what would you do???

[bugsy]

Okay...wanna know what i think? I think you should totally say "NO!!"

I dont believe in that fortune telling crap. And even if it were true just a little...pleaseee....realistically speaking...we make our own choices, for better or worse. Yes, there's a lingering of superstition but c'mon....this is marriage and its a big step. Don't tell me your going for it without knowing the dude just cause your palm said so. Sorry if im not as sensitive as the others but hey...Im just saying....you cant just depend on that alone.

Plus!! He JUST met you! What kind of wacko would want to marry you right off the bat unless hes desperate or wants something. Sorry for the harsh words but even with the palm reading, I aint saying yes to anybody I JUST met for a couple of hours. And consider this....if you two were to get married, he wants you on the plane to him. He doesnt even want to come and wed you the right way. Is that right? If he's all good and great like you said, wouldnt he want to pay respects and do it traditionally correct? Plus, he's older too...so whats he hiding? He should know better.

Okay...so you're 20 and lifes moving along...but 20 aint that old. Can you really imagine a life with the dude another 20 years from now? If anything, at least get to know the dude first before you decide your life away. Marriage could either be a blessing or hell.

Im sorry Im not as traditional or sympathetic but hey...Im still speaking cause im trying to help. I seriously think you should really consider everything before you make a serious move. Unless you have different goals in life or different values or watever.....but watever....nevertheless, I just hope you make a good choice that will make you happy.

 

[Quiet-ness]

Okay...wanna know what i think? I think you should totally say "NO!!"

I dont believe in that fortune telling crap. And even if it were true just a little...pleaseee....realistically speaking...we make our own choices, for better or worse. Yes, there's a lingering of superstition but c'mon....this is marriage and its a big step. Don't tell me your going for it without knowing the dude just cause your palm said so. Sorry if im not as sensitive as the others but hey...Im just saying....you cant just depend on that alone.

Plus!! He JUST met you! What kind of wacko would want to marry you right off the bat unless hes desperate or wants something. Sorry for the harsh words but even with the palm reading, I aint saying yes to anybody I JUST met for a couple of hours. And consider this....if you two were to get married, he wants you on the plane to him. He doesnt even want to come and wed you the right way. Is that right? If he's all good and great like you said, wouldnt he want to pay respects and do it traditionally correct? Plus, he's older too...so whats he hiding? He should know better.

Okay...so you're 20 and lifes moving along...but 20 aint that old. Can you really imagine a life with the dude another 20 years from now? If anything, at least get to know the dude first before you decide your life away. Marriage could either be a blessing or hell.

Im sorry Im not as traditional or sympathetic but hey...Im still speaking cause im trying to help. I seriously think you should really consider everything before you make a serious move. Unless you have different goals in life or different values or watever.....but watever....nevertheless, I just hope you make a good choice that will make you happy.

Wow. Bugsy took some of my thoughts.

I don't mean to bring judgment to your aunt, but people can say whatever they want by looking at your tarot cards or palm. A Chinese girl wanted to read my palm once and I didn't resist knowing that it was all based on the interpretations of the lines on your hands which was basically the same for everyone. Can everyone check to see if there are 3 major big lines that run across your palms? (Please don't answer that if you know better.) She said that my life is the middle line in the palm and that the line that crosses my life line is school and she said that at the moment, I'm worried about school which is so obvious because I am in school. Tell me something I don't know. Anyways, I don't believe in anything that "suppose" to tell you about your future. Your future depends on what you do today not some kind of "communication device" to take you into time.

The old man sounds desperate to have you. I wonder why. Why the rush? Men, I tell you, are always in a rush once they hit that point in life to settle down before it's too late for them. I don't know what they'll be late for, but obviously it's so urgent that they'll take whoever that comes in their way. Let me tell you something...he is only being so nice and gentleman-like to you so that you'll like him and marry him. Don't let that fool you. People are always making sure the first impression is real good. It takes a long time to know someone not just for a couple hours. I mean two people can click in a couple of hours, but their lifestories take longer. BTW, I think he is really hiding something from you at his home. It's possible that he may even have a family or a wife. Perhaps he was just messing with you for the time being. We'll never know.

Bugsy made some good points. I hope you'll consider it. As for your friend, he is a jerk. Lose all connections with him because he is not a good person by his careless behavior and attitude towards you. People like that will always hurt you.

I hope nothing happen between you and the old man that you're able to read the afterposts since you last posted in this thread.

 

[moonfaerrie]

yeah, i have had a few blind dates and friends wanting me to go with their "super nice" friends. but turned out, they are not as nice as i thought they are. it is best to get to know the person first. you can't just depend everything on what people said, cause hey when a guy wants a gilr, that guy might be nice to that girl's friends and family till when he gets her and then you see the true person that he is and it might be too late, so yes, wait. and man, i don't know, but i don't believe in love at first sight (glance). i think love is in the personality and you don't know how a person is until you get to know them. also, i have had so many guys telling me they want to marry me and they love me after meeting for just a little while, but i don't believe that, cause like i said they don't even know how i am, what if i am an evil person. some guys are desperate and will say anything but some may believe that it's true (few). but usually those guys who "fall" for you so quick don't last too long, so wait and see how long he last, that's what i always say.

 

[dynomite]

Don't know much about Hmong culture, but 20 is too young growing up in the states to be thinking of marriage.

Most of my friends who got married that young are suffering. But just remember, there is no such thing as a happy marriage.

Take a look at your parents. Are they happily married? It's human nature to just learn to tolerate one another. That's why when you get older, you don't see many having sex anymore. 555

He obviously doesn't know what he's talking about if he proposed to you over a few hours unless his family and your family know each other and he's done his research on your background.

That or you are willing to have a very long engagement either from your side or his.

Age should not be an issue (555... he's my age) so that maybe a bias. But you know... Indian culture discussions with friends at UCLA would tell me that those marriages last longer because you learn to love each other in the marriage and its harder to give up because you are married. Where as American culture, people date for ages and why US marriages are 50/50 for divorce.

But rushing... give me a break. Older men don't need to rush. We have no biological clocks ticking and our sperms work until the end of time. :^P We don't need to rush... unless we don't want anyone stealing what's good. So if that's the case... wow... you must be some hot stuff. :^P

Best of luck... I would consult your bigger sisters or people who know you and comfort you and protect you from any pressures to push you into the relationship such as your aunt.

And besides... instead of being scared... investigate his background, and his friends. You have a say just as much as anyone. Don't act like a weakling... especially if you are a homebody and want to have kids. Otherwise... your kids will definitely walk ALL OVER YOU! I know I would :^P

 

[Wai Wai Noodles]

i say...DITCH THE GUY!!!...he's hmong...enough said... =P

LOLOL!!! Pa, you hater

I'm glad I'm not a Hmoob male or you'll never ever love me


Pandabear :

You're only 20, so why the rush and worries about marrying this old guy? LOL

Agreed with Quiet-ness, he does "sound" a bit desperate...Ughhh!

You have all rights to say "NO" because it seems to me that you're feeling quite reluctant to commit to something serious like marriage.

You need your space and time to get to know him, "I love you"...umm who doesnt know how to say that?

Trust your instincts, if you think that you're not ready for him, then by all means tell him so.

Hopefully, it's not mandatory just because your aunt read your palm and seen all these "goodies" in your near future with him.

Like Mai said, start with the bf / gf relationship and test out the water.

Men or women, some are so deceiving these days and they know how to manipulate people / situations to gain what they want.

He may "seem" like the "perfect" husband or possesses such characteristics that makes him stand out from your perspective, but dont be bias.

A chameleon cant "camouflage" their bad qualities / habits for long especially in environments that they dont "belong"...soon, their true self will unveil.

That's why you need to keep your options open and give yourself a chance to actually learn of this "stranger" that wants to become a part of your life.

Dont rob yourself from that opportunity.

Marriage is an ongoing marathon not a quick little sprint.

 

[YM_gurl]

guys are liars.. especially the ones that seen you for the very first time & they tell you they like/love you already.. what a jerk! freakin' liar! though, you do know.. older men nowadays, when they start talking to girls..they expect "marriage" ~ start a family..so if you're into that.. go for it! j/k..

anyway, i think you should get to know him.. for at least three years or even more.. see if you two have things in common.. i know couples whose married today and has nothing in common..to tell u the truth, they actually regret marrying their husband. lol..

so yeah, get to know.. and oh yeah, don't let people read your palm.. that's a no no no... some people probably do know how but they could wipe it away.. so yeah, so let anyone read your palm.. good luck.

 

[mayyang]

okay you guys, I just meet this guy like for a couple of hours and he really likes me and wants to marry me. I have never meet anyone who would express his feelings the way he did. I know that my heart right now can't really accept him . He is ten years older than me and has never been married before. He seems like he will be a great husband who will love me all the way. He has everything already but not a family of his own. As for me, I really want someone that I have feelings for and I don't care if he is a broke dude because if I love someone, I will always love them. I know that he has everything and all but I feel like I'm just not really feeling it. One of my aunt who can tell palms said that if I was to marry him, I am lucky and our hands look the same and that she has never seem hands like that before too and that if we get marry, our life will be good. Do you guys think that we are meant to be??? My aunt also said that at first, I will not really love him and want to marry him but after a year or two, I will really love him and that people will be jealous of our life. Can you guys believe it, the first time meeting him, he wanted to marry me already and i guess loves me already. He also texted me and ask me to marry him. He is soo sweet and nice and all but my heart is crying out loud saying why, why, why. I have such bad luck!!!!!!!!! To me, I don't even judge but hmong guys are always picking that they would judge hmong girls and then make a decision. Like I was starting to like this guy who i TALKED TO ON THE phone for like two months and meet him and he was not even great looking but I started to like him because of the faces he made and the way he talked. I know that he is not from the best family and all but I still accepted him but guess what!!!! That asshole judged me and cancel the plan and then made excuses that he was busy and bought me something when he ditched me and my friends who he is also friends with to be with his homeboys. He said that he feels bad and sorry that he didn't spend aot of times with me. I want to believe that he is a good guy and believe his words because before I meet him, he wants someone who is honest and he can trust. His words sound so true but his actions are totally the opposite. I know that we are only friends but damn!!! he is fucked up, mess-up, and an asshole. This is not how a friend treat his/her friends. My friends are mad at him too and they told me some stuff about him and his family to me to stop me from talking o him and be his friend but I was like then why did you guys introduce me to him in the first place and all they can say is that they didn't know that he would turn out to be an asshole like that too. I know that my friends feel bad for me and damn I also feel b ad for my self for started falling for him. I told my friends to give the thing he bought me back to him and I am not going to talk to him again because he hurted me and my friends. It would just be a waste of time talking to him as a friend because I sure don't want a friend like him. What do you guys think about this friend????
Back to the who who really wants to marry me, what would you guys do???? You know that he will always love you and treat you right eventhough he is ten years older. Don't forget about the palm hand reading too
[/quote

pandabear, I'll not saying too much like others that response to your thought. but
I suggestion that you should married to the guys that love you more than you love him.
so in the future, your life will last longer even though you only known him not long enough.
and the one that you known him longer and you started to love him at the first sight that
will turn out of luck, I mean if you married him not last long. the man that is ten years older than you, that is the right guy for you bcause him know what to responsible for when you needed him and he'll be there for you such as sick or family matter. I'm not beleive in palm hand reading bcause that will bring you unluck and you already have a fear that its could help to you what they told you that's why. I will not beleive palm hand reading. ooops..! and talking ahout the guys wanted to buying you a plane ticket and fly to him instead he come over to your house. I suggest that you are a woman you must wait for him come to you, not you go to him, bcause I have seen this case before on my own eyes, even though you do not know me but i just want you to know and have a good long life in the future. but one thing, I must sharing with u be 4 you make the wrong decision: one of my sister, she has the same case like you now, she started to love the guys at the first sight and he said very nice things to her....etc and she fallen in love with him, so not long enough in the same year, he asked her to married him and she said, Ok and they have been married for 3 years afterall and then they got divorced and the reason why? bcause he told her that he did not like her in the way and who told her that he really what to married her and he said, she made her own decision to married him. after the problem have been taking care of and they asked him they why? they don't have any kids and he told them that he does not what her to carry his baby. and a year later one guys falling in with her and asked her to married him and he also said that doesn't matter if she already has a pass life before and all he needed is a home woman and take a good care of his kids and if she decide to work up to her, they decided to married and now they have 4 kids,( 2 boys and 2 girls). Now, my case, I had the same case like you now, I have been married to the guys that he gives me more love or attention first than I give to him and this does not mean that i did not care about him, of course, I care about him, but not more than he gives to me. when we first meet, he started like more than I like and ask the question like your 2nd boyfriend ask you. and we didn't know each other long enough and he asked me to married. so I have made my own decision without asked any one else or palm hand reading too. but now I have been married for 18 years and had 4 childrens(2-boys&2-girls)
my first one is a boy and now he is 16 years old. and everythings that more 5lb he carry for me and if I did not ask for help he do it for me and even middle of night i been sick, asked him that I want to eat something feeling in my mouth and he went to the store buying for me and he said I all his life so whatever desired he will give to me if possible if he can be one.
Pandabear, I only sharing my life and my sister life to you and you will make your choice, so like others said no one cannot make a choice for you. but if I were you. I go for the one that started to like me more than I like him. I hoping you will choose the right man in your life.
!...........GOOD LUCK........!

 

[anjos]

all i can say is think it looooong and hard before you dieced to do anything. getting marry is easy and not for fun. you stuck w/ him for the rest of your rest....... and as for old peopel say you dont just marry to him you are marry to his whole family....... and inlaw can be a pain... but if he really ment to be your husband than you can do much about it........ it true......that you longer you are w/ him the more you going t fall in w/ him........ as for me...... i didnt love my husband at frist but now........ i do..... i cant picture myself live w/out him........ back to your iss. willl...... it good to marry someone that had everything and you dont have to worry about anything...... but also love does play a big role tooo........ like what other say...... get to know him more..... you never know what going to happen....... lastly follow your heat........

 

[mai92]

I think that getting married is a good idea and bad idea, because you only met him once.. and he wanted to marry you.... this seems like a game only.. i doesn't sound like he is really intrested in you ( this doesn't mean in a bad way don't think wrong).. also starting a life without your parents are harsh.. I think that you should not married him...BUT on the other hand i think that you should marry him too.. because guys that love you more are better and they loved you more than others do.... I don't really know what to say.. I am really not sure.. about this...

 

[baby_jen04]

i say...DITCH THE GUY!!!...he's hmong...enough said... =P

LOL.........

 

[Alhambra1]

Dude, 20 is way too young for marriage, I don't know what the right age for marriage in the Hmong culture, but 20 is too young. I'm 25, and marriage is still the last thing on my mind. Go to college, get your degree and then take a year off and travel, see the world before you settle down. Trust me once you see the rest of the world, you will think twice about marrying at the age of 20. Hope this help, good luck!!! B)