Living in hell

[nkaujhmooblauj]

lol. don't jinx me...
** crossing fingers **
pretend i married my current bf right now..
his mom seems cool.. she's pretty young.. ahaha.. only 38 yrs old
my bf is 21 in august...
from my observations...
i think older in-laws are more strict because of the generation they were born in...
my parents are sooooo old school....

 

[masusanlee]

oh my goodness!!!! you're life is like my mom's life... even to this VERY day, my grandma acts the same darn way.. she always have something negative to say about my mom, and if it doesn't hurt my mom enough, she just LOVES to tell the whole world how much of a bad daughter-in-law my mom is.. and of course, i love my grandma to death, but she always disrespect my mom like that.. i hate her for that.. the things that she does towards my mom effects me more than the love that she personally gives to me, my siblings, and my dad... why can't she just accept the fact that now my mom is her freaking daughter-in-law and she deserves the respect that she wants after over 20 years of losing face to my relatives??? why?? is it really that much to ask??? and my grandma acts as if she's a little child who uses her son(my dad) to defend her in everything she do???

*sigh* I personally, 100% understand what you are going through.. and i don't want to scare you, but as a grand-daughter, i know it will effect very much of your kids' life if this continues, unless of course you are able to escape away from this woman.. and i don't want to sound like she's the devil, but whatever that she is doing, is just WRONG, plain WRONG! Growing up, knowing that my grandma was like this towards my mom, my parents hardly got along with each other... it was sad! and even to this day, my grandma doesn't know when to stop! she continues talking to ppl about my mom, and it really hurts my feeling knowing this.. also, my grandma is the type that loves to hang up on ppl on purpose whenever someone piss her off the phone... and that makes me even hate her more... and yeah, it really angers me....

p.s. i hope that you will be able to fight off this problem, and live on with your life.. if you want to stay in this marriage, you have to wake up your husband to see the truth, and stand up for yourself when your mother-in-law is lying... don't be afraid..... good luck!

 

[mainhiathao]

i'll married old man...i hate marring at a younge age...cause u can't really do nothing about it...all they say to you is...oh ur ot grown up yet u dunno anying about being a sis-n-law...somthin like that...oggies can get on nevers sometimes...or all the time..not being mean to them but i do respect them..i just hate the peeps who don't respect me...
well, i'm lucky i'm not marry yet...hopefully...i'd maryy at age like 24-30...even thought i'm old i'll now more...then oogies expect u more..

 

[debbieyanglove]

I HOPE THE BEST FOR YOU.
SHE HATED YOUR OTHER SIS-IN-LAW AND YOU?
SHE NEED SOME HELP.
AND NOT TO TELL YOU TO DO IT...BUT..
IF YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE AND SEE WHAT YOU DO..
HE IS ALSO WRONG.
YOU DESERVE BETTER.
THAT IS WHY I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRY UNTIL
30..EVEN IF IT IS OLD..I WANT MY FUN ADVENTURIOUS LIVE.
HOPE EVERYONE THAT IS IN THIS SITUATION WELL
SEE BETTER AND DESERVE BETTER.

 

[kulyia]

sadly... I guess your only solution is to marry a boy w/o a mommy... just kidding.

Mother in laws can be a pain but they have their positives too... My mother in law passed away 5 months after I married my husband, and the family life was really difficult without her in the family after she passed.... so you never realize what you have until its gone. Don't be ungrateful - even for bad things. (that goes for everybody)

how sad...im real younge myself and not planning to get marry and settle down.ur right that every mother in law has a positive and a negative to herself.ive heard goods and bad from whoever.even from my own nyab..i dislike her because she dont do a thing and she always go out and leave her baby for us to care..and she wants another one when she know my mom is in her mid 50s and has back pain..shes the only one that looks out for the brats.anyhow..everyone has their own good and bads...sorry for ur lost.

 

[mainhiathao]

yeah...thats sad..situation

 

[mly]

I feel your pain sister. I've been there and is still living it. Instead of a MIL, it's my FIL. So far he hasn't complain that I don't cook for him, but in the past he had said alot of hurtful stuff about me and my hubby to other people. Even to my own mother, but luckily I warn her first and she sided with us all the way. That's why his daughter's in-laws hates my parents. Since then, life with him is a whole lot different. I don't cook for him anymore cause he won't eat it. He's been very ill in the past years and we try to cook him healthy food. But he doesn't touch it. When I complain to my hubby about it, he tells me not to cook for his old man. But as tus nyab, I feel bad for letting him cook for himself. All his life, my MIL cooked for him. After she left him, he was left to do everything on his own, in the laziest way possible. (Now I know why she left him.)

My hubby has told me plenty of times assuring me that he chooses me over his family. He is willing to disown them, that's how bad life is with them. We have SILs that only cares about their father when he's sick in the hospital. They visit and stay with him so if he has visitors, it will make them look good like they really love him alot. In the past they had sided with him, but he has lived with one after the other and now they don't want nothing to do with him, cause they really know the true side of him. They were so happy when we took him back in with us. They even end up "kinda" caring about us. So, chin up! Life will get better. I'm still waiting, you're not alone.

Talk to your husband about your feelings. If it doesn't work, then do what some has suggested. Go to his relatives and talk to them. Don't rant about your MIL or that will make your MIL look good. Just tell them that you don't know what to do because you can never make her happy. For them to talk to her to see what you can do to make her happy. (It's just to make you look good. I know it will never work. But that way they will say Nyab is a good person who IS trying.) If that doesn't work, then call your parents and see what they say. Good luck, cause that's what I'm waiting for.

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

We have SILs that only cares about their father when he's sick in the hospital. They visit and stay with him so if he has visitors, it will make them look good like they really love him alot. In the past they had sided with him, but he has lived with one after the other and now they don't want nothing to do with him, cause they really know the true side of him. They were so happy when we took him back in with us. They even end up "kinda" caring about us. So, chin up! Life will get better. I'm still waiting, you're not alone.

OMG!
i have some 2 faced people in my family that were like this when my mom was in the hospital too
step sister and brother in law... that's probably why...
still ticks me off!!

 

[xxmiss_maixx]

eventhough i am not married and is only 16,
i feel like that with my grandma.
i am probably the least favorite grandchild of my grandma.
my grandma even cursed me that when she died "she'll come back and ride in my sleep"
my grandma will go and b*tch and gossip about me to the world!
my grandma will tell everybody how lazy i am and how nobody loves her.
the lists goes on forever.
sometimes i dont even care anymore that i feel like dying.
my grandma only has two sons that are alive, including my dad.
when i was younger and didnt know a thing about the world, my grandma loved me because she was able to manipulate me.
during that time, my grandma lived with my uncle (my dad's older brother) and my aunt.
however, some drama happened and my grandma came and lived with us.
my dad, my four brothers, my grandma and i live in a 3 bedroom duplex.
i share a bedroom with my grandma.
ever since we moved in next door to my aunt (my dad's older sister) i realize how things are so different and things got even worse.
i'm a fulltime highschool student. school exhausts me to the max and i usually takes naps when i come home from school and then start doing hw. before i will always cook breakfast and dinner but since nobody eat with me i stopped cooking. my grandma tells me i'm so lazy and all those BS.
sometimes my dad and i will get into an agrument, she will purposely walk in the room sit on the couch and eavesdropp on the conversation and then go next door and tell my aunt. since i share a room with my grandma and our house is really small, my grandma knows every single move that i make, what time i came home last night what time i came to bed and etc.
my grandma also plays favorites. my grandma likes my older cousins because they are highly educated and buys her stuff. so my grandma is always comparing me to my cousins.
i'm pretty sure all you would probably say "oh she's old. she's just cranky."
really its not that. its a bigger picture that i can describe but you will have to see it and live it.
it gotten so bad that i just wanna go jump off a bridge and kill myself or something
i finally understood what my aunt was going through when my grandma was living with them
living with my grandma had made me realize that if this is what i have to put up with when i marry a hmong guy then i'm better off not marrying a hmong guy.

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

some people in families are just 2 faced
they act all nice around you.. but then go out and gossip
i always tell myself this...
"people will always talk.. so you might as well give them something to talk about.."
like we do in here on sarn...
we will always talk.. gossip.. critcize people...
that's just what we do...
i don't know about others.. but i'm here to kill time...

 

[mly]

xxmiss_maixx, not all in-laws are like that. just those that wants you to listen to them and give them everything they want. my advice is, if you don't want to marry a hmong guy, it's fine as long as the non-hmong guy loves and respect you for who you are. but if you do want to marry a hmong guy, look for one that does not have parents. or they are so old they rather stay with the other siblings.

i never experience both my grandma's love. they both lived in asia. my dad's mama died before i was born and i only hear and see movies of my mum's mama, who passed away 3 yrs ago. i'm sorry that she is giving you a hard life. just find comfort in your aunt who has experience it before. maybe that will bring you two closer. about the curse thingy, if you did nothing wrong to her, her curse won't do a darn thing to you. just be a good daughter like always. it matter what your father think about you, not an old cranky lady who might not live long enough to see you be successful. sorry if you get offended by any comments.

 

[xxmiss_maixx]

mly14,
i'm not offended at all.
i have been so fed up with it that i dont talk to my grandma at all. the only time that i talk to her is when i answers her question. i talk to my dad about. he agrees with me but with my grandma and aunt controlling him, he doesnt really know which side to take.
like nkaujhmooblauj said "ppl will always talk so might as will give them something to talk about"
now i go to bed as late as i want
i stay up as late as i want
do as i want
and dont give a heck what she thinks because even if i do good deeds, in her eyes its nothing. according to her I'm a good for nothing daugther.
i finally figure that she puts herself in her position. she isolate herself from the rest of the world.

 

[mainhiathao]

i'd chok her to death....j/p....sorry didn't mean to say that but the's hecka of an oggi..