the best of friends but make no mistake, we get into fights and beat the shit out of each other often. He likes to tease Juang and make her cry a lot. My baby sister is off limits. No one messes with her; not even my best friend. To be honest though, if I died in line of duty, Sang would be the only person I trust with Juang. I look at the time on my phone....goddamn it! It's 4:05pm now..where the hell is Dr. Pedchai?!
BangRajun
Feung -
Today is going to be a big day for one of these kids. There's a couple from Bangkok with fertility issues coming by the orphanage today. They decided one adoption. I'm feeling happy and sad about the news. I have always been Mae Feung to these kids. All eighteen of them. Now one of them will have a chance to have a real family. I saw the paperwork come in last week and looked them over several times. I want to make sure that whoever is leaving the orphanage today is going to a good place. These kids have been through so much, my heart aches for them. Why bring another life into the world if you are not going to love and nurture them. I would adopt them all if I could but what life can I give them? A high school dropout who is struggling to make ends meet. I want better for these kids than what I have. I have a roof over my head and clothes to wear but happiness doesn't exist for me when I go home. Father is always drunk. Mother is gone. My happiness is when I am with Fang or at Children's Haven. It's only 3:30pm. The couple said they will be here at 4:00pm at the latest. There is still thirty minutes left before they show up. I see a small head peek out from around the corner. I already know who it is. Parob. My sweet, sweet Parob. His parents died in an accident in Bangkok when he was only six months old. His grandmother took care of him the best she could but alas she fell sick and brought him to the orphanage when he was 2 years old. He doesn't talk yet and rarely likes to interact with the other kids. He follows me around like a shadow. It doesn't bother me at all because I get a sense of comfort when he is around.
“Fe: Parob? Come let Mae Feung hug you a little bit.”
He saunters over and sits on my lap. I hug him tight.
“Fe: Parob, I am going to find you a good home with good people who will love you with all their heart. The way you deserve to be loved. You are going to grow up and change the world. I promise.”
I tear up a little. It kills a piece of me every time we get a new kid in the orphanage. When I started here four years ago, we only had six kids. We now have a staggering eighteen. Funding has been hard but I will never turn a kid away. I will sell everything I own before I do that. I shake away my thoughts and glanced at the clock. It's 5:00pm. My heart drops. No one is going to show up. It happens all the time. Promises for donations/adoptions. All empty promises. I think to myself, “Don't worry children, we will make it through another day. We’ve survived this far.”
“J: Feung?”
I turn to find P'Jai at the doorway.
“J
id they not show up again?”
“Fe:They never do, Pee.”
“J: Let's wrap up so I can take you home.”
“Fe: You can go on ahead P'Jai. I am waiting on Fang. She had an after school project and won't be here till 6:00pm. I will go home with her then.”
“J: Well, I'll do some work around here so that we can go together. I don't want you two going home late with it being just the two of you.”
“Fe: Thank you P'Jai.”
“J: Let me sit and rest with you a little bit.”
At that, Parob got up from my lap and sat between me and P'Jai to create some distance between me and P’Jai. My little Parob. He doesn't like P'Jai being close to me. P'Jai is from the same village as me and I see him as a big brother. I think he sees me as more. The villagers have whispered about such things. My heart is with the kids at Children's Haven. I don't think I have room for much else. P'Jai is a good guy. He brings food to the orphanage and that helps keep the kids fed. We also have the Pongsakorn family who donates quite a bit to the orphanage. The daughter of the family, Khun Sabai, donates clothes every year. The son, Khun Thap donates money almost every month. Without their help, I don't know what we would do. We have four volunteers who work at the orphanage for little to no pay. The owner of the orphanage only pays me enough to put food on the table. The assistance he gets from the government to run the orphanage, he pockets. I can only work so many hours in the day to make sure the kids are looked after. We also started developing a curriculum so that the kids will be able to somewhat keep up with the other children that attend regular school. My dream is to buy this place from the owner and make it better. Make it a true haven for the children that have been left without parents. A place where they are happy and just feel alive.
“J:Feung, Feung.”
I get lost in my thoughts often.
“Fe: Yes, P'Jai?”
“J: I am going to look at the plumbing system. The volunteers said it’s not working well. Hopefully, I can get it fixed before Fang gets here.”
Once P'Jai leaves, Parob is back on my lap. I smile. My sweet Parob with the crooked smile.
“Fa: P'Feung! You're favorite sister is here!”
My smile gets wider. My sweet Fang with her sharp tongue and big heart.
“Fe: You're my only sister Fang.”
“Fa: How do you know P'Feung? Father is always drunk. Who knows what he does or who he does.”
“Fe:Fang!”
I stare at her in shock. What exactly are they teaching in school these days? She just shrugs it off.
“Fa: P'Feung, I forgot to ask. Who did the couple adopt? Were they as nice in person as they were on the paperwork?”
I look at Parob.
“Fe: No one showed up Fang.”
“Fa: What?! Who does that?! I should go and find them and give them a good punch in the face. Do you still have the paperwork? Their address should be in there right?”
”Fe: Fang. It's their right if they want to adopt and it's their right if they want to change their mind. We can't do anything about that. What we can do is make sure we do the best we can to feed, clothe, and care for the kids. Provide them with as much warmth and love as we can.”
“Fa: P'Feung, at the very least, we can send them a nasty letter.”
“Fe: Fang, what am I going to do with you? Oh Fang, do you have class tomorrow? If you do, can you stop by the Pongsakorn Hotel on Main to pick up the shipment of clothing that Khun Sabai sent from Bangkok?”
“Fa: If you really need me to, I can. I really don't like looking at that Khun Thap guy. He is always smiling. Who smiles that much? He only has one facial expression. Is he trying to show off his white teeth? His teeth is crooked by the way. Maybe I should tell him to see if his expression will change to shock.”
“Fe: Fang! They've done a lot for this place. Please don't cause any trouble. I'm already embarrassed to look at him from your incident with him before.”
I can remember that day clearly. Khun Thap came by to drop off a load of clothes and supplies to the orphanage and brought his car. Fang got out of school early that day and saw Khun Thap talking to me through the window. She somehow got it in her mind that Khun Thap was here to take me away with promises of money and a good life. She was afraid there was going to be a repeat of what happened to our mother. She ran her motorcycle into Khun Thap's car and left a big dent in the driver's side of the car. I was beyond mortified. I apologized profusely and did not know how to pay him for the damage. Khun Thap said it was ok and drove off, even smiling at Fang as he was leaving. Fang on the other hand called him all sorts of names and told him never to come near me again. We had to eventually sell her motorcycle since we couldn’t afford to fix it. Whatever little money we got from the sale, we gave to Khun Thap for the damage. He came back a few times after but our conversations were brief. Parob also took a disliking to him. I was glad he didn't stay for long. Khun Thap was nice enough but I had no desire to be around him more than necessary. I get the feeling he likes my little sister. I see the way he looks at her sometimes. If Khun Thap is truly a nice man, I would not mind seeing Fang with him. I just want my sister to live a good and happy life.
“J: Fang, you're back. I am done with the plumbing here. We can head home now.”
“Fa: P'Jai, there is no we with the three of us. Me and P'Feung are a we. You are just a P'Jai. Understand?”
“F:Fang, stop it. Let's get ready to go.”
CHAPTER TWO
Bangkok
Khap-
I have no idea why we are paying Dr. Pedchai for his services. I leave his session more screwed up in the head then when I initially went in. It's close to 6:00pm now so the quack went on and on for about two hours. He said I have some deep rooted anger issues. No shit, Doc. Tell me what I don't know. The progress we made today was we identified the two incidents in my life that shaped me to be the way I am today (I already knew this too):
Event #1 – Eighteen Years Ago
We were in SingBuri capital looking at some potential new business ventures for my father. It was late and we were headed back to Bangkok. We decided to head back that night because I wanted my toys back home and did not want to sleep in a hotel. As we were driving home, our car was hit by a drunk taxi driver. The impact was directly on the passenger’s side, right where my mother was. She was able to say mines and Juang's name before she fell into her final slumber. My father, sister, and I got away with minor cuts and bruises. My father lost the love of his life that day and forgot that he still had two kids alive that need his attention. He threw himself into work and gave us everything we ever wanted but never the one thing we needed; his love. Least to say, my self-hate probably started there. Were my toys really that important to me that I had to be such a brat? It also doesn’t help when my father looks at I see the blame in his eyes.
Event #2 – Four Years Ago
I was working graveyard shift and making my rounds in my patrol area when I heard a man and a woman arguing. I rounded the corner and found a man in a physical altercation with a woman dressed provocatively. It didn't take much guessing to figure out what she was. The man appeared to be high as a kite.
“M: This is your fault bitch!”
“W: If you were man enough to take care of your family, I wouldn't have to resort to this. I am doing what I do so that I can send money to support my mom and son back home!”
“M: For our son?! Is that who you were thinking of when you were taking off your clothes for the old fuckers? Is that what you tell yourself before you sleep with all those guys? I told you already! The money I make from selling drugs will be enough to send home. You are greedy! You don't deserve to be a mother! You don't even deserve to live!”
At that point, the man pulled a knife and pressed it against the woman's neck. I pulled my pistol.
“K: Khun, please drop the weapon. Let's talk this out.”
“M: There is nothing to talk about! She cheated on me! She was dishonest! She promised she would love only me!”
“W: Please help me! I have a six month old baby back home!”
“M: Shut up! You should of thought about that before you whored yourself around!”
“K: Khun, think about your son. He needs a mother and a father. You both are alive right now. We can fix our problems if we have the will to do so. Some people don't get a second chance in life. I'm offering you a second chance, so please take it. I'll find a good drug recovery program for you. I will help get you both clean so you can start over. This is just a roadblock. You can persevere and make it through this. Just let her go and let me help you. For your son. Please. Think about him.”
“M: It's too late to cleanse her. It's too late for me to cleanse myself. I've sinned too much already. I can't go near my son. He will get tainted. He deserves better parents. In our next life, I hope we will be better parents.”
His hand moved and I hesitated for five seconds before I pulled the trigger. All I saw was blood. So much of it. My hesitation gave him enough time to slit her throat. I wanted to save both but I saved neither. I just made a little boy an orphan. All the training I went through meant nothing. I was supposed to save lives not take them. Why Khap...Why couldn't you be better? Already screwed up on the second year of the job.
Dr. Pedchai said I needed closure. His suggestion? Go and meet the kid whose parents’ deaths I felt I was responsible for. I think my father is paying Dr. Pedchai to torture me not help me. How does meeting the kid resolve anything? Dr. Pedchai said his sister works at the orphanage that the kid is at. His sister, Sinjai, has a house in Kamyat village but doesn't use it since she has a room at the orphanage so that she can oversee the kids during the night. He said it's nothing fancy but it is peaceful and quiet. I would be able to clear my head some. Khai BangRajun. Has a nice ring to it. I don't know why, but every time I say it, a smile falls on my lips. I do need to get away from Bangkok. More specifically, Roong, my fiance. I actually said it without cringing this time. Nope, I take that back, I just cringed. Our fathers are best friends and our mothers were best friends also when my mother was still alive. My father said it was my mother's wish to see me and Roong get married when we were older. I was six at the time and Roong was three so I'm not sure what screamed perfect match. I can't ask my mother obviously and my father barely talks to me. Roong is a very materialistic woman. She wants the best of the best and I give her what she asks for. In part, it gets her away from me. Sometimes I think I see dollar signs when I look into her eyes. Our relationship is a joke. The most intimate we've ever been is sitting in a car next to each other. Not that I am complaining. I have no desire to be with this woman. I would sign over my fortune to her if she would just break off our engagement. I would do it but then my father would probably stroke out and die or he would just tell me my mother would be disappointed. I don’t want to hear the latter so I just suck it up. So you see, I am in between a rock and a hard place. Hopefully, Roong will find someone to fall in love with and then break up with me. My phone rings, it's Sang.
“K: Ai Sang.”
“S: Ai Khap, I heard what happened. Now, I want you to tell me what happened. You can tell me when you buy me dinner.”
“K: Ai Sang, you have money. Quit trying to make me buy your food.”
“S: I'm saving up to buy a special ring for a special girl.”
“K: Really? Is it Susie, Nita, Namfon, or Janie..who else is there? I can't remember.”
“S: None of those girls. Those girls are just temporary until the one I hold in my heart is ready. You may have met her a few times.”
“K: Ok, ok, there are too many. My head hurts thinking about it. Why aren't you at work?”
“S: I called in and said it was a family emergency. I wanted to make sure you are ok.”
“K: I'm fine. Juang has been messaging me. She should be off from school here in a little bit. We can pick her up and then go eat.”
“S: Does she have to go? She talks a lot and it makes me talk faster so I can get more words in then she does. It's tiring. Plus, she's a flirt and guys always flock to her and we always get into fights because of that. My lips don't need to get any bigger than they naturally are so I don't want anyone busting my lips.”
“K: How many times do I have to tell you not to call my sister a flirt? Do you want a busted lip?”
“S: Ok, ok..Juang is naturally charismatic so people tend to gravitate to her lovely charms? Does that sound better than flirt?”
“K: Whatever man. I just got home, so pick me up and then we'll go pick up Juang.
BangRajun
Feung -
We got home and father is not home yet. He usually gets off work at 5:00pm. More than likely, he is passed out at one of the neighbor’s house.
“Fe: Fang, I am going to go look for father. He may be at Lung Samood's house.”
“Fa: P'Feung, he's a grown man. He can find his way home when he sobers up. Care about your favorite sister who is about to starve to death. I had to work at so many different places today.”
“Fe: Work? You didn't go to school?”
“Fa: P'Feung, you know what I mean..when I say work I mean study. We had to go to different places for our research. Enough about school, it makes my head hurt. What should we cook today?”
“Fe: How about some grilled fish and fish soup? I'll see if P'Jai wants to eat with us today.”
“Fa: P'Feung, P'Jai can cook his own food. He isn't related to us so we aren't obligated to feed him.”
“Fe: Fang, he helps us a lot. The least I can do is cook for him.”
“Fa: P'Feung, I'm afraid he might misunderstand your kindness. You are too kind P'Feung and sometimes people might get the wrong impression and think it means more than it does.”
“Fe: I see P'Jai as a brother and nothing more.”
”Fa: But he isn’t our brother and I don’t want to share you with him. Don't invite him or I'll throw something at him.”
“Fe: Fang!”
At this moment, our father walks in the house.
“P: Why isn't there any food ready? The house looks like a mess! What's the point of having daughters when they don't cook and clean! You girls are good for nothing except for the dowries you bring when I marry you off! You, Nang Feung, as beautiful as you are, you could be bringing in some money to this house. Instead, you waste your time on those useless kids that will never amount to anything in their life. Remember! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!”
I feel the tears trickle down my face. I hate when he gets like this. I can take him insulting me but why does he have to insult those innocent kids?
“Fa: Por, you have hands and legs, you can cook and clean yourself. P'Feung works from sun up to sun down so that we have food to eat and clothes to wear! What do you do? You never bring anything home! You spend it on your precious alcohol. No wonder Mae left you!”
“P: Nang Fang!”
I moved Fang out the way so that I can protect her from fathers's wrath. I felt the weight of his hand on my face. Once, twice. Three times before Fang pushed him and he fell back. My face throbbed.
“Fa: P'Feung. Let’s go stay at the orphanage tonight until father sobers up. I'm sorry for causing trouble.”
Seeing my sister cry breaks my heart. I know if we stay here tonight things will escalate. About an hour later, we were back at the orphanage. P'Sinjai said we were welcome to use her house nearby since she was staying in the extra room at the orphanage. We were welcome to stay as long as we need to but she would be having a guest stay there in two weeks. It was her brother's friend from Bangkok who needed a change of scenery. I think two days would be all we need for father to cool down. By the time we got settled in the house, eat, and showered, I am dead tired. Sleep comes fast. I dream of the faces of eighteen angels waiting for me tomorrow. I smile.
CHAPTER THREE
Bangkok
Khap -
We end up at a little Italian restaurant close to the house. Juang wanted Italian and I have never told my little sister no. Like usual, Juang and Sang bickered from the moment we picked her up to the moment we arrived at the restaurant.
“Ju: P'Sang, I think you should pay for this round of dinner. In the years I've known you, I don't think I've ever seen your wallet.”
“S: You've seen my wallet before...When I put the money I win from your brother in my wallet.”
He laughs. Cheeky bastard.
“Ju: P'Sang, P'Khap has had a rough day. The least you can do as his best friend is buy him dinner. Is that too much to ask for?”
”S: Nongsao, don't pretend like you know what Khap is feeling right now. I'm helping Khap by allowing him pay for my dinner. Men like Khap gets satisfaction from being needed. Me needing him to pay for my dinner makes him feel good, superior even. Right Ah Khap?”
I roll my eyes. The shit that comes out of his mouth.
“Ju: P'Sang, you're a man too, why don't you pay for dinner so that you can get that sense of so called satisfaction?”
“S: Juang, I am a different species of man than your brother . Our kind gets satisfaction when our stomachs and wallets are full.”
“Ju: So, like a bottom feeder?”
”S:Jua.....”
“K:Ok, I am ready to order. I'm hungry.”
We all placed our orders with the waitress. As we wait for our food, I catch some guys from the nearby table staring at Juang. They are not even trying to be discreet about it. Sang catches on too and looks at Juang.
“S: I am trying to see what they see. I don't see anything worth looking at.”
Sang studies Juang and his eyes drop lower.
“S: You don't have much in the chest area so I'm not sure what they are staring at.”
“Ju'Sang!”
I jump out of my seat and get Sang in a choke hold.
“K: How many times do I have to tell you not to talk about Juang like that? She is my baby sister. You treat her like a little sister too. You protect her when I'm not around. That is your job. You never talk about her...um.. you know what I'm talking about! From here on out, when you talk to Juang, look only at her face! If I see you looking anywhere else, I will poke your eyes out!”
Everyone at the restaurant is watching us now. Juang is red from embarrassment. Sang is red from possible asphyxiation. I walk over to the table with the group of guys that started all this.
“K: Do we have a problem?”
They all shake their head. I turn to address our audience
“K: OK, the show is over now. Let's eat.”
I bring up Khai BangRajun as we eat.
“Ju: I think it would be good for you P'Khap. Being away from home. I can go too when school is done. I only have a few months left. Songkran is coming up so we will have a break. I should be able to join you shortly after you get there. You want to leave in two weeks right?”
“K: I plan to. I want to wrap some things up in Bangkok before I leave. I don't know how long I will be staying there though.”
“S: I'll go with you too Ai Khap. No one will miss me here.”
“K: Ai Sang, you still have your job here. Plus, I need you to look after Juang when I'm not here.”
“S: My job I can quit anytime. I’ve been thinking about quitting anyways since they partnered us up with different people. I don’t trust my current partner as far as I can throw him. It won't be the same at the station anyways without you there. I'll hang around to watch over Juang though...from the neck up only right? Too early to joke?”
Juang and I both roll our eyes.
“Ju: P'Khap, who is going to cook for you over there? Who is going to help with your laundry?”
“K: Juang, I know how to cook and clean after myself.”
“Ju: No, you don't. When was the last time you cooked a meal, without my help?”
I think about this. My sister is right. I either go out or eat or I wait until she cooks something for me. Fried eggs should be easy to do. Fried eggs every day doesn’t sound too bad.
“Ju: P'Khap, I'm worried about you. Maybe you should wait until I finish school and then go?”
“K: Juang, between dealing with Roong and father..if I delay this any longer, I may as well put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger.”
No one says anything.
“K: That was a joke. I'm not suicidal.”
“Ju: P'Khap, I love you more than anything in this world. You are not only my brother, but you are also my father.”
My sister starts tearing up and Sang is shooting me daggers. Goddamnit, it was a joke. I pull Juang into a hug.
“K: I was kidding Juang. You are not going to get rid of me that easily. I still need to beat up the line of guys that are trying to woo you. No one in this world is good enough for you nongsao.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Two Weeks Later
BangRajun
Feung -
We only stayed at P'Sinjai's place for two days. By that time, father had already forgotten what happened. We still went through the same cycle of him coming home drunk all the time. Fang felt badly about what happened so has made an effort not to aggravate our father. P'Sinjai had asked us to clean up the house and would compensate us for the work. She was expecting a very important guest that her brother is sending from Bangkok. He should be here any day now. After P'Sinjai paid us, I went to the market to buy some items to cook for the kids. It's been a while since they had something tasty to eat. It would be my treat for them today. Fang is at school today but she should be breaking for lunch sometime soon. I hope she took the food I left aside for her today. As I neared the orphanage, I saw a car that I've seen before and I motorcycle that I don't recognize. When I walked inside, I saw Khun Thap talking to P'Sinjai and her husband.
“Fe: Khun Thap, what brings you here?”
“T: I came by to drop off some school supplies for the kids and some donation boxes that I set up around our hotels. It should help you guys for a while.”
“Fe: Khun Thap, I don't know what to say or how to thank you. Without your help, this place would be in rough shape.”
At that point, P’Sinjai and her husband got up from where they were sitting.
“Si: Feung, our guest is here so we are going to go to the house and make sure he is settled in, ok?”
“Fe: Take your time, P'Sinjai, I can handle things here. “
“T: Actually Feung, if you have a minute, there is something that I would like to ask for your help on.”
Khun Thap took a few steps closer to me and at that time Parob came out of nowhere to pull me away.
“Fe: Is something wrong Parob? Do you need something?” He made a motion for me to pick him up so I did and set him on my lap. He turned to face Khun Thap and pointed at him to stay where he was at.
“T: Ok, Parob, I will talk to your Mae Feung from over here. Feung, what I want to ask you is your permission to court Fang. I think I'm in love with her. I think about her all the time since the first time I saw her. I know she loves you and think of you as not only her sister but also her mother. So, I am asking your permission to pursue her.”
“Fe: Khun Thap. If it is just a feeling that you think you have, I am afraid I can't give you permission to pursue my sister. Other than this orphanage, my sister is my life. I need you to be sure of your feelings before I can give you my blessing. My sister and I have had more downs than ups. I don't want to introduce anything into her life that will bring her pain. I need my sister to be happy and live a comfortable life. If you helping us at this orphanage is a way to buy my sister’s love, then I am afraid we cannot accept your help anymore. It will be hard on us but we will survive. The people of Khai BangRajun have their pride too.”
“T: Feung, I help out because I have everything in excess and I genuinely want to help. There are no strings attached. I will go back and reevaluate my feelings and come back here to inform you of my intentions again. I know that my response will be the same; I am in love with Fang.” “
“Fe: If that is the case, nothing will make me happier. To know that my sister will have someone to love her and take care of her. She is the apple of my eye and I expect you to love her just as much as I do. Even with my blessing, it will be entirely up to you whether or not, my sister accepts you. Based on your previous interactions with her, you should know she is not a fan of yours. Fang has internal scars that you can't see. It will take time for her to accept you. If you are patient and sincere, your goodness will win her heart.”
“T: Thank you Feung. I will leave you be now. I should be by in a couple of weeks. P' Sabai made some special outfits for the kids for Songkran.”
“Fe: Please tell Khun Sabai we are forever grateful for her kindness.”
As Khun Thap walks out, P'Jai walks in.
“J: What is he doing here again? He is here quite a bit now.”
“Fe: He came to drop off donations and school supplies for the kids. Did you eat already P'Jai?”
“J: I did. I am dropping off some bags of rice here and P'Sinjai asked that I drop off a bag at her house for her guest. Do you know who is staying there?”
“Fe: It's a friend of P'Sinjai's brother. I don't think he came with much since he probably came in on that motorcycle.”
“J: Ok, well, some of the neighbors need help with their farmland so I don't think I will be able to walk you and Fang home today.”
“Fe: P'Jai, I don't think anyone is brave enough to go against Fang.”
“J: You have a point there. I will see you later.”
As I was cooking dinner for the kids, one of the older girls, Natra, approaches me.
“N: Mae Feung, can you teach me how to cook? I want to learn how to cook.”
“Fe: Sure, does cooking interest you?”
“N: Not really, but I thought maybe if I learned to cook well, someone would want me.”
I pull Natra into a hug.
“Fe: Natra, listen to be real good, it's not that no one wants you. The people that need you just don't know it yet. You are so very special..everyone here is so special that only people with enough merits would be able to get to know you, love you, and have you in their lives. I must have performed a lot of merits in my previous life, because in this lifetime I got to meet all of you and love all of you. To me that is an honor. Do you understand what I am saying Natra?”
“N: Yes, Mae Feung.”
“Fe: I also want you to think about why you want to cook again. Don't do something so that someone will validate who you are. Do it for yourself. If you want to cook, do it because your dream is to be a famous Chef one day and cooking is what makes you happiest. Go ahead and stir the food like this. You got this. You can go brag to the others that you cooked today's delicious food, ok.”
“N: Yes Mae Feung!”
I feel the tears pooling in my eyes. The kids here think they are not good enough to be wanted. It breaks my heart when I hear them say that. I make sure I tell them I love them every day. A little while later, Fang arrives just in time for dinner. After we finished eating, Fang was in charge of doing the dish duty with some of the kids helping her. The younger kids started showering. P'Sinjai should be back in time to put them to bed. As I continued to put stuff away, I noticed Parob staring out the door.
“Fe: Parob, why aren't you getting ready for your shower. If you are last, all the hot...”
And that is when I saw him. I’ve seen those eyes before. Saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. I've seen him before. I just don't know where I saw him. He feels familiar but how so? I've never set foot outside of Khai BangRajun other than the few times I went to SingBuri. I can't know him, can I? Like a moth to a flame, I walk towards him. I have no control over my body now. It’s like I am in a trance. He is walking towards me also. We only stop when we are inches away.
“Fe: Can I help you Khun...”
“K: Khap. My name is Khap, ja. Mae Feung.”
Khap –
The trip to SingBuri was tiring. I took my motorcycle and only packed the essentials. Dr. Pedchai said it was going to be similar to camping. I just hope they have electricity to charge my phone. It’s my lifeline to Juang. I can be overbearing at times but she is my only baby sister. It was rough driving through SingBuri. Memories of my mother’s accident came crashing back. I try to push them away but I can’t. I still remember that day vividly. They never caught the driver. It was a hit and run. They did find alcohol in the car so he had to have been drinking. We checked with the owner of the taxi company but they had no paperwork on file for the guy. He was just a small village guy coming into SingBuri for work. My dad spent three years after my mother’s death trying to find the guy to make him pay for what he did. The guy was like a ghost. He just disappeared. My father swore if he ever found the man responsible he would make him pay. An eye for an eye he said. I looked into it when I was older but found nothing. I dropped it. Nothing I do to the man would bring my mother back nor give me and Juang the childhood we lost. I finally arrive at the address Dr. Pedchai wrote down for me. I park my bike at what looks like the local orphanage that Dr. Pedchai told me about. I grab my backpack and walk towards the house that is not too far away from it. I look at the house. At least it has walls. It may take me a while to get accustomed to this but it’s worth not having to deal with Roong and my father. As I walk up the stairs, I see a man and a woman walk up to the house. She must be Dr. Pedchai’s sister.
“Si: Sawadee Khun Khap. Did you find everything ok?”
“K: You must be Khun Sinjai. I actually just got here. Is it ok to park my motorcycle over there?”
“Si: That’s fine. That is where my husband and I stay. There is an extra room at the orphanage and it is in better shape than what we have here. Please make yourself at home and let us know if you need anything. You can come get us any time.”
“K: Thank you for your kindness. Um, is the kid..you know the little boy..”
“Si: Parob? Yes, he is over there. He should have just finished eating now and is probably getting ready for his shower. Would you like to go see him now?”
“K: That’s ok. Maybe another time.”
“Si: Ok, tell us if you need anything. “
After unpacking the little that I have, my curiosity got the best of me and I started walking around the compound. The area was nice. There was a little area that I could play some soccer. Maybe I could break the ice with Parob by playing some soccer. Unless he just hates me on sight. There’s a strong possibility that he may take one look at me and know what I did. Maybe my sins are branded on me. As I round the orphanage, I see a little boy standing in the doorway. I already know that’s him. He has his mother’s eyes. I’ll never forget the fear in her eyes when her husband killed her. The sadness. The regret. Sometimes I see her eyes when I shut my eyes to go to sleep. Either her eyes or my mother’s eyes are what haunts me at night. On good nights, I tsee the shape of a woman’s face in my dreams. Someone I have never met but I feel connected to. I can’t make the details of her face but she calms me down. She makes me feel this burning sensation deep in my chest. It’s crazy and I can’t explain it. But, I am happiest when she comes in my dreams. It may be the side effects of the anti-depression medicine I am taking though. Who knows? The kid and I have a staring contest that seems to last forever. I then hear a voice that shakes me to my core.
“Fe: Parob, why aren't you getting ready for your shower. If you are last, all the hot...”
Her voice ignites this burning sensation in my chest. She comes into full view and I can’t stop staring at her. She’s beautiful. Not the kind of beauty that just catches you off guard at first glance, but the kind that leaves a long lasting impression. The kind of beauty that penetrates every fiber of your being. Everything about her draws me in. I have to stop myself from reaching out to touch her to make sure she is real. I’ve seen her before. I am sure of it. Before I am able to stop myself, I bring her into my arms and hold her. I never want to let go. She doesn’t resist. Next thing I know, I am falling. Falling into this sea of darkness.
“Si: Khap.. are you ok? I think he’s coming to.”
“K: What happened? I feel like someone took a sledgehammer and went to town on my head.”
“Fa: Ai baa, next time you come close to my sister again, it will be a sledgehammer. Be lucky it was only a pestle!”
“Fe: Fang!”
“K: You hit me with a pestle?! Are you crazy? You don’t know me and I don’t know you.”
I reach out to feel the back of my head. Yea, it’s going to be the size of a baseball by tomorrow morning. I look at the girl who hit me and then back at the angel next to her. That’s her sister? They couldn’t be any more different. Where my lady was prim and proper, this girl was just messy and wild. Did I say just say my lady? Damn, I must have been hit hard.
“Fe: Khun, I apologize for my sister. She is still young and doesn’t know right and wrong yet. Please don’t press any charges.”
I caught in the trance again. I can’t stop staring at her. That is until I feel a little hand slap my face. What the hell is up with these people?
“Fe: Parob! What are you doing?! Don’t hit him. Khun, I am so very sorry.”
I look at the little perpetrator. This may be harder than I thought. I glance at the angel’s sister and see her smirk. Yea, this is going to be a long and difficult road for me.
“K: It’s fine. Just let me sit up and reorient myself. I am sorry what happened back there. I thought you were someone else.”
Lies. I wanted to hug her. I want to hug her again actually but I may not make it two steps forward with tweedledee and tweedledum in the way. I get up slowly, hoping the room would stop spinning. Dr. Pedchai’s sister brings me a glass of water. I drink it up and hold my head in my hands. Waiting for everything to settle down.
“Si: Feung, Fang, this is my brother’s friend, Khap, from Bangkok. He will be staying here for a while. I’m sorry if there was any type of misunderstanding.”
I hear the wild sister, Fang, scoff.
“Fa: Bangkok men. Think they can come into town with their fancy clothes and cars and have all the women of Khai BangRajun fall at their feet.”
“K: I actually rode a motorcycle here.”
“Fa: Same difference. Bangkok men are all the same. Leave my sister alone or else you will be in worst shape than you are now.”
I’ve never hit a girl before and I am not going to start now. I stand up.
“K: Look, I am sorry for the misunderstanding. Can we start over?”
I look at Fang. I avoid eye contact with her sister because I may just hug her again and her crazy sister and little man may just kill me. I make eye contact with the kid, Parob. He kicks me in the shin. What the fuck?! I bite my tongue. Maybe he knows what I did. Maybe this is my atonement. I catch Fang smirking out of the corner of my eye. The angel, Feung, picks up Parob and whispers something to him. She lets him down and he runs off.
“Fe: Khun Khap. I’m sorry for how Fang and Parob is acting. They usually do not act like this.”
“K: Just call me Khap. No need to be formal. I’m just a normal guy trying to seek refuge here in Khai BangRajun.”
“Fa: How about we just call you “Ngoo”?”
“K: Why would you call me a snake?”
“Fa: Because all men from Bangkok are snakes.”
“Fe: Fang, can you go help P’Sinjai with the kids please.”
“Fa: But P’Feung.”
“Fe: Fang, please.”
The fireball walks out of the room huffing and puffing. Now, it’s just me and Feung.
“Fe: I’m sorry again Khun..”
“K: Just Khap please.”
“Fe: I don’t feel comfortable calling you that.”
“K: How about P’Khap then. I’m probably older than you.”
“Fe: I rather call you Khun Khap.”
“K: That’s fine. Whatever you want to call me.”
“Fe: How did you know who I was earlier?”
“K: What do you mean?”
“Fe: When you called me Mae Feung.”
“K: You must have misheard me. I didn’t say that.”
Lies again. I know I said Mae Feung. I just don’t know why. Dr. Pedchai must have mentioned it in one of our conversations. How else would I know to have called her Mae Feung? She doesn’t look like she believes me.
“K: Have we met before?”
“Fe: It wouldn’t have been possible. I’ve never been to Bangkok or stepped foot outside of SingBuri Province.”
I study her. I want to ingrain her face in my memory forever. I want to hold her again. I take a step closer but then got shoved ten steps back. Fang, of course.
“Fa: Ngoo, what did I tell you about staying away from my sister? P’Feung, I’m done. Let’s go home.”
“Fe: Goodbye Khun Khap.”
I nod my head and whispered, “Goodbye Mae Feung.”
“Fa: I hope we don’t see you again Ngoo.”
“Fe: Fang!”
I am glad Juang is not like that. Speaking of Juang, I need to call her and make sure she and Sang haven’t killed each other yet.
Feung-
I feel like I am still in a daze as I walk home with Fang. I hear Fang complaining about Khun Khap but I can’t exactly make out what she is saying. I am lost in my own head. His eyes are so familiar. Where have I seen him before? Like I told him, it was impossible that we have met before being I never leave SingBuri. I was shocked when he hugged me. The shock was then replaced by comfort. I felt safe in his arms. He felt familiar. I should have pushed him away but it felt like time had stopped and it was only me and him. I shake my head. What is wrong with you Feung? You are a Thai woman! Have some shame and decency. My first hug from a man was from a man I don’t think I’ve ever met before. I need to stay away from him. He makes me feel things that I’ve never felt before. He makes me feel like I am no longer in control of my body. Fang’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Fa: P’Feung, P’Feung, what are you thinking about that you aren’t even paying attention to me?”
“Fe: Nothing.”
“Fa: P’Feung, are you thinking about that con baa? Do you know him? Why did you let him hug you? You didn’t even push him away.”
“Fe: What was I supposed to do Fang? I was in shock.”
“Fa: You push him away. Hit him. Kick him. Something! What would have happened if I didn’t go in the room at that time?”
“Fe: Nothing would have happened, Fang. He wouldn’t have done anything crazy.”
“Fa: How do you know P’Feung? Have you met him before this? You’re acting strange.”
“Fe: I feel like I can trust him Fang. That is why. I don’t know why he hugged me and I didn’t have time to react. Don’t worry about it anymore. We probably won’t see much of him anyways.”
When we got home, the house was a mess again. Father was probably looking to see if we had any money hidden. If he is not spending money on alcohol, he spends it on gambling. When he runs out of the money he makes, he takes whatever little that we have saved up. I don’t keep money at the house. I asked P’Sinjai to keep the money I have been saving to buy the orphanage so that it will stay safe. Father hasn’t come home yet since the food I left earlier is still uneaten. Fang and I cleaned the house and went to the lake to shower. I was sitting on the steps drying my hair when a voice startled me.
“J: Feung, I wanted to make sure you two made it home okay.”
I nodded.
“Fa: P’Jai, please find someone else to worry about. P’Feung is my sister. I can take care of her.”
“J: Fang, I just worry about you two. Regardless of how strong and fierce you are, you are still women. You won’t always win. I care for you two like I would my sisters.”
“Fa: As long as you see you see P’Feung as your sister and nothing more. You’re not good enough for her P’Jai.
I see P’Jai looking down at his feet. I don’t have any other feelings for P’Jai other than him being a big brother. I also don’t want to hurt his feelings. Sometimes Fang is too blunt. She is brave to say things that I think but am too afraid to say.
“Fe: Fang, please don’t talk to P’Jai like that. He is like our older brother. You need to show him some respect.”
“Fa: I’m sorry, P’Jai. I would just rather you hurt now than later when you’re in too deep. I welcome you as our brother. Nothing else.”
With that, Fang walks back inside the room.
“Fe: P’Jai. I’m sorry for what Fang said but I do see you only as a big brother. I think in this life, I want to spend all my love on those kids at the orphanage.
“J: I understand Feung. If you only accept me in the capacity of a big brother, I will take it. I can’t just turn off my feelings for you though. Please let me protect you until you find someone who is good enough to take care of you and give you a comfortable life.”
“Fe: P’Jai, you should find a good girl to take care of you. My life is that orphanage and Fang. I don’t have room in my heart for anything else.
I get up to join Fang in the room. As I lay awake, my thoughts drift to Khun Khap and the events earlier today. I don’t think I can ever forget his eyes. All I see is sadness. I see the same thing when I look into Parob’s eyes. Sadness and emptiness. Fighting to make it through another day. I wonder what people see when they look into my eyes.
Khap-
Khai BangRajun is not all that big. There are several small villages that make up Khai BangRajun. The village where I am staying at, Kamyat village, was mainly farmland. I woke up and did my run routine this morning and did make it a point to try and find out what where Mae Feung’s house was. P’Sinjai pointed in the general direction to show me but I still haven’t figured out which house was hers. Mae Feung. Every time I say her name I want to smile. Is this what love is? I love Juang and Sang but this is a different feeling. I know what I have with Roong is not love. I never want to be near her or touch her. With Mae Feung, just being next to her soothes me. She has this calming effect on me that I can’t quite explain. I give up on finding her house after a while and jog back to the orphanage. I end up in a field that could easily be set up as a soccer field. I will have to check with P”Sinjai to see if she can find out who the owner is. If the price is right, I could purchase the land and make it into a soccer field for the kids at the orphanage to play in. Soccer is another great love in my life. I used to go out to the soccer field to kick out for some of the frustration when I would get into it with my father or Roong was just getting on my nerves. I see P’Sinjai walking out the orphanage. I run over to chat with her about the property.
“Si: Good morning Khap. Did you sleep okay?”
“K: I haven’t slept that well in a while to be honest. P’Sinjai, can you tell me who owns the property over there? It doesn’t look like it’s being used and I think it would be a good place to build a soccer field so that the kids can play.”
“Si: My husband’s sister owns the property. She’s moved out to Bangkok for a while now. I can ask if we can use the land. I am pretty sure she won’t mind. It’s not being used for anything right now.”
“K: I want to buy it.”
“Si: Don’t you think that is too soon? You’ve only been here a couple of days. Are you sure you want to make that type of investment?”
“K: P’Sinjai, I’m not buying to make a profit off of it. I want to build something to give to these kids. Growing up, soccer probably saved my life. It was either taking my frustration out on the field or getting into fights. I mean, I still got into fights, but soccer has helped me out a lot and I hope it helps these kids.”
“Si: That’s very kind of you Khap. I am pretty sure Feung will be very happy when she hears about this. I will call my sister in law right away.”
“K: Uh, I am not doing it for her. I am doing it for the kids.”
P’Sinjai just laughs at me. Did I say something funny? It wasn’t my intention to impress Mae Feung by doing this. However, I wouldn’t mind if she was impressed.
“Si: Khap, I see things that most people don’t see.”
“K: Well, what do you see?”
“Si: I’ll tell you one day but today is not today. I will see you later.”
I laugh. Maybe she should visit her brother more often. I’m excited about the prospect of building a soccer field. It would give me something to do out here. My phone rings. Sang and Juang are both calling me. Fucking fantastic.
CHAPTER FIVE
Bangkok
Sang-
I swear to buddah I am going to kill her. How can someone so pretty be so infuriating? I am supposed to pick her up at the house to take her to school at 7:30am this morning. I get to the house and no one is home. I’m thinking the worst has happened. Juang has been kidnapped. Khap is going to kill me. I blow up her phone with phone calls and messages and she doesn’t answer. I call some of her friends to see if they know where she is at and no one knows. I call her father and he doesn’t know. You would think her father would be more concerned than this. I don’t understand parents. Why have kids if you don’t want them. They make contraceptives. Jeez. I focus back on the task at hand: operation find Juang. I am on the way to the University when I spot her at a popular breakfast spot with a guy. I look again to make sure it is a guy that I am seeing and not some tomboy. Yep, it’s a guy. About to be a dead guy. Juang laughs at something the jerk says. She never laughs like that with me. The punk reaches out and touches Juang’s hand. She retracts her hand politely. The nerve of the little shit. I park my car and run over to where they are at.
“S: Juang, who is this and why are you out with him?”
“Ju: P’Sang, this is P’Pope who is the upperclassman tutoring me for finals.”
“S: They don’t have any girl tutors? Why him? He doesn’t even look smart. Why are you calling him pee? He is not your brother.”
“Ju: P’Sang! I call you pee and we are not related. Stop making a scene, people are starting to look this way.”
“P: He’s not your brother?”
“Ju: He’s my brother’s best friend.”
“P: Hey man. Don’t worry about what I am to Juang. You should worry about yourself. Why did you touch her? Last I checked, touching wasn’t a requirement for studying. Listen to me and listen to me carefully. Don’t talk to Juang. Don’t look at Juang. Don’t even THINK about talking or looking at Juang. I’ll make your life miserable.”
“Ju: P’Sang! Stop this. He is just my tutor. Nothing is going on!”
“P: Are you threatening me?”
“S: Not threatening. Promising. If you come around Juang again, I will beat the shit out of you. Now move along.”
The twit jumps out of his seat and starts for his car.
“S: Hey! Come pay for the food asshole!”
He quickly tosses money on the table and hurries away. I take his seat in front of Juang. Ooh.. I always wanted to try the breakfast sandwiches here. I take a bit out of the food and it was heaven. The reviews were spot on about this place. I glance up to look at Juang. She glares at me with murderous intent.
“S: What?”
“Ju: P’Sang! Why do you always do this to me? He was my tutor for goodness sake. He is not out to steal my virtue. Not all guys are like you! I hate you!”
“S: What do you mean like me?”
“Ju: You use girls for one thing. And when you are done, you toss them away.”
“S: Those girls are after the same thing so I don’t see what the problem is.”
“Ju: You are such a pig P’Sang. One day you are going to get your heart broken by a girl.”
“S: She is already breaking my heart Juang. Every single day.”
Crap. I said too much. Just shut up Sang. Think about Khap killing you. Abort abort!
Juang-
His comment catches me by surprise. I’ve never seen him with a girl for longer than two weeks. Who is this girl? Could it be..
“S: You want to date Ah Tote or whatever his name is. Go ahead. Don’t come crying to me if he overthinks your actions and think you want to give him more and tries to take advantage of you. The way you flirt and laugh with him. Guys will misunderstand and think you are wanting to offer more! I am just looking out for you as a big brother.”
I hate him. I really do. He is 1% nice and 99% asshole. I feel the tears falling down my face.
“Ju: I hate you P’Sang.
I start bawling my eyes out. By the time I open my eyes again, P’Sang is kneeling in front of me. He takes my hands into his hands.
“S: Juang, don’t cry. I don’t say these things to hurt your feelings. I say them because I care for you. I don’t want guys to hurt you. You are smart and beautiful…Well, not when you are crying. You have an ugly cry. You may need to work on that.”
I move my hand to slap him on the shoulder. He takes my hand back.
“S: Seriously Juang. If anybody ever did anything to you, Khap and I would go crazy. I’m sorry if I was harsh on you.”
He looked sincere enough.
“Ju: You have to buy me ice cream after you pick me up from school and maybe I’ll think about forgiving you. Maybe.”
“S: Juang, you know I don’t spend money on anybody..but for your forgiveness, I will make an exception. Ok? Truce? Let’s go.”
We get up to walk to P’Sang’s car. I recognized a friend from school walking towards me. He stops me to ask if I was ready for finals yet. As I was about to respond, I hear P’Sang’s voice.
“S: Juang! Get in the goddamn car right now!”
I look around and everybody is staring at us now. I am mortified. I say bye to my friend and quickly run to the car.
“Ju: P’Sang, are you crazy? He was just a friend from school!”
“S: Have more girl friends. They don’t have the right equipment so I don’t have to worry.”
“Ju: What? You are gross. I am calling P’Khap. You are being unreasonable.”
“S: Go ahead, I’ll call him and tell him you snuck out with a boy this morning.”
CHAPTER SIX
BangRajun
Feung-
I show up to the orphanage a little later than normal. The grandma living next to us was not feeling well so I made her some medicine before I left. Father never came home but I still made some breakfast to leave for him in case he came home and was hungry. Today is the day that a school teacher from SingBuri comes and volunteers hours to help teach the kids. She comes once a week to teach the kids basic reading, writing, and math. We are still trying to develop a curriculum to accommodate the age differences between all the kids. They range from two years old to twelve years old. It’s hard to do since we only have one day out of the week with the teacher. The other days I work with P’Sinjai to reinforce what they learned with the teacher. I teach the younger kids the alphabets, numbers, and objects four days out of the week. I help reinforce reading, writing, and math with the older kids most of those days also. It’s a lot of work but when I see how happy the kids are, I feel content also. I glance at my watch. It’s almost time for me to start prepping for lunch. I also need to set some snacks out for the kids as they get out of class. As I rush into the kitchen area, I bump into someone and it almost knocks me on the ground. Luckily, the person grabs me by the waist before I fell. As I regain my balance, I look at who it was that I bumped into. It was none other than Khun Khap. His eyes have captured mines again. I can’t look away. Why are his eyes so sad? What is his story? His voice suddenly brings me back to reality.
“K: Feung, are you ok? I’m so sorry.”
“Fe: I’m ok. I should really watch where I am going. What are you doing here? Do you need something?”
“K: P’Sinjai said I could use the kitchen to cook breakfast but I have no idea where everything is.”
I noticed that his arms are still around me. They feel comfortable. Butterflies are fluttering in my stomach right now. Wait, Feung. This is wrong. You should not be acting or thinking like this.
“Fe: Khun, you can let go of me now.”
“K: Oh sorry. I didn’t realize I was still holding on to you. Sorry.”
He dropped his hands quickly. I can see his dimples. He is actually very cu… I shake my head again. Ah, what is wrong with me?
“Fe: I can show you where everything is real quick if you want. “
He smiles again and I see those dimples again.
“K: Actually, I lied. I just don’t know how to cook. I usually eat out or my sister cooks for me.”
“Fe: When was the last time you ate then?”
“K: At a restaurant right before I got to Khai BangRajun.”
“Fe: You must be starving! I can cook something for you real quick. Just have a seat.”
I go to the kitchen to whip something up real quick. Luckily, there was still some cooked rice left. I scooped some up in a bowl for him. Once I was done I took it over to the table he was sitting at. I also set down a glass of water for him.
“K: This looks and smells really good. Why don’t you eat with me?”
I haven’t eaten yet but I’m afraid there is not enough rice for two. I have some cooking now so it should be done soon. I can eat with the kids.
“Fe: You go on and eat. I’m ok for now.”
“K: You haven’t eaten yet have you? C’mon and join me. I can’t eat all of this by myself. It’s too much food.”
“Fe: There is barely any rice .I’m ok really.”
“K: If you don’t eat, I’m not going to eat. I will starve to death. My father once told me that I would make a mean ghost when I die. You don’t want me scaring off all your kids do you?”
“Fe: You? A mean ghost. You would have to be a mean person to be a mean ghost. I don’t see anything mean about you.”
“K: You haven’t met Khap Thakrit yet then. Well, being here has helped a lot too. I don’t feel angry all the time like I did before. And when I talk to you, I feel calm. Happy. C’mon just eat a little bit with me, please.”
He gets up to look for another bowl. I point out where we kept the bowls and utensils. He scoops some of the rice and placed it in the bowl for me. I guess I can’t not eat now. So here I am, eating with the one person I should really stay away from.
Khap-
I can’t stop smiling. I'm pretty sure I look like an idiot right now. She keeps trying to avoid eye contact with me as we eat. It's ok though. It gives me a chance to study her face. She's beautiful. Her eyes, nose, skin, and lips. If I wasn't trying to be such a gentleman, I would have kissed those lips already. It would be worth getting killed by her sister. I want her. I want to keep her forever. I can tell I am already getting possessive of her. I need to break things off with Roong as soon as possible. I can't make any moves with Feung until I am a free man. If Feung would give me a chance, I don't want Roong overshadowing us.
“K: Have you lived here your whole life?”
“Fe: Both Fang and I were born and raised here. Kamyat has always been home for us. And you?”
“K: My sister and I were born in Bangkok. Never lived anywhere else. Bangkok doesn't feel like home though. Not like here. I feel like this is home.”
“Fe: Here in Khai BangRajun? You feel this is home? Usually people want to leave here. Not many stay. It's mostly the older generation that lives here.”
“K: Why do you stay here then?”
“Fe: Because this is my home. The orphanage is my haven. My dream is to save up enough money so that I can buy this place to raise the kids that have been willingly and unwillingly left by their parents. Khun, these kids, they have so much life in them. I don't want them to wither and die. I want to help nurture and grow them. When they get older, I want to send them out in the world and have them contribute back.”
I can watch her talk all day. She's so passionate and so kind. I find myself falling deeper and deeper the more I look at her. I ache to hold and kiss her.
“K: Do you almost have enough to buy the place yet”
She shakes her head.
“K: How much more do you need?”
“Fe: I want to buy it with my own money. I can't stop you from donating your money but donations will go to operating the orphanage. I am saving up from jobs that I do here and there. The owner pays me a small salary to help maintain the orphanage. The place would be in better shape if the owner would give us the assistance money that the government gives each month to the orphanage. Instead, they just pocket the money.”
I slam my hand on the table, startling her.
“K: They can't do that. That is against the law. Why has no one reported them?”
“Fe: If we report them, they will shut this place down. Children's Haven would be no more. These kids will no longer have a place to stay.”
Fucking A. I hate this shit. Why are there people out there like that.
“K: How about this. If you won't let me help you buy the place, how about you let me pay you in exchange for cooking and doing laundry for me? My sister usually does those things for me. Now, I'm out here alone and have to fend for myself. I can learn to do them on my own but I would rather not if you are willing to help me out?”
“Fe: I don't know...”
“K: Look, and don't be trying to rip me off. I won't pay you more than the normal price.”
I get a smile from her.
“K: Please? At least have pity on me. I really do not know how to cook. I hate doing laundry. I hate folding. It would really be helping me out. We can work out a schedule where you only do it when you are free. Will that work?”
I do my best to give her my pleading face. I hope she says yes so I get to see her every day.
Feung-
The extra money would really help me purchase this place faster. I have already saved up 75% percent of the purchase price. I look at Khun Khap. I am not sure if he is trying to give me a sad or smiley face. It looks like a sad face but his dimples are showing. I laugh at his expression.
“Fe: Ok. I'll do it. I won't be giving you any discount through. I am going to charge you as much as anyone else would charge you.”
“K: I wouldn't have it any other way.”
He reaches his hand out for a handshake. As tempted as I am to feel his touch again, I wai him instead. He gives me a dimpled smile. It's hard not to smile back at him. He slides over his empty plates to me.
“K: I guess we can start now. Can you wash my dishes for me too? I hate cleaning.”
I try and stifle a laugh.
“Fe: Khun, what do you like? I'll I've heard so far is I hate this and I hate that. Do you like antything?”
“K: I like you.”
And just like that, he walks away. I am sure my face is turning red. I pick up the plates to go wash hoping my blush will go away by the time the kids come out for lunch. I smile to myself. His eyes are look different now. There is still sadness there but I also see light now. It makes me happy that he is happy. I don't know why. I haven't known him for more than a few days. I shake my head and continue to wash the dishes. I have to figure out when I would have time to do his laundry. Cooking is easy. I can cook for him when I cook for the kids. I feel someone tugging on my dress. I look down to see Parob. He hold's his hands out for me to hold him. I dry my hands quickly and pick him up. The bigger kids tease him and call him a baby. I want to hold him as much as I can because soon he will be too big to carry. Or, he will go to a nice family and I would never get to see him again. He helps me dry the dishes and then set the table for the kids to have lunch. The day goes by quickly. Next thing I know, it's almost time for dinner and Fang will be home from school soon. I set some food aside for Khun Khap. As I start to pass the food out to the kids, Fang shows up. I fix her a plate also. By the time we are done with dinner, it was almost dark and we started getting ready to get home. I wanted to drop off Khun Khap's food on our way home.
“Fa: Where are you going P'Feung. Home is this way remember?”
“Fe: I need to drop this of to Khun Khap real quick.”
“Fa: When did you start cooking for him? Tell him to go find someone else to cook for him. Let's go.”
“Fe: Fang, I am not doing this for free. He is paying me to cook and clean for him. It will help us purchase the orphanage faster.”
“Fa: P'Feung! Why would you do that?! I told you I would help you with the money. I don't want you to have to be a housemaid for someone just to make extra money. No. You are not doing this.”
“Fe: Fang, I am the older sister here. If you love me, you have to listen to me. Khun Khap means no harm. He is not used to being on his own and having to do things himself. We are just going to help him out until he learns how to cook and clean himself. Ok?”
“Fa: Fine. Let me take the food to him then.
She grabs the basket from my hand and walks up the house. All I hear is a loud thud and I see Fang coming back down the stairs. She grabs my arm and starts walking home.
“Fa: Don't worry. He got the food. Let's go. “
We run into P'Jai in front of our house.
“Fe: P'Jai. Where have you been? I haven't seen you around lately.”
“J: I've been busy helping the neighbors with their famland. Actually, that is why I came over. They need some help in Ta Chang so I will be over there for a couple of months. I won't be in Khai BangRajun for a while and I wanted to make sure you have everything you need. If you need anything, you can find me in Ta Chang.”
“Fa: We will be fine P'Jai. No need to worry about us. Worry about yourself.”
“Fe: Take care of yourself P'Jai.”
P'Jai looks as us again before leaving. Fang and I walk up the stairs of our house. It looks like our father is home tonight.
“P: What kind of daughter comes home this late? What kind of daughter leaves their father to fend for themselves? No food! No nothing!
“Fa: What kind of...”
“Fe: I'll go cook something for you real quick Por.”
By the time I was done cooking and cleaning, was really late. I took a quick shower and laid down to sleep. When I close my eyes, all I see is Khun Khap and his dimpled smile.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Khap-
My diagnosis is that Fang is officially crazy. The crazy bat brought my basket of food and threw is down right in front of me. The contents spilled all over the place. Her parting words was, “Enjoy your dinner, Pig.” What the hell have I done that offended her so much. I can't pick where I was born. Blame my parents for that one. I need to call Juang. I ignored both her and Sang's calls today. They probably fought over something silly such as where to eat. I was too busy being on cloud nine today just being able to have a moment with Feung. She makes everything better. She makes breathing easier. I think she is the faceless woman in my dreams. I no longer see her in my dreams but I remember the feeling I get when I dream about her. I get this burning sensation in my chest right where my heart is at. I get the same feeling when I am around Feung. I pick up my phone and call Juang. She picks up on the fourth ring.
“Ju: P'Khap! Why didn't you pick up my calls earlier? I was worried sick about you. I almost had P'Sang go over there to check on you. Are you ok?”
“K: I'm fine. What did you call for?”
“Ju: P'Sang made me cry again. He embarrassed me in public P'Khap. He is getting out of hand. You need to do something. He saw me with a guy at breakfast....”
“K: Wait, what guy were you with Juang? Why were you out with him?”
I grate my teeth. I hate it when I see guys swarm around my sister. I see in their eyes what they want when they look at her. I'm a guy so I know what they are thinking. My sister is too naive to see that.
“Ju: Let me finish P'Khap. He is a tutor at the University. He was helping me study for exams. We were hungry and decided to go grab breakfast. It was totally innocent. P'Sang made a big deal out of it and even threatened him!”
“K: Good for Ai Sang. Next time you go study with a guy, take Ai Sang with you. If he is working, reschedule your study session.”
“Ju: But P'Khap!”
“K: No buts Juang. I mean it. I called you for something else. I met a girl here and she is going to be the one I marry Juang.”
“Ju: But Pee, what about Roong.”
“K: You know Roong and I don't love each other. Roong wants our money. She can have it if she wants it. I just want to end the engagement. Can you set up a meeting with her for me in a month or so? I want to end it face to face. I also want you there just in case she goes bat shit crazy. I've never hit a woman..and I have no intention to start with Roong. You can hit her for me though.”
“Ju: Gladly. I never did like her anyways. “
“K: Don't tell father yet though. Has he asked for me?”
Silence. It means he hasn’t asked for me or cared how I was doing. My sweet sister didn’t want to lie to me but also didn’t want to hurt my feelings. What she doesn't know if that I am always in a constant state of hurt when I think about my father. I hang up with Juang and start eating my dinner or what's left of it. I laugh at the thought of Fang. It's endearing how much she loves her sister. If I want to get close to Feung, I would have to tolerate Fang. I don't know how to approach that yet. Every time she sees me she comes at me like a rabid dog on the attack. Then there is Parob. I still need to deal with him. God, I wish I could hold Feung now. The next couple of weeks fly by fast. Feung and I fall into this easy routine where I would go and have breakfast and lunch at the orphanage. Dinner she brings over to the house for me before she heads home. I take my clothes to her to wash by the lake on Satudays. I pay her on Sundays. She is more comfortable around me now. She smiles more. I find myself smiling more also. This Saturday I had more clothes for her to wash than usual. P'Sinjai's sister in law agreed to sell me the property to turn into a soccer field. I have been out there every day striping the field and building the net. I had to changes at least three times a day because I was sweating so much in the hot sun. Juang's already sent me clothes twice. Today I sit quietly next to Feung and watch her wash my clothes.
“K: Do you need me to help you?”
“Fe: No, I want you to pay me in full. If you help me, you may ask me for a discount.”
I smile at her and she smiles back. I'm happiest when it's just me and her like this.
“K: I'm almost done with the soccer fields. They should be able to play on it after Songkran is over. “
“Fe: They will be so excited when you tell them. I've seen Parob watching you kick the ball a few times. I think he wants to play too. “
She always gets lost in her thoughts when she talks about the kids. I take her hands in mines.
“K: Feung, you are doing a great job with these kids. When others wouldn't even give them a second glance, you devote your life to them. They are lucky to have you in their lives.”
“Fe: It will be sad to see them leave but I also don't want them to be stuck here forever. If there is a better family for them out there who can give them a comfortable life, I want that for them. I want them to feel love and cherished.”
“K: You love and cherish them here. They are happy here. What are they lacking besides money? Money doesn't always bring you happiness Feung. I know. Trust me. They lack a mother and father? I can be their Por Khap if you want. As long as you're their Mae Feung.”
She removes her hands from mines and hits me on the shoulders. I know she is not mad because she is smiling. I love her smile. I love her lips. I love everything about her. Especially her lips. I take her hand again. In an instance, I lose my self control and lean in to kiss her on those beautiful lips. I think I was just as surprised as she was when that happened. I pull back to gauge her expression. She doesn't say anything so I kiss her again. This time longer and more intense. She is the first to pull back this time. Her breathing is irregular. So is mine. I am pretty sure my heart is jumping out of my chest. I let go of her hands and lean back against the dock I lay beside her and she continues washing my clothes. I can get use to this. I really can.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Feung -
I am not sure what I am doing with Khun Khap. My head says no but my heart says yes. I allowed him to kiss me; twice. If Fang ever found out, she would kill him. Even though I was the one who should have stopped it from happening. I glance over at Khun Khap who is now sound asleep on the dock beside me. He must be tired from all the outside work he is doing on the soccer field. He has only been here a month but it feels like I have known him forever. I finish washing his clothes and start putting them in the basket so that I can go dry them. I probably should wake him up. I shake him gently.
“Fe: Khun Khap..wake up. You should go and rest at the house.”
“K: Hmmm..Mae Feung? How long have I been asleep? I must be more tired than I think.”
“Fe: Not too long, but I am ready to go now.”
We walk back to the house in silence. We continue this comfortable routine. Our time together was filled with stolen hugs and kisses and I allowed it. I crave his touch as much as he craves mines. Any resistance I had against him was long gone. Days turn into weeks and next thing I know, it is already Songkran. Khun Khap said his sister and best friend were going to visit him during Songkran and he would like to introduce me. I'm nervous and don't know how to present myself. I've never had anyone place such importance on me to where they want to introduce me to people they know. They should be arriving sometime later today. I'm currently trying to get breakfast ready for the kids and making a mental list of what I need to go buy when I go shop for the upcoming festivities. As I think to myself, I feel strong arms envelope me from behind.
“K: What's for breakfast?”
“Fe: Khun Khap, let me go before someone sees.”
“K: I miss you though.”
He gives me a small kiss on the cheek. I try and squirm out of his embrace. I'm scared Fang might see us. She doesn't have school this week so she should be around here somewhere. He finally lets me go.
“Fe: You see me every day.”
“K: Even every day is not enough. I want to see you every minute, every second.”
“Fe: You are talking crazy. Do you want me to cook extra lunch since your sister and friend is going to be here later?”
“K: Don't worry about lunch. I think we may just eat at SingBuri capital. I want you to go with us.”
“Fe: I can't. I have to say with the kids here.”
“Si: Feung, go ahead and go with Khap. Go enjoy being young. You never get to go out and have fun. My husband and I can handle the kids for the rest of the day.”
“Fe: P'Sinjai. Thank you but...”
“K: No excuses Feung. P”Sinjai said it's ok. You can even bring Fang if you want to.”
“Fe: I...”
“Si: Go Feung. It's ok.”
They are double teaming me. I have no excuse to say no now. I agree to go with Khun Khap. Fang isn't going to like this. I nod my head.
“K: Great, it's agreed on. You can't back out now. Let me go call Juang and see where they are at.”
What have I gotten myself into?
CHAPTER NINE
Sang -
I am so tired. I just got off a twelve hour shift and now I am making a two and a half hour drive to spend a week in the countryside. Lack of sleep puts me in a bad mood. Juang texting and not paying attention to be puts me in a worse mood. She's smiling at her phone again. That's it! I slam on the brakes.
“Ju: What the hell P'Sang. I almost flew out the window!”
“S: Sorry, there was a squirrel.”
“Ju: Be more careful.”
“S: Yes, Mae Juang.”
“Ju: Don't call me that. It makes me feel old.”
“S: You complain like an old lady.”
“Ju: Well you drive like an old man. At the rate we are going, Songkran will be over by the time we make it there.”
“S: Do you want to walk? I bet you I will make it there before you.”
“Ju: You are so moody today. Are you sad that you won't get to see your girlfriends for a week?”
I glare at her and she matches my stare. This girl doesn't back down. I turn to the road and continue to drive. Girlfriends. Only if she knew the truth. I bring the girls around to act as a barrier so I don't act on my true feelings. I've known Juang since she was fourteen and she caught my attention then but I didn't do anything about it because she was way too young. Of course now, she is off limits because she is Khap's younger sister. Oh stupid heart! Why must you love the one you can't have?
Juang -
I must have hit a nerve with the girlfriend comment. I've met all the girls that he's brought around. They are all ditzy. He could do so much better. He thinks I don't know but I know he is tough on the outside and sweet on the inside. If you dig deep enough, he is a very sweet and loyal guy. But you have to dig very very deep. I mean once you think you dug deep enough, keep digging a little more. That's how deep you have to dig to find sweet Sang. Since he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I go back to looking at funny cat pictures. Some are so ridiculous I can't stop laughing. I think of something.
“Ju: P'Sang, do you think my brother is going to move back to Bangkok?”
“S: I don't know, he sounds like he is happy there. If I find a place where I'm happy, I wouldn't go back to Bangkok. Not many good memories back there. “
“Ju: Not even with us?”
“S: The only happy memories I have ARE with you guys Juang. The other parts of my life are forgettable.”
“Ju: P'Sang..”
“S: Let's not talk about me. Talk about your brother. I think he met a girl there.”
“Ju: He did! Did you know he asked me to set something up for him and Roong? He said he is going to break off the engagement. I'm so excited! If he married Roong, he would be unhappy for the rest of his life. He can't even stand being in the same room as her for two seconds.”
“S: Roong reminds me of a giraffe.”
“Ju: It's the long neck right? I thought I was the only one that say that! That is too funny. Have you noticed how she keeps clearing her throat? That is the most annoying sound ever. I mean just spit it out already.”
“S: You know. I was watching this documentary about the Kayan Lawhi tribe. You know the one where the women wear the rings around their neck? Well, I wonder if Roong was secretly part of that tribe. She only puts the rings around her necks when she sleeps. That's the only explanation I can come up with for her long neck. It's freakishly long.”
We both look at each other and started laughing. Leave it up to P'Sang to think of things like that. I really want to meet this girl that seems to have stolen my brother's heart. I hope P'Khap finds his happiness. My brother was never the same after our mother's death. Even before her death, he was innately a sad person. My mother use to say that he was born a sad baby. He didn't laugh or smile as a baby. She said the first time he smiled was when I was born. Throughout the years I see my brother struggle to make it day to day. It's like he had to will himself to live each day. My mother's death and the shooting incident made it even worst. My greatest fear is losing my brother to his depression. I tear up thinking about it. The car comes to a sudden stop.
“S: Juang, what's wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?”
“Ju: Just my heart P'Sang. My heart hurts for P'Khap.”
“S: We're not going to lose him. I promise you. I love him like a brother. I won't let anything happen to him.”
My phone starts ringing. It's P'Khap.
“Ju: P'Khap? Yes, we should be there in an hour or so. We would’ve been there sooner but P'Sang is driving slower than a grandpa. Yes, I have the address. Bye.”
“S: Get out of my car.”
“Ju: No. Keep driving old man.”
Khap -
Juang and Sang arrived around 11am. I did the introductions and helped them get settled in at the house. We then started getting ready to go to SingBuri capital.
“S: We won't all fit in the car. You are going to have to take your motorcycle Ai Khap.”
“K: That's fine. Feung, do you want to ride with me?”
“Fa: No, P'Feung can ride in the car. I'll ride with you.”
“K: No, I'm afraid that you are going to do something intentional and get me killed.”
“Fa: I'm not that cruel.”
“K: You hit me in the head with a pestle..a stone pestle.”
“S: She hit you with a pestle? Did you hit her back?”
“K: I don't hit women Ai Sang.”
“S: She looks like a tomboy. They are a different species than women.”
Within fifteen seconds, Sang was on his ass.
“S: What the hell just happened!?”
“K: I think she just kicked your ass man.”
Sang stands up and raises both his hands up.
“S: She's not riding with me. Hell no.”
“Ju: Are you okay, P'Khap? Did you have a doctor look at it?”
“K: It's fine Juang. She only intended brain damage not death. Feung, do you want to ride with me? Fang can ride with Sang and Juang.”
“Fa: You only have one helmet. How can you be so irresponsible and want P”Feung to ride without a helmet?”
“K: She can use mines. I don't need one.”
“Fe: That's okay. I'll ride with Fang in the back of the car. You keep the helmet. It's dangerous to ride without a helmet.”
They turn to get into Sang's car. The little one turns and sticks her tongue at me. That little firecracker. I'll teach her a lesson one day. Although, it is nice to know that she will always protect Feung. I get on my bike and lead the way to SingBuri.
CHAPTER TEN
Fang -
I hate car rides. They make me sick. I prefer being in the open air on the motorcycle. I was hoping Dimples would have let me ride with him. Now I am stuck in the car with Lips and Eyes. Eyes, whose name I believe is Juang, keeps glancing at me nervously. I've never seen anyone with such big eyes. I guess she's scared I may take a pestle to her head too. She seems okay so we shouldn't have a problem. As long as she doesn't have plans to try and take P'Feung away from me, I won't have a problem with her. Wait. What if she's one of those girls that prefer women? Bangkok people are crazy. You have men who want to be women and women who want to be men. I've seen it on TV. I can't trust her either then. Lips, I already don't trust. He talks way to fast and way too much. Seems like a conman. Did I mention I hate cars? I feel like throwing up. I would love to throw up in this fancy car, but I also don't want to sit here and smell it the whole way there and back. Maybe I'll try and throw up right when we come back. A parting gift, if you will. I lay my head on P'Feung's lap to help with the nausea.
“S: What's wrong? You getting carsick?”
“Fe: We don't really go around in cars much. We mainly travel by motorcycle, bicycles or ox-carts.”
“S: They still have ox-carts?”
“Fe: That's the way we get around from village to village if the proximity is close enough.”
“Ju: I've never ridden on one before. I would like to before I leave.”
“Fe: I'm sure we can find you a ride.”
“Ju: Yay, I'm so excited!. Thank you P'Feung!”
“Fa: Hey, don't call her P'Feung. She's my sister not yours. And can you please slow down?! The bumps are making me sick.”
I hear the car rev up and feel the car pick up speed. What. A. Jerk.
Khap -
I arrive at the restaurant before them so I grab a table and wait. The restaurant is part of the Pongsakorn Hotel. My father was the one who did construction on this project. The Pongsakorn family has given us a lot of business within the last twenty years. I spot Thap Pongsakorn at the reservation desk. We show up at the same functions a lot and always make small talk so I guess you can call us acquaintances. I walk up to say hello to him.
“K: Thap. I didnt know you were working here. “
“T: My father wanted me to run this site for a couple of months until he can hire a general manager. What brings you here? Business in town?”
“K: I'm staying at Khai BangRajun Kamyat village for a while. Clear my head a bit.”
“T: I know where that's at. I go to the Children's Haven Orphanage quite a bit. I'm actually courting a girl that works there. Her name.....excuse me for a second Khap. Let me check in this couple real quick.”
I wait around for a bit because I want to know which girl he is courting. It can't be my Mae Feung. I feel the jealousy rising up. Jealousy. That is a new emotion for me and it is creeping up with a vengeance.
“T: Hey Khap. I need to do some damage control. There was a mix up in the reservations. You have my number. Call me if you want to hang out. “
He turns and leaves with the couple he was talking to earlier. Great, just great. I'll have to wait to get my answer. I spot my group arriving at the restaurant. Check your jealousy at the door Khap before you loose everything before you even have it. As I walk up to them, I see that there is something definitely wrong with Fang.
“K: Are you okay Fang?”
“Fa: Don't celebrate yet. I am not dying.”
“Fe: She got carsick.”
I know there is a little medicine shop close to here that should sell something to help.
“K: Go ahead and sit down. I'll be right back. Juang, order me a water please.”
I went to pick up the medicine for Fang and was back at the restaurant in less than 10 minutes. As I am walking back, I see Feung and Thap talking. She's smiling at him. My jealously flares up again. I just want to yank her away and hold her in my arms away from him. I made my mind up whether I want to have a throw down with Thap in the middle of a restaurant or not. Yep. we are doing this. I quicken my pace towards them but he is called away again. By the time I get to them, he is gone. Feung sees me and smiles at me. My anger dissipates. I am going to have to ask her about her and Thap one day. Today is not the day. I want her first day out with me to be a good one so I place my anger and jealously in check again. I take the medicine to Fang and hand it to her.
“Fa: How do I know you didn't poison it?”
“K: Because the seal hasn't been broken.”
“Fe: Fang, just take it and stop being difficult. It will make you feel better.”
“K: If I did anything to hurt you, your sister wouldn't like me very much.”
I smile at Feung. I see her blush and turn away. The rest of the day went by without any major incidents. Well, other than Fang throwing her water in Sang's face. Sang commented about how she looked like a rat chewing her food with her front teeth. She responded back with the water and said it was part of Songkran to throw water at each other. I'm just glad Sang didn't retaliate because we probably would have been kicked out of the restaurant. On the way back home, I let Fang ride on the motorcycle with me. I gave her my helmet. She didn't try to get us killed which I was thankful for. Feung wanted to stop by the orphanage to check on the kids first before going home. Sang and Juang went to the house before me. Fang went to help P'Sinjai clean up the kitchen. When Feung stepped out of the kids room, I pulled her into the dark hallway. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight.
“K: I miss you.”
“Fe: I was with you all day”
“K: I didn't get to hug you though.”
“Fe: Fang and P'Sinjai is going to come by any minute now.”
“K: Did you miss me too?”
She squirms and tries to get away. I kiss her softly on both her cheeks.
“K: Can you tell me if you miss me or not? I just want to know.”
She looks at me and nods her head. I look in her eyes and then my gaze shifts to her lips. I give her a quick peck on the lips before I let her go. It was great timing because Fang walks in as soon as we part.
“Fa: What are you still doing here?”
“K: I was going to see how you were doing. If the medicine helped any.”
“Fa: I'll live. Don't think because you helped me today, I will see you as my hero. You are not...Ngoo. Now please scurry away. P'Feung and I are heading home.”
“K: Why do you use the word scurry? It makes me feel like a dog or something. Well, just follow the instructions on the medicine box. Feung, let me know if you need me to help take anything to the temple tomorrow okay?“
I head to the house and can already hear Sang and Juang arguing.
“Ju: P'Khap! There is only one bedroom. Where are we all going to sleep?”
“S: I told her that you and I will take the room and she can sleep outside. We're good-looking guys so we have to be protected from all the women around here. Juang on the other hand....”
“Ju: P'Sang!”
“K: Be quiet before you wake up the neighbors. Juang, you are sleeping in the room. Sang and I will sleep outside.”
“S: I was kidding Juang. I already set up the net and everything for you in there while you went to shower.”
I looked in the room and he sure did set everything up for her. He even used all of our blankets for her, leaving us with none. Good thing it feels good outside today. As I am trying to sleep, I think of the events of today. It was a really good day. This is the happiest I ever felt. I felt warmth and love. I had my sister and my best friend. I had Mae Feung. Even Fang, with her razor tongue was starting to grow on me. Then, I remembered the Thap incident and my happiness starts to fade. I'm going to have to ask Feung about that. I hope it's nothing. I won't share Mae Feung's heart with any other guy. Fang and the kids are okay but no one else. I want to be the only guy in her heart.
TBC
Khap (24yo-Bangkok) – Former police officer who was kicked off the force due to repeat excessive use of force incidents. Blames himself and suffers from depression because of a shooting incident four years prior. His mother died when he was very young in a car accident. His father works hard to give Khap and his sister the finer things in life but does not provide the love and warmth of a father that they need. His dad is in the construction business and builds hotels. He is engaged to be married to the daughter of his father’s friend. He does not love her because she is very shallow and mean person. His therapist suggests that he goes and meet the orphan from the shooting incident in Khai BangRajun and that is where he meets Feung. He falls in love with her at first sight but run into misunderstandings because he thinks both Jai and Thap courting her.
-Brother of Juang
-Descendent of Puri’s character in BangRajun
-Best friend of Sang
-Has anger issues
-Intense individual
Feung (22yo-Khai BangRajun-Kamyat) – All around sweet village girl who is a teacher at the local orphanage. She is loved by everyone in the Khai BangRajun. Her goal in life is to help the orphans she works with now grow up to be upstanding citizens and be able to find a purpose in life and contribute to the betterment of their country. Her father works as a taxi driver in SingBuri but all he cares about is his alcohol. Feung’s mom left them for a rich guy from Bangkok so she has always been the mother figure for her sister, Fang. She puts her heart and soul into working with the orphans so she does not have time for falling in love. She is really good friends with Jai, a farmer’s hand, but only sees him as a brother. She meets Khap when he shows up to stay at the house near the orphanage. She senses a feeling a familiarity when she sees him but is put off when he speaks to her unkindly and aggressively.
-Sister of Fang
-Descendent of Thap/Fang
-Sweet girl and can be naive sometimes
Sang (25yo-Bangkok) – Police officer who graduated from the police academy with Khap. Did not get along with Khap at first but later became best friends. He has a playboy persona but is actually in love with Juang, Khap’s sister. He does not have the best home life situation because his parents are always fighting too much to where they don’t even know he exists. He considers Khap and Juang his family.
-Best friend of Khap
-In love with Juang
-Descendent of A Passin’s character
-Cocky and has no filter
Juang (20yo-Bangkok) – Still attending the University for a Degree in Hotel Management/Tourism. She is very popular and outgoing but secretly has a crush on Sang (bad boy/playboy). However, she thinks he sees her only as a sister since he picks and teases her a lot. She also gets mad whenever Sang brings his girlfriend of the week around. She is loves her brother very much and is very loyal to him.
-Sister of Khap
-Crushing on Sang
-Descendent of Puri' character
-Competitive when it comes to Sang
Thap (23yo-Bangkok) – Good natured, well-mannered guy who comes from a very rich family. His family owns the Pongsakorn hotel chain all over Thailand, including SingBuri. His dad contracts with Khap’s family for the construction of the hotels. Khap’s fiancé, Roong, wants to be engaged to Thap instead of Khap but her dad had already given her to Khap because of the promise between the mothers. Thap only sees Roong as a little sister because they grew up together. He falls in love with Fang when she hits his car with her motorcycle while he was donating items to the orphanages in Khai BangRajun. His parents want him to settle down with a prim and proper girl.
-Brother of Sabai
-An acquaintance of Khap
-Descendent of Por…
-Nice and easy going guy
Fang (20yo-Khai BangRajun-Kamyat) – Feung’s fierce tomboy sister. She is overprotective of Feung and is mad that Feung always sees the good in people. She registered at the University of SingBuri but dropped out to work so that she can help Feung achieve her dream of buying the orphanage from the current owners. She hates rich guys from Bangkok because her mother ran off with one. She hates her father for being a useless drunk.
-Sister of Feung
-Descendent of Thap/Fang
-Hates rich guys
-Fierce and independent
Jai (26yo-Khai BangRajun-Kamyat) – Feung’s friend from Khai BangRajun district. He owns farmland and is not rich nor poor. He helps out Feung with the orphans as much as he can but he also spends a lot of time working on other people’s farms so that he can save up and ask Feung to marry him. He is very protective of Feung and Fang, especially when their father gets into a drunken rage.
-In love with Feung
-Descendent of Por TongMin
-Loyal
Sabai (25yo-Bangkok) – Thap’s sister who is also a clothing designer. She has several boutiques in Bangkok and is very successful but she still does not feel satisfied with her life. She feels that there is something missing. She often donates seasoned out clothing from her children’s boutique to the orphanages in SingBuri province since her parents own hotels there. Her boyfriend is a jerk who only cares about reputation. He is pressuring her to get married and settle down.
-Sister of Thap
-Descendent of Por..
-Reserved/quiet
Other Characters:
Roong (21yo-Bangkok) – Spoiled daddy's girl. Her father is the Chief of Police in SingBuri Province but they own several town homes in Bangkok. Her and her mother stay in Bangkok. She is engaged to Khap but also has her eyes set on Thap. She goes to the same University as Juang and hangs around the same group of friends as her. She hates poor people and think if they do not have money or status; they are beneath her.
Jerd (27yo-Bangkok)- Sabai's boyfriend who is all about reputation. He's bossy and goes around demanding respect but does very little to earn it. He also uses Sabai's popularity in the entertainment business to hook up with celebrities.
Parob (4yo-Khai BangRajun-Kamyat) – His parents were the ones that were killed on the call that Khap took. He lived with his grandma when his parents were alive but they chose their lifestyles over Parob. When his grandmother got sick, she gave him to the orphanage. He is small for his age and doesn't talk. He likes to follow Feung around.
Pope: Juang’s friend/tutor at the University. He likes Juang.
Locations:
Bangkok
SingBuri Province\Khai BangRajun District\BangRajun Tambon
SingBuri Univeristy
Bangkok University
BangRajun Children’s Haven (Orphanage)
Pongsakorn Hotels
Bangkok Police Department
Phuket
Elite Muay Thai Fight Club
CHAPTER ONE
Bangkok
Khap -
I'm sitting here in Dr. Pedchai's office for the second time this week. I guess you can say I had a rough week. People are allowed to have emotions right? Anger is an emotion. It’s not any different from being sad or happy. Maybe I should not have told my father I was kicked off the police force. I hate it when he looks at me and wishes I was the one who died from the car accident. Was it my fault that I survived? I would have gladly given my life for my mother's. I have a love/hate relationship with my father. I love my father, I think. I mean, he was the one who gave me life. I am obligated to love him. I wish he would just look at me and Juang and see us and not my mother. I was kicked off the police force today for repeat excessive use of force infractions. Hey, last I checked the criminals that burglarize and murder people are not good people. Am I just supposed to treat them delicately? My fist may have accidentally collided with the perpetrator’s face a few times. Pimping out underage girls. I think that deserves a beat down or two. When I told my father, he didn't yell or scream, he just looked at me and said, “Is this how you honor your mother?” I was having a shitty day already so those words made me see red. In a moment of rage, I reached for my gun and that was when I knew I crossed a line. Was I really going to shoot my father? What was I thinking? I glance at the clock in the therapist’s waiting room. It's only 3:30pm. My appointment is at 4:00pm. Why did I show up early when I know that waiting pisses me off? I wonder if Sang caught wind of the news yet. His shift doesn't start until 6:00pm. I guess I could text him but the fucker is annoying. He would want every single detail and would interject with his opinions as I tell him the details. I may just wait because conversations with Sang can sometimes piss me off even more. Sang's my best friend. We didn’t start off as best friends. We started the police academy together about six years ago. I was eighteen and he was nineteen. I caught him looking at my FOURTEEN yo old sister, Juang, a little too long for my liking. So what did I do? I smashed his face in. You may get the impression that I have anger issues. Waiting at a therapist’s office may have given me away also. I don’t have anger issues, per se. I’ve been trying to explain to my therapist for the last four years that I do not have anger issues. Those that are on the receiving end of my anger/fist, deserved it. I’ll stop there. I sound like a drug addict trying to convince someone I am not addicted to drugs. Back to Sang. We were almost kicked out of the academy the day we got into it but we were given a warning instead. The academy also made it a point to partner us up for every single event throughout our training. At first, I thought I was going to kill the motherfucker but I found out he was a loyal son of a bitch. Always had my back even after we had a throw down with one another. Hell of a fighter too. My father put my sister and I in martial arts classes since we were young and I recently took up Muay Thai so needless to say, I have some decent fighting skills. With that being said, I have to give Sang some credit for being able to land some hits on me. We became the best of friends but make no mistake, we get into fights and beat the shit out of each other often. He likes to tease Juang and make her cry a lot. My baby sister is off limits. No one messes with her; not even my best friend. To be honest though, if I died in line of duty, Sang would be the only person I trust with Juang. I look at the time on my phone....goddamn it! It's 4:05pm now..where the hell is Dr. Pedchai?!
BangRajun
Feung -
Today is going to be a big day for one of these kids. There's a couple from Bangkok with fertility issues coming by the orphanage today. They decided one adoption. I'm feeling happy and sad about the news. I have always been Mae Feung to these kids. All eighteen of them. Now one of them will have a chance to have a real family. I saw the paperwork come in last week and looked them over several times. I want to make sure that whoever is leaving the orphanage today is going to a good place. These kids have been through so much, my heart aches for them. Why bring another life into the world if you are not going to love and nurture them. I would adopt them all if I could but what life can I give them? A high school dropout who is struggling to make ends meet. I want better for these kids than what I have. I have a roof over my head and clothes to wear but happiness doesn't exist for me when I go home. Father is always drunk. Mother is gone. My happiness is when I am with Fang or at Children's Haven. It's only 3:30pm. The couple said they will be here at 4:00pm at the latest. There is still thirty minutes left before they show up. I see a small head peek out from around the corner. I already know who it is. Parob. My sweet, sweet Parob. His parents died in an accident in Bangkok when he was only six months old. His grandmother took care of him the best she could but alas she fell sick and brought him to the orphanage when he was 2 years old. He doesn't talk yet and rarely likes to interact with the other kids. He follows me around like a shadow. It doesn't bother me at all because I get a sense of comfort when he is around.
“Fe: Parob? Come let Mae Feung hug you a little bit.”
He saunters over and sits on my lap. I hug him tight.
“Fe: Parob, I am going to find you a good home with good people who will love you with all their heart. The way you deserve to be loved. You are going to grow up and change the world. I promise.”
I tear up a little. It kills a piece of me every time we get a new kid in the orphanage. When I started here four years ago, we only had six kids. We now have a staggering eighteen. Funding has been hard but I will never turn a kid away. I will sell everything I own before I do that. I shake away my thoughts and glanced at the clock. It's 5:00pm. My heart drops. No one is going to show up. It happens all the time. Promises for donations/adoptions. All empty promises. I think to myself, “Don't worry children, we will make it through another day. We’ve survived this far.”
“J: Feung?”
I turn to find P'Jai at the doorway.
“J
id they not show up again?” “Fe:They never do, Pee.”
“J: Let's wrap up so I can take you home.”
“Fe: You can go on ahead P'Jai. I am waiting on Fang. She had an after school project and won't be here till 6:00pm. I will go home with her then.”
“J: Well, I'll do some work around here so that we can go together. I don't want you two going home late with it being just the two of you.”
“Fe: Thank you P'Jai.”
“J: Let me sit and rest with you a little bit.”
At that, Parob got up from my lap and sat between me and P'Jai to create some distance between me and P’Jai. My little Parob. He doesn't like P'Jai being close to me. P'Jai is from the same village as me and I see him as a big brother. I think he sees me as more. The villagers have whispered about such things. My heart is with the kids at Children's Haven. I don't think I have room for much else. P'Jai is a good guy. He brings food to the orphanage and that helps keep the kids fed. We also have the Pongsakorn family who donates quite a bit to the orphanage. The daughter of the family, Khun Sabai, donates clothes every year. The son, Khun Thap donates money almost every month. Without their help, I don't know what we would do. We have four volunteers who work at the orphanage for little to no pay. The owner of the orphanage only pays me enough to put food on the table. The assistance he gets from the government to run the orphanage, he pockets. I can only work so many hours in the day to make sure the kids are looked after. We also started developing a curriculum so that the kids will be able to somewhat keep up with the other children that attend regular school. My dream is to buy this place from the owner and make it better. Make it a true haven for the children that have been left without parents. A place where they are happy and just feel alive.
“J:Feung, Feung.”
I get lost in my thoughts often.
“Fe: Yes, P'Jai?”
“J: I am going to look at the plumbing system. The volunteers said it’s not working well. Hopefully, I can get it fixed before Fang gets here.”
Once P'Jai leaves, Parob is back on my lap. I smile. My sweet Parob with the crooked smile.
“Fa: P'Feung! You're favorite sister is here!”
My smile gets wider. My sweet Fang with her sharp tongue and big heart.
“Fe: You're my only sister Fang.”
“Fa: How do you know P'Feung? Father is always drunk. Who knows what he does or who he does.”
“Fe:Fang!”
I stare at her in shock. What exactly are they teaching in school these days? She just shrugs it off.
“Fa: P'Feung, I forgot to ask. Who did the couple adopt? Were they as nice in person as they were on the paperwork?”
I look at Parob.
“Fe: No one showed up Fang.”
“Fa: What?! Who does that?! I should go and find them and give them a good punch in the face. Do you still have the paperwork? Their address should be in there right?”
”Fe: Fang. It's their right if they want to adopt and it's their right if they want to change their mind. We can't do anything about that. What we can do is make sure we do the best we can to feed, clothe, and care for the kids. Provide them with as much warmth and love as we can.”
“Fa: P'Feung, at the very least, we can send them a nasty letter.”
“Fe: Fang, what am I going to do with you? Oh Fang, do you have class tomorrow? If you do, can you stop by the Pongsakorn Hotel on Main to pick up the shipment of clothing that Khun Sabai sent from Bangkok?”
“Fa: If you really need me to, I can. I really don't like looking at that Khun Thap guy. He is always smiling. Who smiles that much? He only has one facial expression. Is he trying to show off his white teeth? His teeth is crooked by the way. Maybe I should tell him to see if his expression will change to shock.”
“Fe: Fang! They've done a lot for this place. Please don't cause any trouble. I'm already embarrassed to look at him from your incident with him before.”
I can remember that day clearly. Khun Thap came by to drop off a load of clothes and supplies to the orphanage and brought his car. Fang got out of school early that day and saw Khun Thap talking to me through the window. She somehow got it in her mind that Khun Thap was here to take me away with promises of money and a good life. She was afraid there was going to be a repeat of what happened to our mother. She ran her motorcycle into Khun Thap's car and left a big dent in the driver's side of the car. I was beyond mortified. I apologized profusely and did not know how to pay him for the damage. Khun Thap said it was ok and drove off, even smiling at Fang as he was leaving. Fang on the other hand called him all sorts of names and told him never to come near me again. We had to eventually sell her motorcycle since we couldn’t afford to fix it. Whatever little money we got from the sale, we gave to Khun Thap for the damage. He came back a few times after but our conversations were brief. Parob also took a disliking to him. I was glad he didn't stay for long. Khun Thap was nice enough but I had no desire to be around him more than necessary. I get the feeling he likes my little sister. I see the way he looks at her sometimes. If Khun Thap is truly a nice man, I would not mind seeing Fang with him. I just want my sister to live a good and happy life.
“J: Fang, you're back. I am done with the plumbing here. We can head home now.”
“Fa: P'Jai, there is no we with the three of us. Me and P'Feung are a we. You are just a P'Jai. Understand?”
“F:Fang, stop it. Let's get ready to go.”
CHAPTER TWO
Bangkok
Khap-
I have no idea why we are paying Dr. Pedchai for his services. I leave his session more screwed up in the head then when I initially went in. It's close to 6:00pm now so the quack went on and on for about two hours. He said I have some deep rooted anger issues. No shit, Doc. Tell me what I don't know. The progress we made today was we identified the two incidents in my life that shaped me to be the way I am today (I already knew this too):
Event #1 – Eighteen Years Ago
We were in SingBuri capital looking at some potential new business ventures for my father. It was late and we were headed back to Bangkok. We decided to head back that night because I wanted my toys back home and did not want to sleep in a hotel. As we were driving home, our car was hit by a drunk taxi driver. The impact was directly on the passenger’s side, right where my mother was. She was able to say mines and Juang's name before she fell into her final slumber. My father, sister, and I got away with minor cuts and bruises. My father lost the love of his life that day and forgot that he still had two kids alive that need his attention. He threw himself into work and gave us everything we ever wanted but never the one thing we needed; his love. Least to say, my self-hate probably started there. Were my toys really that important to me that I had to be such a brat? It also doesn’t help when my father looks at I see the blame in his eyes.
Event #2 – Four Years Ago
I was working graveyard shift and making my rounds in my patrol area when I heard a man and a woman arguing. I rounded the corner and found a man in a physical altercation with a woman dressed provocatively. It didn't take much guessing to figure out what she was. The man appeared to be high as a kite.
“M: This is your fault bitch!”
“W: If you were man enough to take care of your family, I wouldn't have to resort to this. I am doing what I do so that I can send money to support my mom and son back home!”
“M: For our son?! Is that who you were thinking of when you were taking off your clothes for the old fuckers? Is that what you tell yourself before you sleep with all those guys? I told you already! The money I make from selling drugs will be enough to send home. You are greedy! You don't deserve to be a mother! You don't even deserve to live!”
At that point, the man pulled a knife and pressed it against the woman's neck. I pulled my pistol.
“K: Khun, please drop the weapon. Let's talk this out.”
“M: There is nothing to talk about! She cheated on me! She was dishonest! She promised she would love only me!”
“W: Please help me! I have a six month old baby back home!”
“M: Shut up! You should of thought about that before you whored yourself around!”
“K: Khun, think about your son. He needs a mother and a father. You both are alive right now. We can fix our problems if we have the will to do so. Some people don't get a second chance in life. I'm offering you a second chance, so please take it. I'll find a good drug recovery program for you. I will help get you both clean so you can start over. This is just a roadblock. You can persevere and make it through this. Just let her go and let me help you. For your son. Please. Think about him.”
“M: It's too late to cleanse her. It's too late for me to cleanse myself. I've sinned too much already. I can't go near my son. He will get tainted. He deserves better parents. In our next life, I hope we will be better parents.”
His hand moved and I hesitated for five seconds before I pulled the trigger. All I saw was blood. So much of it. My hesitation gave him enough time to slit her throat. I wanted to save both but I saved neither. I just made a little boy an orphan. All the training I went through meant nothing. I was supposed to save lives not take them. Why Khap...Why couldn't you be better? Already screwed up on the second year of the job.
Dr. Pedchai said I needed closure. His suggestion? Go and meet the kid whose parents’ deaths I felt I was responsible for. I think my father is paying Dr. Pedchai to torture me not help me. How does meeting the kid resolve anything? Dr. Pedchai said his sister works at the orphanage that the kid is at. His sister, Sinjai, has a house in Kamyat village but doesn't use it since she has a room at the orphanage so that she can oversee the kids during the night. He said it's nothing fancy but it is peaceful and quiet. I would be able to clear my head some. Khai BangRajun. Has a nice ring to it. I don't know why, but every time I say it, a smile falls on my lips. I do need to get away from Bangkok. More specifically, Roong, my fiance. I actually said it without cringing this time. Nope, I take that back, I just cringed. Our fathers are best friends and our mothers were best friends also when my mother was still alive. My father said it was my mother's wish to see me and Roong get married when we were older. I was six at the time and Roong was three so I'm not sure what screamed perfect match. I can't ask my mother obviously and my father barely talks to me. Roong is a very materialistic woman. She wants the best of the best and I give her what she asks for. In part, it gets her away from me. Sometimes I think I see dollar signs when I look into her eyes. Our relationship is a joke. The most intimate we've ever been is sitting in a car next to each other. Not that I am complaining. I have no desire to be with this woman. I would sign over my fortune to her if she would just break off our engagement. I would do it but then my father would probably stroke out and die or he would just tell me my mother would be disappointed. I don’t want to hear the latter so I just suck it up. So you see, I am in between a rock and a hard place. Hopefully, Roong will find someone to fall in love with and then break up with me. My phone rings, it's Sang.
“K: Ai Sang.”
“S: Ai Khap, I heard what happened. Now, I want you to tell me what happened. You can tell me when you buy me dinner.”
“K: Ai Sang, you have money. Quit trying to make me buy your food.”
“S: I'm saving up to buy a special ring for a special girl.”
“K: Really? Is it Susie, Nita, Namfon, or Janie..who else is there? I can't remember.”
“S: None of those girls. Those girls are just temporary until the one I hold in my heart is ready. You may have met her a few times.”
“K: Ok, ok, there are too many. My head hurts thinking about it. Why aren't you at work?”
“S: I called in and said it was a family emergency. I wanted to make sure you are ok.”
“K: I'm fine. Juang has been messaging me. She should be off from school here in a little bit. We can pick her up and then go eat.”
“S: Does she have to go? She talks a lot and it makes me talk faster so I can get more words in then she does. It's tiring. Plus, she's a flirt and guys always flock to her and we always get into fights because of that. My lips don't need to get any bigger than they naturally are so I don't want anyone busting my lips.”
“K: How many times do I have to tell you not to call my sister a flirt? Do you want a busted lip?”
“S: Ok, ok..Juang is naturally charismatic so people tend to gravitate to her lovely charms? Does that sound better than flirt?”
“K: Whatever man. I just got home, so pick me up and then we'll go pick up Juang.
BangRajun
Feung -
We got home and father is not home yet. He usually gets off work at 5:00pm. More than likely, he is passed out at one of the neighbor’s house.
“Fe: Fang, I am going to go look for father. He may be at Lung Samood's house.”
“Fa: P'Feung, he's a grown man. He can find his way home when he sobers up. Care about your favorite sister who is about to starve to death. I had to work at so many different places today.”
“Fe: Work? You didn't go to school?”
“Fa: P'Feung, you know what I mean..when I say work I mean study. We had to go to different places for our research. Enough about school, it makes my head hurt. What should we cook today?”
“Fe: How about some grilled fish and fish soup? I'll see if P'Jai wants to eat with us today.”
“Fa: P'Feung, P'Jai can cook his own food. He isn't related to us so we aren't obligated to feed him.”
“Fe: Fang, he helps us a lot. The least I can do is cook for him.”
“Fa: P'Feung, I'm afraid he might misunderstand your kindness. You are too kind P'Feung and sometimes people might get the wrong impression and think it means more than it does.”
“Fe: I see P'Jai as a brother and nothing more.”
”Fa: But he isn’t our brother and I don’t want to share you with him. Don't invite him or I'll throw something at him.”
“Fe: Fang!”
At this moment, our father walks in the house.
“P: Why isn't there any food ready? The house looks like a mess! What's the point of having daughters when they don't cook and clean! You girls are good for nothing except for the dowries you bring when I marry you off! You, Nang Feung, as beautiful as you are, you could be bringing in some money to this house. Instead, you waste your time on those useless kids that will never amount to anything in their life. Remember! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!”
I feel the tears trickle down my face. I hate when he gets like this. I can take him insulting me but why does he have to insult those innocent kids?
“Fa: Por, you have hands and legs, you can cook and clean yourself. P'Feung works from sun up to sun down so that we have food to eat and clothes to wear! What do you do? You never bring anything home! You spend it on your precious alcohol. No wonder Mae left you!”
“P: Nang Fang!”
I moved Fang out the way so that I can protect her from fathers's wrath. I felt the weight of his hand on my face. Once, twice. Three times before Fang pushed him and he fell back. My face throbbed.
“Fa: P'Feung. Let’s go stay at the orphanage tonight until father sobers up. I'm sorry for causing trouble.”
Seeing my sister cry breaks my heart. I know if we stay here tonight things will escalate. About an hour later, we were back at the orphanage. P'Sinjai said we were welcome to use her house nearby since she was staying in the extra room at the orphanage. We were welcome to stay as long as we need to but she would be having a guest stay there in two weeks. It was her brother's friend from Bangkok who needed a change of scenery. I think two days would be all we need for father to cool down. By the time we got settled in the house, eat, and showered, I am dead tired. Sleep comes fast. I dream of the faces of eighteen angels waiting for me tomorrow. I smile.
CHAPTER THREE
Bangkok
Khap -
We end up at a little Italian restaurant close to the house. Juang wanted Italian and I have never told my little sister no. Like usual, Juang and Sang bickered from the moment we picked her up to the moment we arrived at the restaurant.
“Ju: P'Sang, I think you should pay for this round of dinner. In the years I've known you, I don't think I've ever seen your wallet.”
“S: You've seen my wallet before...When I put the money I win from your brother in my wallet.”
He laughs. Cheeky bastard.
“Ju: P'Sang, P'Khap has had a rough day. The least you can do as his best friend is buy him dinner. Is that too much to ask for?”
”S: Nongsao, don't pretend like you know what Khap is feeling right now. I'm helping Khap by allowing him pay for my dinner. Men like Khap gets satisfaction from being needed. Me needing him to pay for my dinner makes him feel good, superior even. Right Ah Khap?”
I roll my eyes. The shit that comes out of his mouth.
“Ju: P'Sang, you're a man too, why don't you pay for dinner so that you can get that sense of so called satisfaction?”
“S: Juang, I am a different species of man than your brother . Our kind gets satisfaction when our stomachs and wallets are full.”
“Ju: So, like a bottom feeder?”
”S:Jua.....”
“K:Ok, I am ready to order. I'm hungry.”
We all placed our orders with the waitress. As we wait for our food, I catch some guys from the nearby table staring at Juang. They are not even trying to be discreet about it. Sang catches on too and looks at Juang.
“S: I am trying to see what they see. I don't see anything worth looking at.”
Sang studies Juang and his eyes drop lower.
“S: You don't have much in the chest area so I'm not sure what they are staring at.”
“Ju
'Sang!” I jump out of my seat and get Sang in a choke hold.
“K: How many times do I have to tell you not to talk about Juang like that? She is my baby sister. You treat her like a little sister too. You protect her when I'm not around. That is your job. You never talk about her...um.. you know what I'm talking about! From here on out, when you talk to Juang, look only at her face! If I see you looking anywhere else, I will poke your eyes out!”
Everyone at the restaurant is watching us now. Juang is red from embarrassment. Sang is red from possible asphyxiation. I walk over to the table with the group of guys that started all this.
“K: Do we have a problem?”
They all shake their head. I turn to address our audience
“K: OK, the show is over now. Let's eat.”
I bring up Khai BangRajun as we eat.
“Ju: I think it would be good for you P'Khap. Being away from home. I can go too when school is done. I only have a few months left. Songkran is coming up so we will have a break. I should be able to join you shortly after you get there. You want to leave in two weeks right?”
“K: I plan to. I want to wrap some things up in Bangkok before I leave. I don't know how long I will be staying there though.”
“S: I'll go with you too Ai Khap. No one will miss me here.”
“K: Ai Sang, you still have your job here. Plus, I need you to look after Juang when I'm not here.”
“S: My job I can quit anytime. I’ve been thinking about quitting anyways since they partnered us up with different people. I don’t trust my current partner as far as I can throw him. It won't be the same at the station anyways without you there. I'll hang around to watch over Juang though...from the neck up only right? Too early to joke?”
Juang and I both roll our eyes.
“Ju: P'Khap, who is going to cook for you over there? Who is going to help with your laundry?”
“K: Juang, I know how to cook and clean after myself.”
“Ju: No, you don't. When was the last time you cooked a meal, without my help?”
I think about this. My sister is right. I either go out or eat or I wait until she cooks something for me. Fried eggs should be easy to do. Fried eggs every day doesn’t sound too bad.
“Ju: P'Khap, I'm worried about you. Maybe you should wait until I finish school and then go?”
“K: Juang, between dealing with Roong and father..if I delay this any longer, I may as well put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger.”
No one says anything.
“K: That was a joke. I'm not suicidal.”
“Ju: P'Khap, I love you more than anything in this world. You are not only my brother, but you are also my father.”
My sister starts tearing up and Sang is shooting me daggers. Goddamnit, it was a joke. I pull Juang into a hug.
“K: I was kidding Juang. You are not going to get rid of me that easily. I still need to beat up the line of guys that are trying to woo you. No one in this world is good enough for you nongsao.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Two Weeks Later
BangRajun
Feung -
We only stayed at P'Sinjai's place for two days. By that time, father had already forgotten what happened. We still went through the same cycle of him coming home drunk all the time. Fang felt badly about what happened so has made an effort not to aggravate our father. P'Sinjai had asked us to clean up the house and would compensate us for the work. She was expecting a very important guest that her brother is sending from Bangkok. He should be here any day now. After P'Sinjai paid us, I went to the market to buy some items to cook for the kids. It's been a while since they had something tasty to eat. It would be my treat for them today. Fang is at school today but she should be breaking for lunch sometime soon. I hope she took the food I left aside for her today. As I neared the orphanage, I saw a car that I've seen before and I motorcycle that I don't recognize. When I walked inside, I saw Khun Thap talking to P'Sinjai and her husband.
“Fe: Khun Thap, what brings you here?”
“T: I came by to drop off some school supplies for the kids and some donation boxes that I set up around our hotels. It should help you guys for a while.”
“Fe: Khun Thap, I don't know what to say or how to thank you. Without your help, this place would be in rough shape.”
At that point, P’Sinjai and her husband got up from where they were sitting.
“Si: Feung, our guest is here so we are going to go to the house and make sure he is settled in, ok?”
“Fe: Take your time, P'Sinjai, I can handle things here. “
“T: Actually Feung, if you have a minute, there is something that I would like to ask for your help on.”
Khun Thap took a few steps closer to me and at that time Parob came out of nowhere to pull me away.
“Fe: Is something wrong Parob? Do you need something?” He made a motion for me to pick him up so I did and set him on my lap. He turned to face Khun Thap and pointed at him to stay where he was at.
“T: Ok, Parob, I will talk to your Mae Feung from over here. Feung, what I want to ask you is your permission to court Fang. I think I'm in love with her. I think about her all the time since the first time I saw her. I know she loves you and think of you as not only her sister but also her mother. So, I am asking your permission to pursue her.”
“Fe: Khun Thap. If it is just a feeling that you think you have, I am afraid I can't give you permission to pursue my sister. Other than this orphanage, my sister is my life. I need you to be sure of your feelings before I can give you my blessing. My sister and I have had more downs than ups. I don't want to introduce anything into her life that will bring her pain. I need my sister to be happy and live a comfortable life. If you helping us at this orphanage is a way to buy my sister’s love, then I am afraid we cannot accept your help anymore. It will be hard on us but we will survive. The people of Khai BangRajun have their pride too.”
“T: Feung, I help out because I have everything in excess and I genuinely want to help. There are no strings attached. I will go back and reevaluate my feelings and come back here to inform you of my intentions again. I know that my response will be the same; I am in love with Fang.” “
“Fe: If that is the case, nothing will make me happier. To know that my sister will have someone to love her and take care of her. She is the apple of my eye and I expect you to love her just as much as I do. Even with my blessing, it will be entirely up to you whether or not, my sister accepts you. Based on your previous interactions with her, you should know she is not a fan of yours. Fang has internal scars that you can't see. It will take time for her to accept you. If you are patient and sincere, your goodness will win her heart.”
“T: Thank you Feung. I will leave you be now. I should be by in a couple of weeks. P' Sabai made some special outfits for the kids for Songkran.”
“Fe: Please tell Khun Sabai we are forever grateful for her kindness.”
As Khun Thap walks out, P'Jai walks in.
“J: What is he doing here again? He is here quite a bit now.”
“Fe: He came to drop off donations and school supplies for the kids. Did you eat already P'Jai?”
“J: I did. I am dropping off some bags of rice here and P'Sinjai asked that I drop off a bag at her house for her guest. Do you know who is staying there?”
“Fe: It's a friend of P'Sinjai's brother. I don't think he came with much since he probably came in on that motorcycle.”
“J: Ok, well, some of the neighbors need help with their farmland so I don't think I will be able to walk you and Fang home today.”
“Fe: P'Jai, I don't think anyone is brave enough to go against Fang.”
“J: You have a point there. I will see you later.”
As I was cooking dinner for the kids, one of the older girls, Natra, approaches me.
“N: Mae Feung, can you teach me how to cook? I want to learn how to cook.”
“Fe: Sure, does cooking interest you?”
“N: Not really, but I thought maybe if I learned to cook well, someone would want me.”
I pull Natra into a hug.
“Fe: Natra, listen to be real good, it's not that no one wants you. The people that need you just don't know it yet. You are so very special..everyone here is so special that only people with enough merits would be able to get to know you, love you, and have you in their lives. I must have performed a lot of merits in my previous life, because in this lifetime I got to meet all of you and love all of you. To me that is an honor. Do you understand what I am saying Natra?”
“N: Yes, Mae Feung.”
“Fe: I also want you to think about why you want to cook again. Don't do something so that someone will validate who you are. Do it for yourself. If you want to cook, do it because your dream is to be a famous Chef one day and cooking is what makes you happiest. Go ahead and stir the food like this. You got this. You can go brag to the others that you cooked today's delicious food, ok.”
“N: Yes Mae Feung!”
I feel the tears pooling in my eyes. The kids here think they are not good enough to be wanted. It breaks my heart when I hear them say that. I make sure I tell them I love them every day. A little while later, Fang arrives just in time for dinner. After we finished eating, Fang was in charge of doing the dish duty with some of the kids helping her. The younger kids started showering. P'Sinjai should be back in time to put them to bed. As I continued to put stuff away, I noticed Parob staring out the door.
“Fe: Parob, why aren't you getting ready for your shower. If you are last, all the hot...”
And that is when I saw him. I’ve seen those eyes before. Saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. I've seen him before. I just don't know where I saw him. He feels familiar but how so? I've never set foot outside of Khai BangRajun other than the few times I went to SingBuri. I can't know him, can I? Like a moth to a flame, I walk towards him. I have no control over my body now. It’s like I am in a trance. He is walking towards me also. We only stop when we are inches away.
“Fe: Can I help you Khun...”
“K: Khap. My name is Khap, ja. Mae Feung.”
Khap –
The trip to SingBuri was tiring. I took my motorcycle and only packed the essentials. Dr. Pedchai said it was going to be similar to camping. I just hope they have electricity to charge my phone. It’s my lifeline to Juang. I can be overbearing at times but she is my only baby sister. It was rough driving through SingBuri. Memories of my mother’s accident came crashing back. I try to push them away but I can’t. I still remember that day vividly. They never caught the driver. It was a hit and run. They did find alcohol in the car so he had to have been drinking. We checked with the owner of the taxi company but they had no paperwork on file for the guy. He was just a small village guy coming into SingBuri for work. My dad spent three years after my mother’s death trying to find the guy to make him pay for what he did. The guy was like a ghost. He just disappeared. My father swore if he ever found the man responsible he would make him pay. An eye for an eye he said. I looked into it when I was older but found nothing. I dropped it. Nothing I do to the man would bring my mother back nor give me and Juang the childhood we lost. I finally arrive at the address Dr. Pedchai wrote down for me. I park my bike at what looks like the local orphanage that Dr. Pedchai told me about. I grab my backpack and walk towards the house that is not too far away from it. I look at the house. At least it has walls. It may take me a while to get accustomed to this but it’s worth not having to deal with Roong and my father. As I walk up the stairs, I see a man and a woman walk up to the house. She must be Dr. Pedchai’s sister.
“Si: Sawadee Khun Khap. Did you find everything ok?”
“K: You must be Khun Sinjai. I actually just got here. Is it ok to park my motorcycle over there?”
“Si: That’s fine. That is where my husband and I stay. There is an extra room at the orphanage and it is in better shape than what we have here. Please make yourself at home and let us know if you need anything. You can come get us any time.”
“K: Thank you for your kindness. Um, is the kid..you know the little boy..”
“Si: Parob? Yes, he is over there. He should have just finished eating now and is probably getting ready for his shower. Would you like to go see him now?”
“K: That’s ok. Maybe another time.”
“Si: Ok, tell us if you need anything. “
After unpacking the little that I have, my curiosity got the best of me and I started walking around the compound. The area was nice. There was a little area that I could play some soccer. Maybe I could break the ice with Parob by playing some soccer. Unless he just hates me on sight. There’s a strong possibility that he may take one look at me and know what I did. Maybe my sins are branded on me. As I round the orphanage, I see a little boy standing in the doorway. I already know that’s him. He has his mother’s eyes. I’ll never forget the fear in her eyes when her husband killed her. The sadness. The regret. Sometimes I see her eyes when I shut my eyes to go to sleep. Either her eyes or my mother’s eyes are what haunts me at night. On good nights, I tsee the shape of a woman’s face in my dreams. Someone I have never met but I feel connected to. I can’t make the details of her face but she calms me down. She makes me feel this burning sensation deep in my chest. It’s crazy and I can’t explain it. But, I am happiest when she comes in my dreams. It may be the side effects of the anti-depression medicine I am taking though. Who knows? The kid and I have a staring contest that seems to last forever. I then hear a voice that shakes me to my core.
“Fe: Parob, why aren't you getting ready for your shower. If you are last, all the hot...”
Her voice ignites this burning sensation in my chest. She comes into full view and I can’t stop staring at her. She’s beautiful. Not the kind of beauty that just catches you off guard at first glance, but the kind that leaves a long lasting impression. The kind of beauty that penetrates every fiber of your being. Everything about her draws me in. I have to stop myself from reaching out to touch her to make sure she is real. I’ve seen her before. I am sure of it. Before I am able to stop myself, I bring her into my arms and hold her. I never want to let go. She doesn’t resist. Next thing I know, I am falling. Falling into this sea of darkness.
“Si: Khap.. are you ok? I think he’s coming to.”
“K: What happened? I feel like someone took a sledgehammer and went to town on my head.”
“Fa: Ai baa, next time you come close to my sister again, it will be a sledgehammer. Be lucky it was only a pestle!”
“Fe: Fang!”
“K: You hit me with a pestle?! Are you crazy? You don’t know me and I don’t know you.”
I reach out to feel the back of my head. Yea, it’s going to be the size of a baseball by tomorrow morning. I look at the girl who hit me and then back at the angel next to her. That’s her sister? They couldn’t be any more different. Where my lady was prim and proper, this girl was just messy and wild. Did I say just say my lady? Damn, I must have been hit hard.
“Fe: Khun, I apologize for my sister. She is still young and doesn’t know right and wrong yet. Please don’t press any charges.”
I caught in the trance again. I can’t stop staring at her. That is until I feel a little hand slap my face. What the hell is up with these people?
“Fe: Parob! What are you doing?! Don’t hit him. Khun, I am so very sorry.”
I look at the little perpetrator. This may be harder than I thought. I glance at the angel’s sister and see her smirk. Yea, this is going to be a long and difficult road for me.
“K: It’s fine. Just let me sit up and reorient myself. I am sorry what happened back there. I thought you were someone else.”
Lies. I wanted to hug her. I want to hug her again actually but I may not make it two steps forward with tweedledee and tweedledum in the way. I get up slowly, hoping the room would stop spinning. Dr. Pedchai’s sister brings me a glass of water. I drink it up and hold my head in my hands. Waiting for everything to settle down.
“Si: Feung, Fang, this is my brother’s friend, Khap, from Bangkok. He will be staying here for a while. I’m sorry if there was any type of misunderstanding.”
I hear the wild sister, Fang, scoff.
“Fa: Bangkok men. Think they can come into town with their fancy clothes and cars and have all the women of Khai BangRajun fall at their feet.”
“K: I actually rode a motorcycle here.”
“Fa: Same difference. Bangkok men are all the same. Leave my sister alone or else you will be in worst shape than you are now.”
I’ve never hit a girl before and I am not going to start now. I stand up.
“K: Look, I am sorry for the misunderstanding. Can we start over?”
I look at Fang. I avoid eye contact with her sister because I may just hug her again and her crazy sister and little man may just kill me. I make eye contact with the kid, Parob. He kicks me in the shin. What the fuck?! I bite my tongue. Maybe he knows what I did. Maybe this is my atonement. I catch Fang smirking out of the corner of my eye. The angel, Feung, picks up Parob and whispers something to him. She lets him down and he runs off.
“Fe: Khun Khap. I’m sorry for how Fang and Parob is acting. They usually do not act like this.”
“K: Just call me Khap. No need to be formal. I’m just a normal guy trying to seek refuge here in Khai BangRajun.”
“Fa: How about we just call you “Ngoo”?”
“K: Why would you call me a snake?”
“Fa: Because all men from Bangkok are snakes.”
“Fe: Fang, can you go help P’Sinjai with the kids please.”
“Fa: But P’Feung.”
“Fe: Fang, please.”
The fireball walks out of the room huffing and puffing. Now, it’s just me and Feung.
“Fe: I’m sorry again Khun..”
“K: Just Khap please.”
“Fe: I don’t feel comfortable calling you that.”
“K: How about P’Khap then. I’m probably older than you.”
“Fe: I rather call you Khun Khap.”
“K: That’s fine. Whatever you want to call me.”
“Fe: How did you know who I was earlier?”
“K: What do you mean?”
“Fe: When you called me Mae Feung.”
“K: You must have misheard me. I didn’t say that.”
Lies again. I know I said Mae Feung. I just don’t know why. Dr. Pedchai must have mentioned it in one of our conversations. How else would I know to have called her Mae Feung? She doesn’t look like she believes me.
“K: Have we met before?”
“Fe: It wouldn’t have been possible. I’ve never been to Bangkok or stepped foot outside of SingBuri Province.”
I study her. I want to ingrain her face in my memory forever. I want to hold her again. I take a step closer but then got shoved ten steps back. Fang, of course.
“Fa: Ngoo, what did I tell you about staying away from my sister? P’Feung, I’m done. Let’s go home.”
“Fe: Goodbye Khun Khap.”
I nod my head and whispered, “Goodbye Mae Feung.”
“Fa: I hope we don’t see you again Ngoo.”
“Fe: Fang!”
I am glad Juang is not like that. Speaking of Juang, I need to call her and make sure she and Sang haven’t killed each other yet.
Feung-
I feel like I am still in a daze as I walk home with Fang. I hear Fang complaining about Khun Khap but I can’t exactly make out what she is saying. I am lost in my own head. His eyes are so familiar. Where have I seen him before? Like I told him, it was impossible that we have met before being I never leave SingBuri. I was shocked when he hugged me. The shock was then replaced by comfort. I felt safe in his arms. He felt familiar. I should have pushed him away but it felt like time had stopped and it was only me and him. I shake my head. What is wrong with you Feung? You are a Thai woman! Have some shame and decency. My first hug from a man was from a man I don’t think I’ve ever met before. I need to stay away from him. He makes me feel things that I’ve never felt before. He makes me feel like I am no longer in control of my body. Fang’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Fa: P’Feung, P’Feung, what are you thinking about that you aren’t even paying attention to me?”
“Fe: Nothing.”
“Fa: P’Feung, are you thinking about that con baa? Do you know him? Why did you let him hug you? You didn’t even push him away.”
“Fe: What was I supposed to do Fang? I was in shock.”
“Fa: You push him away. Hit him. Kick him. Something! What would have happened if I didn’t go in the room at that time?”
“Fe: Nothing would have happened, Fang. He wouldn’t have done anything crazy.”
“Fa: How do you know P’Feung? Have you met him before this? You’re acting strange.”
“Fe: I feel like I can trust him Fang. That is why. I don’t know why he hugged me and I didn’t have time to react. Don’t worry about it anymore. We probably won’t see much of him anyways.”
When we got home, the house was a mess again. Father was probably looking to see if we had any money hidden. If he is not spending money on alcohol, he spends it on gambling. When he runs out of the money he makes, he takes whatever little that we have saved up. I don’t keep money at the house. I asked P’Sinjai to keep the money I have been saving to buy the orphanage so that it will stay safe. Father hasn’t come home yet since the food I left earlier is still uneaten. Fang and I cleaned the house and went to the lake to shower. I was sitting on the steps drying my hair when a voice startled me.
“J: Feung, I wanted to make sure you two made it home okay.”
I nodded.
“Fa: P’Jai, please find someone else to worry about. P’Feung is my sister. I can take care of her.”
“J: Fang, I just worry about you two. Regardless of how strong and fierce you are, you are still women. You won’t always win. I care for you two like I would my sisters.”
“Fa: As long as you see you see P’Feung as your sister and nothing more. You’re not good enough for her P’Jai.
I see P’Jai looking down at his feet. I don’t have any other feelings for P’Jai other than him being a big brother. I also don’t want to hurt his feelings. Sometimes Fang is too blunt. She is brave to say things that I think but am too afraid to say.
“Fe: Fang, please don’t talk to P’Jai like that. He is like our older brother. You need to show him some respect.”
“Fa: I’m sorry, P’Jai. I would just rather you hurt now than later when you’re in too deep. I welcome you as our brother. Nothing else.”
With that, Fang walks back inside the room.
“Fe: P’Jai. I’m sorry for what Fang said but I do see you only as a big brother. I think in this life, I want to spend all my love on those kids at the orphanage.
“J: I understand Feung. If you only accept me in the capacity of a big brother, I will take it. I can’t just turn off my feelings for you though. Please let me protect you until you find someone who is good enough to take care of you and give you a comfortable life.”
“Fe: P’Jai, you should find a good girl to take care of you. My life is that orphanage and Fang. I don’t have room in my heart for anything else.
I get up to join Fang in the room. As I lay awake, my thoughts drift to Khun Khap and the events earlier today. I don’t think I can ever forget his eyes. All I see is sadness. I see the same thing when I look into Parob’s eyes. Sadness and emptiness. Fighting to make it through another day. I wonder what people see when they look into my eyes.
Khap-
Khai BangRajun is not all that big. There are several small villages that make up Khai BangRajun. The village where I am staying at, Kamyat village, was mainly farmland. I woke up and did my run routine this morning and did make it a point to try and find out what where Mae Feung’s house was. P’Sinjai pointed in the general direction to show me but I still haven’t figured out which house was hers. Mae Feung. Every time I say her name I want to smile. Is this what love is? I love Juang and Sang but this is a different feeling. I know what I have with Roong is not love. I never want to be near her or touch her. With Mae Feung, just being next to her soothes me. She has this calming effect on me that I can’t quite explain. I give up on finding her house after a while and jog back to the orphanage. I end up in a field that could easily be set up as a soccer field. I will have to check with P”Sinjai to see if she can find out who the owner is. If the price is right, I could purchase the land and make it into a soccer field for the kids at the orphanage to play in. Soccer is another great love in my life. I used to go out to the soccer field to kick out for some of the frustration when I would get into it with my father or Roong was just getting on my nerves. I see P’Sinjai walking out the orphanage. I run over to chat with her about the property.
“Si: Good morning Khap. Did you sleep okay?”
“K: I haven’t slept that well in a while to be honest. P’Sinjai, can you tell me who owns the property over there? It doesn’t look like it’s being used and I think it would be a good place to build a soccer field so that the kids can play.”
“Si: My husband’s sister owns the property. She’s moved out to Bangkok for a while now. I can ask if we can use the land. I am pretty sure she won’t mind. It’s not being used for anything right now.”
“K: I want to buy it.”
“Si: Don’t you think that is too soon? You’ve only been here a couple of days. Are you sure you want to make that type of investment?”
“K: P’Sinjai, I’m not buying to make a profit off of it. I want to build something to give to these kids. Growing up, soccer probably saved my life. It was either taking my frustration out on the field or getting into fights. I mean, I still got into fights, but soccer has helped me out a lot and I hope it helps these kids.”
“Si: That’s very kind of you Khap. I am pretty sure Feung will be very happy when she hears about this. I will call my sister in law right away.”
“K: Uh, I am not doing it for her. I am doing it for the kids.”
P’Sinjai just laughs at me. Did I say something funny? It wasn’t my intention to impress Mae Feung by doing this. However, I wouldn’t mind if she was impressed.
“Si: Khap, I see things that most people don’t see.”
“K: Well, what do you see?”
“Si: I’ll tell you one day but today is not today. I will see you later.”
I laugh. Maybe she should visit her brother more often. I’m excited about the prospect of building a soccer field. It would give me something to do out here. My phone rings. Sang and Juang are both calling me. Fucking fantastic.
CHAPTER FIVE
Bangkok
Sang-
I swear to buddah I am going to kill her. How can someone so pretty be so infuriating? I am supposed to pick her up at the house to take her to school at 7:30am this morning. I get to the house and no one is home. I’m thinking the worst has happened. Juang has been kidnapped. Khap is going to kill me. I blow up her phone with phone calls and messages and she doesn’t answer. I call some of her friends to see if they know where she is at and no one knows. I call her father and he doesn’t know. You would think her father would be more concerned than this. I don’t understand parents. Why have kids if you don’t want them. They make contraceptives. Jeez. I focus back on the task at hand: operation find Juang. I am on the way to the University when I spot her at a popular breakfast spot with a guy. I look again to make sure it is a guy that I am seeing and not some tomboy. Yep, it’s a guy. About to be a dead guy. Juang laughs at something the jerk says. She never laughs like that with me. The punk reaches out and touches Juang’s hand. She retracts her hand politely. The nerve of the little shit. I park my car and run over to where they are at.
“S: Juang, who is this and why are you out with him?”
“Ju: P’Sang, this is P’Pope who is the upperclassman tutoring me for finals.”
“S: They don’t have any girl tutors? Why him? He doesn’t even look smart. Why are you calling him pee? He is not your brother.”
“Ju: P’Sang! I call you pee and we are not related. Stop making a scene, people are starting to look this way.”
“P: He’s not your brother?”
“Ju: He’s my brother’s best friend.”
“P: Hey man. Don’t worry about what I am to Juang. You should worry about yourself. Why did you touch her? Last I checked, touching wasn’t a requirement for studying. Listen to me and listen to me carefully. Don’t talk to Juang. Don’t look at Juang. Don’t even THINK about talking or looking at Juang. I’ll make your life miserable.”
“Ju: P’Sang! Stop this. He is just my tutor. Nothing is going on!”
“P: Are you threatening me?”
“S: Not threatening. Promising. If you come around Juang again, I will beat the shit out of you. Now move along.”
The twit jumps out of his seat and starts for his car.
“S: Hey! Come pay for the food asshole!”
He quickly tosses money on the table and hurries away. I take his seat in front of Juang. Ooh.. I always wanted to try the breakfast sandwiches here. I take a bit out of the food and it was heaven. The reviews were spot on about this place. I glance up to look at Juang. She glares at me with murderous intent.
“S: What?”
“Ju: P’Sang! Why do you always do this to me? He was my tutor for goodness sake. He is not out to steal my virtue. Not all guys are like you! I hate you!”
“S: What do you mean like me?”
“Ju: You use girls for one thing. And when you are done, you toss them away.”
“S: Those girls are after the same thing so I don’t see what the problem is.”
“Ju: You are such a pig P’Sang. One day you are going to get your heart broken by a girl.”
“S: She is already breaking my heart Juang. Every single day.”
Crap. I said too much. Just shut up Sang. Think about Khap killing you. Abort abort!
Juang-
His comment catches me by surprise. I’ve never seen him with a girl for longer than two weeks. Who is this girl? Could it be..
“S: You want to date Ah Tote or whatever his name is. Go ahead. Don’t come crying to me if he overthinks your actions and think you want to give him more and tries to take advantage of you. The way you flirt and laugh with him. Guys will misunderstand and think you are wanting to offer more! I am just looking out for you as a big brother.”
I hate him. I really do. He is 1% nice and 99% asshole. I feel the tears falling down my face.
“Ju: I hate you P’Sang.
I start bawling my eyes out. By the time I open my eyes again, P’Sang is kneeling in front of me. He takes my hands into his hands.
“S: Juang, don’t cry. I don’t say these things to hurt your feelings. I say them because I care for you. I don’t want guys to hurt you. You are smart and beautiful…Well, not when you are crying. You have an ugly cry. You may need to work on that.”
I move my hand to slap him on the shoulder. He takes my hand back.
“S: Seriously Juang. If anybody ever did anything to you, Khap and I would go crazy. I’m sorry if I was harsh on you.”
He looked sincere enough.
“Ju: You have to buy me ice cream after you pick me up from school and maybe I’ll think about forgiving you. Maybe.”
“S: Juang, you know I don’t spend money on anybody..but for your forgiveness, I will make an exception. Ok? Truce? Let’s go.”
We get up to walk to P’Sang’s car. I recognized a friend from school walking towards me. He stops me to ask if I was ready for finals yet. As I was about to respond, I hear P’Sang’s voice.
“S: Juang! Get in the goddamn car right now!”
I look around and everybody is staring at us now. I am mortified. I say bye to my friend and quickly run to the car.
“Ju: P’Sang, are you crazy? He was just a friend from school!”
“S: Have more girl friends. They don’t have the right equipment so I don’t have to worry.”
“Ju: What? You are gross. I am calling P’Khap. You are being unreasonable.”
“S: Go ahead, I’ll call him and tell him you snuck out with a boy this morning.”
CHAPTER SIX
BangRajun
Feung-
I show up to the orphanage a little later than normal. The grandma living next to us was not feeling well so I made her some medicine before I left. Father never came home but I still made some breakfast to leave for him in case he came home and was hungry. Today is the day that a school teacher from SingBuri comes and volunteers hours to help teach the kids. She comes once a week to teach the kids basic reading, writing, and math. We are still trying to develop a curriculum to accommodate the age differences between all the kids. They range from two years old to twelve years old. It’s hard to do since we only have one day out of the week with the teacher. The other days I work with P’Sinjai to reinforce what they learned with the teacher. I teach the younger kids the alphabets, numbers, and objects four days out of the week. I help reinforce reading, writing, and math with the older kids most of those days also. It’s a lot of work but when I see how happy the kids are, I feel content also. I glance at my watch. It’s almost time for me to start prepping for lunch. I also need to set some snacks out for the kids as they get out of class. As I rush into the kitchen area, I bump into someone and it almost knocks me on the ground. Luckily, the person grabs me by the waist before I fell. As I regain my balance, I look at who it was that I bumped into. It was none other than Khun Khap. His eyes have captured mines again. I can’t look away. Why are his eyes so sad? What is his story? His voice suddenly brings me back to reality.
“K: Feung, are you ok? I’m so sorry.”
“Fe: I’m ok. I should really watch where I am going. What are you doing here? Do you need something?”
“K: P’Sinjai said I could use the kitchen to cook breakfast but I have no idea where everything is.”
I noticed that his arms are still around me. They feel comfortable. Butterflies are fluttering in my stomach right now. Wait, Feung. This is wrong. You should not be acting or thinking like this.
“Fe: Khun, you can let go of me now.”
“K: Oh sorry. I didn’t realize I was still holding on to you. Sorry.”
He dropped his hands quickly. I can see his dimples. He is actually very cu… I shake my head again. Ah, what is wrong with me?
“Fe: I can show you where everything is real quick if you want. “
He smiles again and I see those dimples again.
“K: Actually, I lied. I just don’t know how to cook. I usually eat out or my sister cooks for me.”
“Fe: When was the last time you ate then?”
“K: At a restaurant right before I got to Khai BangRajun.”
“Fe: You must be starving! I can cook something for you real quick. Just have a seat.”
I go to the kitchen to whip something up real quick. Luckily, there was still some cooked rice left. I scooped some up in a bowl for him. Once I was done I took it over to the table he was sitting at. I also set down a glass of water for him.
“K: This looks and smells really good. Why don’t you eat with me?”
I haven’t eaten yet but I’m afraid there is not enough rice for two. I have some cooking now so it should be done soon. I can eat with the kids.
“Fe: You go on and eat. I’m ok for now.”
“K: You haven’t eaten yet have you? C’mon and join me. I can’t eat all of this by myself. It’s too much food.”
“Fe: There is barely any rice .I’m ok really.”
“K: If you don’t eat, I’m not going to eat. I will starve to death. My father once told me that I would make a mean ghost when I die. You don’t want me scaring off all your kids do you?”
“Fe: You? A mean ghost. You would have to be a mean person to be a mean ghost. I don’t see anything mean about you.”
“K: You haven’t met Khap Thakrit yet then. Well, being here has helped a lot too. I don’t feel angry all the time like I did before. And when I talk to you, I feel calm. Happy. C’mon just eat a little bit with me, please.”
He gets up to look for another bowl. I point out where we kept the bowls and utensils. He scoops some of the rice and placed it in the bowl for me. I guess I can’t not eat now. So here I am, eating with the one person I should really stay away from.
Khap-
I can’t stop smiling. I'm pretty sure I look like an idiot right now. She keeps trying to avoid eye contact with me as we eat. It's ok though. It gives me a chance to study her face. She's beautiful. Her eyes, nose, skin, and lips. If I wasn't trying to be such a gentleman, I would have kissed those lips already. It would be worth getting killed by her sister. I want her. I want to keep her forever. I can tell I am already getting possessive of her. I need to break things off with Roong as soon as possible. I can't make any moves with Feung until I am a free man. If Feung would give me a chance, I don't want Roong overshadowing us.
“K: Have you lived here your whole life?”
“Fe: Both Fang and I were born and raised here. Kamyat has always been home for us. And you?”
“K: My sister and I were born in Bangkok. Never lived anywhere else. Bangkok doesn't feel like home though. Not like here. I feel like this is home.”
“Fe: Here in Khai BangRajun? You feel this is home? Usually people want to leave here. Not many stay. It's mostly the older generation that lives here.”
“K: Why do you stay here then?”
“Fe: Because this is my home. The orphanage is my haven. My dream is to save up enough money so that I can buy this place to raise the kids that have been willingly and unwillingly left by their parents. Khun, these kids, they have so much life in them. I don't want them to wither and die. I want to help nurture and grow them. When they get older, I want to send them out in the world and have them contribute back.”
I can watch her talk all day. She's so passionate and so kind. I find myself falling deeper and deeper the more I look at her. I ache to hold and kiss her.
“K: Do you almost have enough to buy the place yet”
She shakes her head.
“K: How much more do you need?”
“Fe: I want to buy it with my own money. I can't stop you from donating your money but donations will go to operating the orphanage. I am saving up from jobs that I do here and there. The owner pays me a small salary to help maintain the orphanage. The place would be in better shape if the owner would give us the assistance money that the government gives each month to the orphanage. Instead, they just pocket the money.”
I slam my hand on the table, startling her.
“K: They can't do that. That is against the law. Why has no one reported them?”
“Fe: If we report them, they will shut this place down. Children's Haven would be no more. These kids will no longer have a place to stay.”
Fucking A. I hate this shit. Why are there people out there like that.
“K: How about this. If you won't let me help you buy the place, how about you let me pay you in exchange for cooking and doing laundry for me? My sister usually does those things for me. Now, I'm out here alone and have to fend for myself. I can learn to do them on my own but I would rather not if you are willing to help me out?”
“Fe: I don't know...”
“K: Look, and don't be trying to rip me off. I won't pay you more than the normal price.”
I get a smile from her.
“K: Please? At least have pity on me. I really do not know how to cook. I hate doing laundry. I hate folding. It would really be helping me out. We can work out a schedule where you only do it when you are free. Will that work?”
I do my best to give her my pleading face. I hope she says yes so I get to see her every day.
Feung-
The extra money would really help me purchase this place faster. I have already saved up 75% percent of the purchase price. I look at Khun Khap. I am not sure if he is trying to give me a sad or smiley face. It looks like a sad face but his dimples are showing. I laugh at his expression.
“Fe: Ok. I'll do it. I won't be giving you any discount through. I am going to charge you as much as anyone else would charge you.”
“K: I wouldn't have it any other way.”
He reaches his hand out for a handshake. As tempted as I am to feel his touch again, I wai him instead. He gives me a dimpled smile. It's hard not to smile back at him. He slides over his empty plates to me.
“K: I guess we can start now. Can you wash my dishes for me too? I hate cleaning.”
I try and stifle a laugh.
“Fe: Khun, what do you like? I'll I've heard so far is I hate this and I hate that. Do you like antything?”
“K: I like you.”
And just like that, he walks away. I am sure my face is turning red. I pick up the plates to go wash hoping my blush will go away by the time the kids come out for lunch. I smile to myself. His eyes are look different now. There is still sadness there but I also see light now. It makes me happy that he is happy. I don't know why. I haven't known him for more than a few days. I shake my head and continue to wash the dishes. I have to figure out when I would have time to do his laundry. Cooking is easy. I can cook for him when I cook for the kids. I feel someone tugging on my dress. I look down to see Parob. He hold's his hands out for me to hold him. I dry my hands quickly and pick him up. The bigger kids tease him and call him a baby. I want to hold him as much as I can because soon he will be too big to carry. Or, he will go to a nice family and I would never get to see him again. He helps me dry the dishes and then set the table for the kids to have lunch. The day goes by quickly. Next thing I know, it's almost time for dinner and Fang will be home from school soon. I set some food aside for Khun Khap. As I start to pass the food out to the kids, Fang shows up. I fix her a plate also. By the time we are done with dinner, it was almost dark and we started getting ready to get home. I wanted to drop off Khun Khap's food on our way home.
“Fa: Where are you going P'Feung. Home is this way remember?”
“Fe: I need to drop this of to Khun Khap real quick.”
“Fa: When did you start cooking for him? Tell him to go find someone else to cook for him. Let's go.”
“Fe: Fang, I am not doing this for free. He is paying me to cook and clean for him. It will help us purchase the orphanage faster.”
“Fa: P'Feung! Why would you do that?! I told you I would help you with the money. I don't want you to have to be a housemaid for someone just to make extra money. No. You are not doing this.”
“Fe: Fang, I am the older sister here. If you love me, you have to listen to me. Khun Khap means no harm. He is not used to being on his own and having to do things himself. We are just going to help him out until he learns how to cook and clean himself. Ok?”
“Fa: Fine. Let me take the food to him then.
She grabs the basket from my hand and walks up the house. All I hear is a loud thud and I see Fang coming back down the stairs. She grabs my arm and starts walking home.
“Fa: Don't worry. He got the food. Let's go. “
We run into P'Jai in front of our house.
“Fe: P'Jai. Where have you been? I haven't seen you around lately.”
“J: I've been busy helping the neighbors with their famland. Actually, that is why I came over. They need some help in Ta Chang so I will be over there for a couple of months. I won't be in Khai BangRajun for a while and I wanted to make sure you have everything you need. If you need anything, you can find me in Ta Chang.”
“Fa: We will be fine P'Jai. No need to worry about us. Worry about yourself.”
“Fe: Take care of yourself P'Jai.”
P'Jai looks as us again before leaving. Fang and I walk up the stairs of our house. It looks like our father is home tonight.
“P: What kind of daughter comes home this late? What kind of daughter leaves their father to fend for themselves? No food! No nothing!
“Fa: What kind of...”
“Fe: I'll go cook something for you real quick Por.”
By the time I was done cooking and cleaning, was really late. I took a quick shower and laid down to sleep. When I close my eyes, all I see is Khun Khap and his dimpled smile.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Khap-
My diagnosis is that Fang is officially crazy. The crazy bat brought my basket of food and threw is down right in front of me. The contents spilled all over the place. Her parting words was, “Enjoy your dinner, Pig.” What the hell have I done that offended her so much. I can't pick where I was born. Blame my parents for that one. I need to call Juang. I ignored both her and Sang's calls today. They probably fought over something silly such as where to eat. I was too busy being on cloud nine today just being able to have a moment with Feung. She makes everything better. She makes breathing easier. I think she is the faceless woman in my dreams. I no longer see her in my dreams but I remember the feeling I get when I dream about her. I get this burning sensation in my chest right where my heart is at. I get the same feeling when I am around Feung. I pick up my phone and call Juang. She picks up on the fourth ring.
“Ju: P'Khap! Why didn't you pick up my calls earlier? I was worried sick about you. I almost had P'Sang go over there to check on you. Are you ok?”
“K: I'm fine. What did you call for?”
“Ju: P'Sang made me cry again. He embarrassed me in public P'Khap. He is getting out of hand. You need to do something. He saw me with a guy at breakfast....”
“K: Wait, what guy were you with Juang? Why were you out with him?”
I grate my teeth. I hate it when I see guys swarm around my sister. I see in their eyes what they want when they look at her. I'm a guy so I know what they are thinking. My sister is too naive to see that.
“Ju: Let me finish P'Khap. He is a tutor at the University. He was helping me study for exams. We were hungry and decided to go grab breakfast. It was totally innocent. P'Sang made a big deal out of it and even threatened him!”
“K: Good for Ai Sang. Next time you go study with a guy, take Ai Sang with you. If he is working, reschedule your study session.”
“Ju: But P'Khap!”
“K: No buts Juang. I mean it. I called you for something else. I met a girl here and she is going to be the one I marry Juang.”
“Ju: But Pee, what about Roong.”
“K: You know Roong and I don't love each other. Roong wants our money. She can have it if she wants it. I just want to end the engagement. Can you set up a meeting with her for me in a month or so? I want to end it face to face. I also want you there just in case she goes bat shit crazy. I've never hit a woman..and I have no intention to start with Roong. You can hit her for me though.”
“Ju: Gladly. I never did like her anyways. “
“K: Don't tell father yet though. Has he asked for me?”
Silence. It means he hasn’t asked for me or cared how I was doing. My sweet sister didn’t want to lie to me but also didn’t want to hurt my feelings. What she doesn't know if that I am always in a constant state of hurt when I think about my father. I hang up with Juang and start eating my dinner or what's left of it. I laugh at the thought of Fang. It's endearing how much she loves her sister. If I want to get close to Feung, I would have to tolerate Fang. I don't know how to approach that yet. Every time she sees me she comes at me like a rabid dog on the attack. Then there is Parob. I still need to deal with him. God, I wish I could hold Feung now. The next couple of weeks fly by fast. Feung and I fall into this easy routine where I would go and have breakfast and lunch at the orphanage. Dinner she brings over to the house for me before she heads home. I take my clothes to her to wash by the lake on Satudays. I pay her on Sundays. She is more comfortable around me now. She smiles more. I find myself smiling more also. This Saturday I had more clothes for her to wash than usual. P'Sinjai's sister in law agreed to sell me the property to turn into a soccer field. I have been out there every day striping the field and building the net. I had to changes at least three times a day because I was sweating so much in the hot sun. Juang's already sent me clothes twice. Today I sit quietly next to Feung and watch her wash my clothes.
“K: Do you need me to help you?”
“Fe: No, I want you to pay me in full. If you help me, you may ask me for a discount.”
I smile at her and she smiles back. I'm happiest when it's just me and her like this.
“K: I'm almost done with the soccer fields. They should be able to play on it after Songkran is over. “
“Fe: They will be so excited when you tell them. I've seen Parob watching you kick the ball a few times. I think he wants to play too. “
She always gets lost in her thoughts when she talks about the kids. I take her hands in mines.
“K: Feung, you are doing a great job with these kids. When others wouldn't even give them a second glance, you devote your life to them. They are lucky to have you in their lives.”
“Fe: It will be sad to see them leave but I also don't want them to be stuck here forever. If there is a better family for them out there who can give them a comfortable life, I want that for them. I want them to feel love and cherished.”
“K: You love and cherish them here. They are happy here. What are they lacking besides money? Money doesn't always bring you happiness Feung. I know. Trust me. They lack a mother and father? I can be their Por Khap if you want. As long as you're their Mae Feung.”
She removes her hands from mines and hits me on the shoulders. I know she is not mad because she is smiling. I love her smile. I love her lips. I love everything about her. Especially her lips. I take her hand again. In an instance, I lose my self control and lean in to kiss her on those beautiful lips. I think I was just as surprised as she was when that happened. I pull back to gauge her expression. She doesn't say anything so I kiss her again. This time longer and more intense. She is the first to pull back this time. Her breathing is irregular. So is mine. I am pretty sure my heart is jumping out of my chest. I let go of her hands and lean back against the dock I lay beside her and she continues washing my clothes. I can get use to this. I really can.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Feung -
I am not sure what I am doing with Khun Khap. My head says no but my heart says yes. I allowed him to kiss me; twice. If Fang ever found out, she would kill him. Even though I was the one who should have stopped it from happening. I glance over at Khun Khap who is now sound asleep on the dock beside me. He must be tired from all the outside work he is doing on the soccer field. He has only been here a month but it feels like I have known him forever. I finish washing his clothes and start putting them in the basket so that I can go dry them. I probably should wake him up. I shake him gently.
“Fe: Khun Khap..wake up. You should go and rest at the house.”
“K: Hmmm..Mae Feung? How long have I been asleep? I must be more tired than I think.”
“Fe: Not too long, but I am ready to go now.”
We walk back to the house in silence. We continue this comfortable routine. Our time together was filled with stolen hugs and kisses and I allowed it. I crave his touch as much as he craves mines. Any resistance I had against him was long gone. Days turn into weeks and next thing I know, it is already Songkran. Khun Khap said his sister and best friend were going to visit him during Songkran and he would like to introduce me. I'm nervous and don't know how to present myself. I've never had anyone place such importance on me to where they want to introduce me to people they know. They should be arriving sometime later today. I'm currently trying to get breakfast ready for the kids and making a mental list of what I need to go buy when I go shop for the upcoming festivities. As I think to myself, I feel strong arms envelope me from behind.
“K: What's for breakfast?”
“Fe: Khun Khap, let me go before someone sees.”
“K: I miss you though.”
He gives me a small kiss on the cheek. I try and squirm out of his embrace. I'm scared Fang might see us. She doesn't have school this week so she should be around here somewhere. He finally lets me go.
“Fe: You see me every day.”
“K: Even every day is not enough. I want to see you every minute, every second.”
“Fe: You are talking crazy. Do you want me to cook extra lunch since your sister and friend is going to be here later?”
“K: Don't worry about lunch. I think we may just eat at SingBuri capital. I want you to go with us.”
“Fe: I can't. I have to say with the kids here.”
“Si: Feung, go ahead and go with Khap. Go enjoy being young. You never get to go out and have fun. My husband and I can handle the kids for the rest of the day.”
“Fe: P'Sinjai. Thank you but...”
“K: No excuses Feung. P”Sinjai said it's ok. You can even bring Fang if you want to.”
“Fe: I...”
“Si: Go Feung. It's ok.”
They are double teaming me. I have no excuse to say no now. I agree to go with Khun Khap. Fang isn't going to like this. I nod my head.
“K: Great, it's agreed on. You can't back out now. Let me go call Juang and see where they are at.”
What have I gotten myself into?
CHAPTER NINE
Sang -
I am so tired. I just got off a twelve hour shift and now I am making a two and a half hour drive to spend a week in the countryside. Lack of sleep puts me in a bad mood. Juang texting and not paying attention to be puts me in a worse mood. She's smiling at her phone again. That's it! I slam on the brakes.
“Ju: What the hell P'Sang. I almost flew out the window!”
“S: Sorry, there was a squirrel.”
“Ju: Be more careful.”
“S: Yes, Mae Juang.”
“Ju: Don't call me that. It makes me feel old.”
“S: You complain like an old lady.”
“Ju: Well you drive like an old man. At the rate we are going, Songkran will be over by the time we make it there.”
“S: Do you want to walk? I bet you I will make it there before you.”
“Ju: You are so moody today. Are you sad that you won't get to see your girlfriends for a week?”
I glare at her and she matches my stare. This girl doesn't back down. I turn to the road and continue to drive. Girlfriends. Only if she knew the truth. I bring the girls around to act as a barrier so I don't act on my true feelings. I've known Juang since she was fourteen and she caught my attention then but I didn't do anything about it because she was way too young. Of course now, she is off limits because she is Khap's younger sister. Oh stupid heart! Why must you love the one you can't have?
Juang -
I must have hit a nerve with the girlfriend comment. I've met all the girls that he's brought around. They are all ditzy. He could do so much better. He thinks I don't know but I know he is tough on the outside and sweet on the inside. If you dig deep enough, he is a very sweet and loyal guy. But you have to dig very very deep. I mean once you think you dug deep enough, keep digging a little more. That's how deep you have to dig to find sweet Sang. Since he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I go back to looking at funny cat pictures. Some are so ridiculous I can't stop laughing. I think of something.
“Ju: P'Sang, do you think my brother is going to move back to Bangkok?”
“S: I don't know, he sounds like he is happy there. If I find a place where I'm happy, I wouldn't go back to Bangkok. Not many good memories back there. “
“Ju: Not even with us?”
“S: The only happy memories I have ARE with you guys Juang. The other parts of my life are forgettable.”
“Ju: P'Sang..”
“S: Let's not talk about me. Talk about your brother. I think he met a girl there.”
“Ju: He did! Did you know he asked me to set something up for him and Roong? He said he is going to break off the engagement. I'm so excited! If he married Roong, he would be unhappy for the rest of his life. He can't even stand being in the same room as her for two seconds.”
“S: Roong reminds me of a giraffe.”
“Ju: It's the long neck right? I thought I was the only one that say that! That is too funny. Have you noticed how she keeps clearing her throat? That is the most annoying sound ever. I mean just spit it out already.”
“S: You know. I was watching this documentary about the Kayan Lawhi tribe. You know the one where the women wear the rings around their neck? Well, I wonder if Roong was secretly part of that tribe. She only puts the rings around her necks when she sleeps. That's the only explanation I can come up with for her long neck. It's freakishly long.”
We both look at each other and started laughing. Leave it up to P'Sang to think of things like that. I really want to meet this girl that seems to have stolen my brother's heart. I hope P'Khap finds his happiness. My brother was never the same after our mother's death. Even before her death, he was innately a sad person. My mother use to say that he was born a sad baby. He didn't laugh or smile as a baby. She said the first time he smiled was when I was born. Throughout the years I see my brother struggle to make it day to day. It's like he had to will himself to live each day. My mother's death and the shooting incident made it even worst. My greatest fear is losing my brother to his depression. I tear up thinking about it. The car comes to a sudden stop.
“S: Juang, what's wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?”
“Ju: Just my heart P'Sang. My heart hurts for P'Khap.”
“S: We're not going to lose him. I promise you. I love him like a brother. I won't let anything happen to him.”
My phone starts ringing. It's P'Khap.
“Ju: P'Khap? Yes, we should be there in an hour or so. We would’ve been there sooner but P'Sang is driving slower than a grandpa. Yes, I have the address. Bye.”
“S: Get out of my car.”
“Ju: No. Keep driving old man.”
Khap -
Juang and Sang arrived around 11am. I did the introductions and helped them get settled in at the house. We then started getting ready to go to SingBuri capital.
“S: We won't all fit in the car. You are going to have to take your motorcycle Ai Khap.”
“K: That's fine. Feung, do you want to ride with me?”
“Fa: No, P'Feung can ride in the car. I'll ride with you.”
“K: No, I'm afraid that you are going to do something intentional and get me killed.”
“Fa: I'm not that cruel.”
“K: You hit me in the head with a pestle..a stone pestle.”
“S: She hit you with a pestle? Did you hit her back?”
“K: I don't hit women Ai Sang.”
“S: She looks like a tomboy. They are a different species than women.”
Within fifteen seconds, Sang was on his ass.
“S: What the hell just happened!?”
“K: I think she just kicked your ass man.”
Sang stands up and raises both his hands up.
“S: She's not riding with me. Hell no.”
“Ju: Are you okay, P'Khap? Did you have a doctor look at it?”
“K: It's fine Juang. She only intended brain damage not death. Feung, do you want to ride with me? Fang can ride with Sang and Juang.”
“Fa: You only have one helmet. How can you be so irresponsible and want P”Feung to ride without a helmet?”
“K: She can use mines. I don't need one.”
“Fe: That's okay. I'll ride with Fang in the back of the car. You keep the helmet. It's dangerous to ride without a helmet.”
They turn to get into Sang's car. The little one turns and sticks her tongue at me. That little firecracker. I'll teach her a lesson one day. Although, it is nice to know that she will always protect Feung. I get on my bike and lead the way to SingBuri.
CHAPTER TEN
Fang -
I hate car rides. They make me sick. I prefer being in the open air on the motorcycle. I was hoping Dimples would have let me ride with him. Now I am stuck in the car with Lips and Eyes. Eyes, whose name I believe is Juang, keeps glancing at me nervously. I've never seen anyone with such big eyes. I guess she's scared I may take a pestle to her head too. She seems okay so we shouldn't have a problem. As long as she doesn't have plans to try and take P'Feung away from me, I won't have a problem with her. Wait. What if she's one of those girls that prefer women? Bangkok people are crazy. You have men who want to be women and women who want to be men. I've seen it on TV. I can't trust her either then. Lips, I already don't trust. He talks way to fast and way too much. Seems like a conman. Did I mention I hate cars? I feel like throwing up. I would love to throw up in this fancy car, but I also don't want to sit here and smell it the whole way there and back. Maybe I'll try and throw up right when we come back. A parting gift, if you will. I lay my head on P'Feung's lap to help with the nausea.
“S: What's wrong? You getting carsick?”
“Fe: We don't really go around in cars much. We mainly travel by motorcycle, bicycles or ox-carts.”
“S: They still have ox-carts?”
“Fe: That's the way we get around from village to village if the proximity is close enough.”
“Ju: I've never ridden on one before. I would like to before I leave.”
“Fe: I'm sure we can find you a ride.”
“Ju: Yay, I'm so excited!. Thank you P'Feung!”
“Fa: Hey, don't call her P'Feung. She's my sister not yours. And can you please slow down?! The bumps are making me sick.”
I hear the car rev up and feel the car pick up speed. What. A. Jerk.
Khap -
I arrive at the restaurant before them so I grab a table and wait. The restaurant is part of the Pongsakorn Hotel. My father was the one who did construction on this project. The Pongsakorn family has given us a lot of business within the last twenty years. I spot Thap Pongsakorn at the reservation desk. We show up at the same functions a lot and always make small talk so I guess you can call us acquaintances. I walk up to say hello to him.
“K: Thap. I didnt know you were working here. “
“T: My father wanted me to run this site for a couple of months until he can hire a general manager. What brings you here? Business in town?”
“K: I'm staying at Khai BangRajun Kamyat village for a while. Clear my head a bit.”
“T: I know where that's at. I go to the Children's Haven Orphanage quite a bit. I'm actually courting a girl that works there. Her name.....excuse me for a second Khap. Let me check in this couple real quick.”
I wait around for a bit because I want to know which girl he is courting. It can't be my Mae Feung. I feel the jealousy rising up. Jealousy. That is a new emotion for me and it is creeping up with a vengeance.
“T: Hey Khap. I need to do some damage control. There was a mix up in the reservations. You have my number. Call me if you want to hang out. “
He turns and leaves with the couple he was talking to earlier. Great, just great. I'll have to wait to get my answer. I spot my group arriving at the restaurant. Check your jealousy at the door Khap before you loose everything before you even have it. As I walk up to them, I see that there is something definitely wrong with Fang.
“K: Are you okay Fang?”
“Fa: Don't celebrate yet. I am not dying.”
“Fe: She got carsick.”
I know there is a little medicine shop close to here that should sell something to help.
“K: Go ahead and sit down. I'll be right back. Juang, order me a water please.”
I went to pick up the medicine for Fang and was back at the restaurant in less than 10 minutes. As I am walking back, I see Feung and Thap talking. She's smiling at him. My jealously flares up again. I just want to yank her away and hold her in my arms away from him. I made my mind up whether I want to have a throw down with Thap in the middle of a restaurant or not. Yep. we are doing this. I quicken my pace towards them but he is called away again. By the time I get to them, he is gone. Feung sees me and smiles at me. My anger dissipates. I am going to have to ask her about her and Thap one day. Today is not the day. I want her first day out with me to be a good one so I place my anger and jealously in check again. I take the medicine to Fang and hand it to her.
“Fa: How do I know you didn't poison it?”
“K: Because the seal hasn't been broken.”
“Fe: Fang, just take it and stop being difficult. It will make you feel better.”
“K: If I did anything to hurt you, your sister wouldn't like me very much.”
I smile at Feung. I see her blush and turn away. The rest of the day went by without any major incidents. Well, other than Fang throwing her water in Sang's face. Sang commented about how she looked like a rat chewing her food with her front teeth. She responded back with the water and said it was part of Songkran to throw water at each other. I'm just glad Sang didn't retaliate because we probably would have been kicked out of the restaurant. On the way back home, I let Fang ride on the motorcycle with me. I gave her my helmet. She didn't try to get us killed which I was thankful for. Feung wanted to stop by the orphanage to check on the kids first before going home. Sang and Juang went to the house before me. Fang went to help P'Sinjai clean up the kitchen. When Feung stepped out of the kids room, I pulled her into the dark hallway. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight.
“K: I miss you.”
“Fe: I was with you all day”
“K: I didn't get to hug you though.”
“Fe: Fang and P'Sinjai is going to come by any minute now.”
“K: Did you miss me too?”
She squirms and tries to get away. I kiss her softly on both her cheeks.
“K: Can you tell me if you miss me or not? I just want to know.”
She looks at me and nods her head. I look in her eyes and then my gaze shifts to her lips. I give her a quick peck on the lips before I let her go. It was great timing because Fang walks in as soon as we part.
“Fa: What are you still doing here?”
“K: I was going to see how you were doing. If the medicine helped any.”
“Fa: I'll live. Don't think because you helped me today, I will see you as my hero. You are not...Ngoo. Now please scurry away. P'Feung and I are heading home.”
“K: Why do you use the word scurry? It makes me feel like a dog or something. Well, just follow the instructions on the medicine box. Feung, let me know if you need me to help take anything to the temple tomorrow okay?“
I head to the house and can already hear Sang and Juang arguing.
“Ju: P'Khap! There is only one bedroom. Where are we all going to sleep?”
“S: I told her that you and I will take the room and she can sleep outside. We're good-looking guys so we have to be protected from all the women around here. Juang on the other hand....”
“Ju: P'Sang!”
“K: Be quiet before you wake up the neighbors. Juang, you are sleeping in the room. Sang and I will sleep outside.”
“S: I was kidding Juang. I already set up the net and everything for you in there while you went to shower.”
I looked in the room and he sure did set everything up for her. He even used all of our blankets for her, leaving us with none. Good thing it feels good outside today. As I am trying to sleep, I think of the events of today. It was a really good day. This is the happiest I ever felt. I felt warmth and love. I had my sister and my best friend. I had Mae Feung. Even Fang, with her razor tongue was starting to grow on me. Then, I remembered the Thap incident and my happiness starts to fade. I'm going to have to ask Feung about that. I hope it's nothing. I won't share Mae Feung's heart with any other guy. Fang and the kids are okay but no one else. I want to be the only guy in her heart.
TBC
