why hmong parents are sooo strict?
- Thread starter LidoLynn
- Start date
I think because when you get down to the point, appreance does matter for the most part. For example, if a hot ass guys asked you out, verse a ugly guy , both nice and all, I'm pretty sure majority of us would pick the hot ass guy...
No matter how much we hate being judge, trust me, we are also very judgemental too... but in a way that we don't think that we are.
No matter how much we hate being judge, trust me, we are also very judgemental too... but in a way that we don't think that we are.
I don't think Hmong parents are the only strict ones. Most parents that I know who are asians are strict with their kids. And yes...I don't think that they are strict simply because they don't want to you have red hair. I think it's more of how outsiders look at you, especially in a Cambodian community. People here in Philadelphia talk so much shhh about each other. They'd be like look at her she has this color hair and dresses like this or so...and they automatically assume that the person is bad...or no longer good.
Like my parents don't like us to dress too revealing, it's not like we do anyway, but they'll still say it because people might say something or think less of you. My parents don't want us to have boyfriends or girlfriends because people will talk about us. They don't want us to get any extra piercing or dye our hair because people will start talking. Yall can catch my drift.
Like my parents don't like us to dress too revealing, it's not like we do anyway, but they'll still say it because people might say something or think less of you. My parents don't want us to have boyfriends or girlfriends because people will talk about us. They don't want us to get any extra piercing or dye our hair because people will start talking. Yall can catch my drift.
Believe it or not.. sometime... just sometime, we can learn something useful from our parents... I'm pretty sure they've been where we were once upon a blue moon, just in a different time... all and all I'm pretty sure most parent just wants what's best for their kids and want them to turn out better then they did... I think that's why so many hmong or asian parent nagg so much...
I use to think that my parents were the worst parents, not letting me cut my hair, dressing the way I want, not being able to go out like the rest of friends... but years down the line.. I'm kinda thankful that they were how they were or else I wouldn't turn out the way I did... believe it or not.. I did find worst parents than my parents... and it made me very thankful to have them as parents...
It takes time to understand most parents... just wait until you're over the age of 21 or so, you'll start to see where they're coming from.
Even now day, my parents still naggs, I hate it sometime and even get mad at them sometimes, but at least I know that they care and wants what's best for me... even though I don't show it to them sometime... but I know that through their harsh words and lectures... they just want me to be the best that I can be...
For those who have bad parents... teach them to be good parents... if you can't learn from them, show them that they can learn something from you. I'm pretty sure, parents don't know everything ... there's one or two things they can learn from us kids.... it's just a matter of how we teach it to them that make them learn... and if no matter what you do don't work and your parents is still hating .... well one advice from me...but don't do it without thinking it through is move out and live on your own....
I use to think that my parents were the worst parents, not letting me cut my hair, dressing the way I want, not being able to go out like the rest of friends... but years down the line.. I'm kinda thankful that they were how they were or else I wouldn't turn out the way I did... believe it or not.. I did find worst parents than my parents... and it made me very thankful to have them as parents...
It takes time to understand most parents... just wait until you're over the age of 21 or so, you'll start to see where they're coming from.
Even now day, my parents still naggs, I hate it sometime and even get mad at them sometimes, but at least I know that they care and wants what's best for me... even though I don't show it to them sometime... but I know that through their harsh words and lectures... they just want me to be the best that I can be...
For those who have bad parents... teach them to be good parents... if you can't learn from them, show them that they can learn something from you. I'm pretty sure, parents don't know everything ... there's one or two things they can learn from us kids.... it's just a matter of how we teach it to them that make them learn... and if no matter what you do don't work and your parents is still hating .... well one advice from me...but don't do it without thinking it through is move out and live on your own....
Older parents with strong culture and tradition are more strict than second or third generation parents...When I was growing up...I was up against a traditional brother/sisten-inlaw/ my parents/ grand parents too! Life was hell at home...we cant go out with our friends until Saturday, during the days, the guys can play but not the girls, start coooking and clean after 3 pm and finish everything including homework by 6:30 because lights out time is 7 pm...Sad though...but that was the reality many of us have to endure during those times... and for use Hmong girl...a way out is marry...that's what i did...(yeah yeah sad...)
Anyway.....now that I am a parent....
Parenting has no written rules or guidelines...many time...most of them are not ready for parents...in a way they are kids themselves...take me for example: I have a house full of adult and teenage children..ranging from 25 yrs old to 15...(5 sons and one girl! Thank God! only one girl! ) sometimes I feel like I am just one of them...It was not so long ago that I was a teen myself...and in my heart I am still a child like them too...
My point is...one cant stuck in a century forever...life changes daily....in order to catch up with your children, you have to change and grow along...if they like baggy clothes, make it your business to find out if that's today styles...if one wants to pierce his/her ears or tattoo.....give them your opinion and have them decide...many times this work better than stopping a person from doing something...the more you stop them...the more they resist and rebel...why? because they are just kids....they cant be told what to do...they needs guidance and directions...
This is just my opinion...my kids are not perfect and neither am I....we try hard to understand them....
Anyway.....now that I am a parent....
Parenting has no written rules or guidelines...many time...most of them are not ready for parents...in a way they are kids themselves...take me for example: I have a house full of adult and teenage children..ranging from 25 yrs old to 15...(5 sons and one girl! Thank God! only one girl! ) sometimes I feel like I am just one of them...It was not so long ago that I was a teen myself...and in my heart I am still a child like them too...
My point is...one cant stuck in a century forever...life changes daily....in order to catch up with your children, you have to change and grow along...if they like baggy clothes, make it your business to find out if that's today styles...if one wants to pierce his/her ears or tattoo.....give them your opinion and have them decide...many times this work better than stopping a person from doing something...the more you stop them...the more they resist and rebel...why? because they are just kids....they cant be told what to do...they needs guidance and directions...
This is just my opinion...my kids are not perfect and neither am I....we try hard to understand them....
My dad is leniant with us because he was an orphan and he loves us very much and gives us everything that we want.
My mom, on the other hand, is a total freak. Her father used to be a commander for the Vietnam war and so she used to the perfect life. she flies off her broomstick everytime we do something that might ruin HER good family reputation and everytime I argue with her, She always bring up how her family is so perfect and that we take my dad's family side since they aren't perfect like her family. It pisses me off when she thinks that she's so good and perfect and she doesn't want her repuataion dirtied by us.
I have learned very much from her that if I let the reputation crap run my life like my mother, I will turn out to be very bitchy like her and uptight. So now, I don't care what other people think of me because their all entitled to their own opinion no matter what kind of person you are.
My mom, on the other hand, is a total freak. Her father used to be a commander for the Vietnam war and so she used to the perfect life. she flies off her broomstick everytime we do something that might ruin HER good family reputation and everytime I argue with her, She always bring up how her family is so perfect and that we take my dad's family side since they aren't perfect like her family. It pisses me off when she thinks that she's so good and perfect and she doesn't want her repuataion dirtied by us.
I have learned very much from her that if I let the reputation crap run my life like my mother, I will turn out to be very bitchy like her and uptight. So now, I don't care what other people think of me because their all entitled to their own opinion no matter what kind of person you are.
sometimes perfect is not so perfect...Just imagine what kinda life she went through in her life with her strict parents too... I am glad your dad is leniant...
In the 80s when a lot of hmong people just arrived in the US, many parents were still very stricted...my dad was stricted to a point too...but because he didnt understand the culture and lifestyle just yet....I remember I took my dad to my formal dance in my Junior year so he would let me attend my prom....they just need to know feel secure if we are doing things right...
In the 80s when a lot of hmong people just arrived in the US, many parents were still very stricted...my dad was stricted to a point too...but because he didnt understand the culture and lifestyle just yet....I remember I took my dad to my formal dance in my Junior year so he would let me attend my prom....they just need to know feel secure if we are doing things right...
AsianFemale
Mrs. Kim Junsu
MY PARENTS USED TO BE LIKE THAT BUT ANYMORE...WELP PROB WER ADULT NOW SO THEY WOULDNT CARE ANYMORE...IM SO GLAD THAT MY PARENTS AINT LIKE THAT ANYMORE...HEHE
leek18
sarNie Adult
yep that is true. my parents always say that they hate dude with earing on their ear (they don't know anything at all) they say that poj niam was the ony reason to wear earing and not men and then i say "so what, everybody doing the same so stop talking about the earing" well i would like to have an earring but now i don't want it anymore. i like my black hair, i don't want to dye at all, dyeing my hair to brown, orange, or any color make me ugly and i don't like it. when i see other dude dye their hair, i would like ew!! ugly color. i will always keep my black hair alive. not all perents in here are strict it was also some parents at laos and thailand, of course. parents at thailand and laos say that women and men with orange hair, brown hair, or any color are called poj laib/yawg laib and they don't want their daughter or sons to marry those kinds of girl or mens.
paj sua yaj
sarNie Egg
i think that everyone has a point.....i am not a parent and i still live with my parents....but i live at school most...of my times....i would go home every weekend.....i use to think that i want to get away from my parents when i grow up...not by marriage but i want to go to college far away that i don't have to follow my parents rule....but after all those year away i still visite my parents every week......my college is about 6 hours drive home but still i go home very friday.....i don't know if the ladies in here that got married think the same like me...but i at time...i really miss my parents...and by living on your own you will come to learn that what your parents did from you as a samll child....was something that you will never forget....sometimes i miss how the are over protected......while i learn how to be my self...i have also, learned how to love my parents more then i have ever thought....at times now i thinkto my self why i use to think that they are soo strick...it just how they are OVER PROTECTED.....they want the best out of you.....
will kind of out of the subject....when i was watching the OUTSIDER....the movie had shown a lot of views that made me understand more of my parents...the real world is not what you think it is......there are many things that you have to learn step by step....don't take big step....because you may fall and never have the chance to stand up agian.....or if you have the chance...hope that you will learn from it and improve it...for the future......
that is what i have learn from living away from my parents.....i have to protect my self...and learned how to be an adult at the same time.....hope that from this experince i would never what to stay away for my parents......
what ever way your parents teach you i think that they are tell you in a good way.....but its just the way they tell you!!!!!!!
i understant that as a teen you will never understand your parents...becuase they did not grow up in the world that you grow up in......i don't know if this feeling would help you...undertand your parents feeling more.....but many older people had tell me that once you become a parent then you will understand why your parents was like that to you too.......
will kind of out of the subject....when i was watching the OUTSIDER....the movie had shown a lot of views that made me understand more of my parents...the real world is not what you think it is......there are many things that you have to learn step by step....don't take big step....because you may fall and never have the chance to stand up agian.....or if you have the chance...hope that you will learn from it and improve it...for the future......
that is what i have learn from living away from my parents.....i have to protect my self...and learned how to be an adult at the same time.....hope that from this experince i would never what to stay away for my parents......
what ever way your parents teach you i think that they are tell you in a good way.....but its just the way they tell you!!!!!!!
i understant that as a teen you will never understand your parents...becuase they did not grow up in the world that you grow up in......i don't know if this feeling would help you...undertand your parents feeling more.....but many older people had tell me that once you become a parent then you will understand why your parents was like that to you too.......
I know that parents are strict because they want the best for you.... they dont want others people to said bad things.... so they have to said it..... parents just want the best for their kids..... I dont think anyone would understand this till they are a parents themself.... I'm a parent and I want the best for my kids... I think being strict is one way they show that they love you..... like my mom always said....."if I dont love you I wont said all things things"...... they just want us to learnd form it.... or from the mistake that they see.... Old parents they know alot tooo....
jekki2chipo
sarNie Hatchling
Hmong parents and being strict, didn't think much about that either. Oh well.
I'm gald mine are just okay. Not too strict and not too nice. HEHEHE.
I'm gald mine are just okay. Not too strict and not too nice. HEHEHE.
Yeah.... I trutly agreen w/you.... onces you live by youseft for move away.... and dont have your parents around... that's when you'll miss them.... living w/your parents is the best thing cause they always do things for you... just dont realizal it.... for example.... my older sister she still live w/my parents and they do everything for her... my mom will wake up to cook for her befor she go to work... she dont really have to do anything much.... all she have to do is wake up and eat than go to work....is not that my sister is lazy or whatever but my mom just dont want her to do it... my mom thought it would be to much for her soo... she rather do it.... parents love you they dont hate you they just want the best for you that is all... it ture like what you said... parents just want to protected you.... they dont want any bad things to happen to you....paj sua yaj said:i think that everyone has a point.....i am not a parent and i still live with my parents....but i live at school most...of my times....i would go home every weekend.....i use to think that i want to get away from my parents when i grow up...not by marriage but i want to go to college far away that i don't have to follow my parents rule....but after all those year away i still visite my parents every week......my college is about 6 hours drive home but still i go home very friday.....i don't know if the ladies in here that got married think the same like me...but i at time...i really miss my parents...and by living on your own you will come to learn that what your parents did from you as a samll child....was something that you will never forget....sometimes i miss how the are over protected......while i learn how to be my self...i have also, learned how to love my parents more then i have ever thought....at times now i thinkto my self why i use to think that they are soo strick...it just how they are OVER PROTECTED.....they want the best out of you.....
will kind of out of the subject....when i was watching the OUTSIDER....the movie had shown a lot of views that made me understand more of my parents...the real world is not what you think it is......there are many things that you have to learn step by step....don't take big step....because you may fall and never have the chance to stand up agian.....or if you have the chance...hope that you will learn from it and improve it...for the future......
that is what i have learn from living away from my parents.....i have to protect my self...and learned how to be an adult at the same time.....hope that from this experince i would never what to stay away for my parents......
what ever way your parents teach you i think that they are tell you in a good way.....but its just the way they tell you!!!!!!!
i understant that as a teen you will never understand your parents...becuase they did not grow up in the world that you grow up in......i don't know if this feeling would help you...undertand your parents feeling more.....but many older people had tell me that once you become a parent then you will understand why your parents was like that to you too.......
[post="114014"][/post]
leek18
sarNie Adult
great job paj sua, well all u did was great. i used to act like you but now i change but still fighting with my parents. i really want to moved out in my family because i look like a child who was left behind in the family and yeah i was sad and i really want to moved out but too bad that i don't have a car or a jobs so i decided to stay with my parents. when i got a car and a jobs, i'm gonna move out (for real) because i look like somebody who was left behind and nobody care about me and everybody hates me in the family but except my 2nd sisters, she really nice to me and always do what i want. well this is my secret that i keep a long time ago and i am going move out and live in a apartment near my school. this is really my secret, so i decided to tell you guys. i will never tell to my parents.
paj sua yaj said:i think that everyone has a point.....i am not a parent and i still live with my parents....but i live at school most...of my times....i would go home every weekend.....i use to think that i want to get away from my parents when i grow up...not by marriage but i want to go to college far away that i don't have to follow my parents rule....but after all those year away i still visite my parents every week......my college is about 6 hours drive home but still i go home very friday.....i don't know if the ladies in here that got married think the same like me...but i at time...i really miss my parents...and by living on your own you will come to learn that what your parents did from you as a samll child....was something that you will never forget....sometimes i miss how the are over protected......while i learn how to be my self...i have also, learned how to love my parents more then i have ever thought....at times now i thinkto my self why i use to think that they are soo strick...it just how they are OVER PROTECTED.....they want the best out of you.....
will kind of out of the subject....when i was watching the OUTSIDER....the movie had shown a lot of views that made me understand more of my parents...the real world is not what you think it is......there are many things that you have to learn step by step....don't take big step....because you may fall and never have the chance to stand up agian.....or if you have the chance...hope that you will learn from it and improve it...for the future......
that is what i have learn from living away from my parents.....i have to protect my self...and learned how to be an adult at the same time.....hope that from this experince i would never what to stay away for my parents......
what ever way your parents teach you i think that they are tell you in a good way.....but its just the way they tell you!!!!!!!
i understant that as a teen you will never understand your parents...becuase they did not grow up in the world that you grow up in......i don't know if this feeling would help you...undertand your parents feeling more.....but many older people had tell me that once you become a parent then you will understand why your parents was like that to you too.......
[post="114014"][/post]
YEAH..everyone is judgemental..i agree..i do too....but parent just cant expect their kids to be perfect...this is 2006 and they have to realize that this generation is not like it use to be.....its not a big deal...to have more than one peircing and have different color hair other than black....as long as they are good..stay home all the time dont go out...etc...=)