WHY AM I SO PASSIVE?

[yingerbug]

People keep telling me that I am so PASSIVE... In my mind and heart its a feeling of kindness and helping others who need it. I dont see that I am really that PASSIVE; am I? Yes, it is true that I do let people take advantage of me and ask me to do everything they want and lend anything to them and etc... But see... THIS IS HOW I SEE IT... Growing up in a BIG family with 10 kids; my parent could only give so much to each child... Being one of the 10 that never got much I learned to be this way... I was never given much of anything growing up so now that Ima an adult I want to be able to give to others who dont have. I never liked the way I was treated growing up so I dont want to treat my family and friends that way. If someone I knew needed money I lend; if someone needed food I gave; and if someone needed help I supported. But when it comes down to me; when I am at most lowest point in life, finally there is someone to lend a helping hand; but everyone alwaise seem to watch me suffer first. It makes me so sad that I have helped so many and yet I never receive when I need it the most...
Deep in my heart if I was sharing food with anyone; whether it may be my parents or friends and I know that they have worked so hard I would let them eat their fill even if I am starving. I dont know how to adjust myself and accept anything. Its so difficult... People keep telling me I am too PASSIVE; that I need to change. But if I change, how and wat would really happen to me? Could they accept me? So many questions roam in my mind... I dare not change because I can admit... I AM SCARE OF CHANGE...

 

[ohitsnoyyy]

It just seems like you're just too nice. Nothing is wrong with being too nice, but people can mistake your "niceness" for being naive or weak. You just gotta learn how to say no. I understand that people need help with their problems but sometimes you gotta think for yourself, love yourself & help yourself before you help others. You're letting people become to dependent on you. They know they can always count on you & so they take advantage of it.

I've been in your situation before. I'm a nice person, I give to my friends whenever they need my help. I've given money, given a lending hand, been there for people in their toughest times but when it comes down to me, they don't give a rat's ass. So what's a person to do? --Just say forget it. You gotta work for yourself first, put yourself first. If you feel like you're being taken advantage of, tell them.


I mean, a person can only give so much. You gotta change your mindset. You say you don't like change, but you're never gonna learn if you don't adjust yourself. Change doesn't happen overnight--well I mean in some situation it can-- it takes time. Just take it one day at a time. Saying No is hard to do, especially when it comes to your friends.

I remember once I let my friend borrow my camera-- he ended up breaking my camera... <_< I knew I shouldn't have let him borrow it but if I had said no, I would've felt bad.

But anywhos, back to the point-- changes take time. I use to not want to change, but as life goes on & as you grow older, you realize that change isn't all that bad. Change isn't always bad, there's good chance too. Such as changing your way of thinking. If you're always thinking negatively or bad of yourself, of course you're gonna think you're not worth anything. But once you change that mindset of yours, things will get better.

I hope i make sense... i'm just rambling here. hehe.

 

[lady_sati]

cause your name is Ying, huh?

im exactly that way too.
i see it as being nice too.
and i think it's more of a self control thing too.
we give cause we can live without it.

*rants in her head*

just know your limits and when to say No.
if it's something you feel like you can do, then do it.
but it's okay to say No too.
try it, it's good too.

good luck.
take care.

 

[mintwix]

Don't change if it makes you feel uncomfortable in your own skin.

Does it matter if people accept you or not?

What should matter is that you accept yourself.

If people's telling you to change, are they accepting you for who you are NOW?

So why should you change for them?

What do YOU want?

Just don't think too much. Learn how to be a little selfish. But don't completely change. If that makes sense.

 

[yingerbug]

cause your name is Ying, huh?

im exactly that way too.
i see it as being nice too.
and i think it's more of a self control thing too.
we give cause we can live without it.

*rants in her head*

just know your limits and when to say No.
if it's something you feel like you can do, then do it.
but it's okay to say No too.
try it, it's good too.

good luck.
take care.

LOL... Yuppers my name is YING... Let me guess... Ur name is also YING... Wow... If so its really wierd that maybe most YING do feel/act similar... lol...

Thanks for the inputs ohitsnoyyy, lady_sati and mintwix! Appreciated much... Thanks!

 

[little]

I'm too like u nice,naive just picture the world nicely. I always help others, lending money to friends and family so many times just hard to say no. But my friend borrow me money like many times, things and never paid me yet and kept on borrowing even on Indepedence day when she always said she needed to pay bills I find that suspicious and at that time she was just dating but why even though u don't have money why not let your man pays for it. Talking about friends I'm sick of it I don't even care anymore to tell u the truth I think that I rather be away from friends cuz they'll end up borrowing your money, things, also they have their own family so I don't even want to fuss with them. As long as I have my family and the things I like to do I'm happy. Right now I tried to please myself and not others as much especially friends I don't wnat to care. I tell myself I don't want to be a good person anymore say no to others.