Is what I'm doing wrong?

[the_one]

Ok well I need help, I was thinking what I am going to do is it wrong? Here's my story.

Well I am going to visit my bf out of the state alone at first I was not planning to tell her and have my 3 best friends cover for me, but then I felt bad for hiding this from my mom and what if something happen and they don't know where I really am, so I decided to tell my mom the truth and now she is not letting me go. I will be traveling alone and I told her when and when I will leave and come back, at first she was kinda ok with it but the next day she told me I cannot go because it will be a disgrace to my family. And that I should listen to what she is saying and not go. I understand where she is coming from but the reason why I don't want to listen to her about me not going is because i am 20 years old I have been listening to my mom all these years that I never did anything without her permission. I always ask her first before doing anything and now I think I am old enough to make my own decision I did tell her too but she does not understand. So I was wondering what I am going to do is it wrong?

 

[babe_girl]

well i think it was a good thing you told her. why not have your bf come see you instead?

 

[KEdoubleNY]

well i think it was a good thing you told her. why not have your bf come see you instead?

I 2nd that. Ur bf suppose to come see you ... not you go see him. It's not just a disgrace to your family but also people will look down on you. They will say all kind of things ... even ur so call friends will gossip about it.

 

[princess87]

my advice, Never tell the complete truth unless you know for 100% sure she's going to let you go. Also, I don't think it's a big deal for the girl to visit the guy, just not all the time and don't stay the night.

 

[YM_gurl]

Ok well I need help, I was thinking what I am going to do is it wrong? Here's my story.

Well I am going to visit my bf out of the state alone at first I was not planning to tell her and have my 3 best friends cover for me, but then I felt bad for hiding this from my mom and what if something happen and they don't know where I really am, so I decided to tell my mom the truth and now she is not letting me go. I will be traveling alone and I told her when and when I will leave and come back, at first she was kinda ok with it but the next day she told me I cannot go because it will be a disgrace to my family. And that I should listen to what she is saying and not go. I understand where she is coming from but the reason why I don't want to listen to her about me not going is because i am 20 years old I have been listening to my mom all these years that I never did anything without her permission. I always ask her first before doing anything and now I think I am old enough to make my own decision I did tell her too but she does not understand. So I was wondering what I am going to do is it wrong?

Good thing you told your mom, like you said. Just in case something happens, your parents will know where you are and plus good thing you told your parents, so just in case something happens. your parents will know where to find your body.
*sorry, got that line from one of my h.s teachers lol its VERY true*

Anyways you are 20 and i think you have the right to make your own decision. But like all the girl's have said.
Why go visit your boyfriend? why not have him come visit you? btw how long have you known your bf?
is this your first time meeting your bf?
I hope not. If it is, you should think twice if you are planning to go no matter what. And be very cautious too.
And wherever you are going, do you have relatives there?
If so, your parents should let you go. You can stay with them while your bf comes visit you. If not, you should
not go at all. Because yes it will give your family a bad name and of course yourself. plus don't visit a guy,
let them visit you, that way you are important to them. Plus, you know how hmong people are. lol they will gossip
gossip. heheee

By the way, don't be blind by love. Your family, especially your parents will forever be by your side
but a boyfriend. nope. So, i hope you make the right choice. keep us updated if you decide to go or not.

 

[ddawbb]

umm.. i dont even think u should go. ur mom was doing the right thing.
the BF should be visiting you.

 

[the_one]

thanks everybody for posting your opinions. well yes i have relatives there and my plan is to go over to my aunts house so it will be closer for him to see me and plus i want to be there for the family new year.

YM_gurl: This will be my first time seeing him again for 6 months since he left for college but we have been together for 2 years now. we met back in high school and just got seperated when he left for college.

i am still unsure if i will be going but i will update if i decided to go or not. Thanks again!

 

[zienan09]

aww..
wells..hopefully something works out one way or another..*wishing the best for you*
<<and dont sweat it..parents are always like that..i've always been a "momma's girl" like my friends say..and even now when im away for college, i feel its best to let my mom knows whats going on..she's starting to slowly accept it and let me do my things..it just takes time for ur parents to realize ur growing up>>

 

[hlubkoj]

its a good thing that you told your mom of what you are going to do....if you leave without telling them they will be really worry about you......you dont know if other people will talk bad thing about you behid your back....cause now of days....there is a lot of people likes to do that....they will make it worse than what you have done....and you wouldnt be able to hold it......you shouldnt go and meet your bf by yourself....to me i think its a bad idea to do so....you dont really know what will happen to you....it is good of nothing happen to you....what if something bad happen to you....you wont know what to do cause you are far away from your family and really scared......your cousin wouldnt know much to do too.....they will have to call your family and talk about what happen to you.....they will be very sad and they will get very anger to you.....you should let your bf come to see you instead you go...because if you do that......for example.....if you got marry to him in the future.....and somewhere in the future you guys got a misunderstanding he would said that you were the one that likes him every much thats y you were willing to come and see him....even though he live far from you.....and not him come to see you.....and you will lost the fight with him....cause you did that....even you ask your in laws to help you they wouldnt said much because you where the one that came to see their son in the first place......so you shouldnt go.....cause you dont know if he will love you until the day you left this world.....cause people change a lot.....today is not like tomorrow.....they world wont stop turnning...if you want the world to.....i have a cousin they is like that....but its a guy.....he went to see his gf a lot when they didnt get marry.....and my sis in law came to see him a lot too....when they got marry they have a lot of agreement and they fight a lot.....when they get mad a eachother they wont listen to anyone until his dad and my dad told them.....to remeber the day when my cousin bro cant come to see her....she come to see him at his house.....when she came to see my cousin bro....my dad told her that my cousin is really lazy....she thought that it was not true....but it is.....my dad ask her if she remeber what my dad told her....and she told my dad she did......and she even said that what my dad said was true about my cousin bro.....its her fulse for not to listen in the first place.....when my cousin bro's dad and my dad said that they stop fighting because they really did that when they are not marry.....so right now they stop fight a little bit....and didnt come to see my cousin bro's family that much......

i know what you mean that you are already 20 year old.....i so too going to be 20 year old next year....whatever i do i have to tell my mom and dad what i am doing.......if i want to go somewhere i have to ask my mom and dad if they let me go....if they didnt i stop going because i know that they know what is right and wrong.....even though we are old enough...but sometime we dont know what is right and wrong when we get into the fun....if you do a mistake its really hard for you to trun back.....sometime i think like you too....i am old enough to look after myself and i dont need help from my dad and mom.....sometime i got mad that they wont let me do what i want to do......because of what other poeple said.....there is freedom in this world.....but when i rethink about it....it is wrong......but i dont know about you......your life is your....so i cant stop you from what you want to do.....rethink about it.....dont think it too hard and dont think it too easy......

sorry if i worte something that you dont understand.....i try my best to make you understand.......

( im sorry if i said something that make anyone mad....i only write what i see and know from others..... )

 

[candi]

I dont think there is anything wrong with visiting your boyfriend (as long as you dont stay at his house with his family). I visit my bf all the time. My friends cover for me every single time. I'd tell my parents I'm going to a school workshop and visit my bf instead. He lives 5 hours away and by himself. Just know to be safe and know your bf.

 

[angelxtasy]

Ok well I need help, I was thinking what I am going to do is it wrong? Here's my story.

Well I am going to visit my bf out of the state alone at first I was not planning to tell her and have my 3 best friends cover for me, but then I felt bad for hiding this from my mom and what if something happen and they don't know where I really am, so I decided to tell my mom the truth and now she is not letting me go. I will be traveling alone and I told her when and when I will leave and come back, at first she was kinda ok with it but the next day she told me I cannot go because it will be a disgrace to my family. And that I should listen to what she is saying and not go. I understand where she is coming from but the reason why I don't want to listen to her about me not going is because i am 20 years old I have been listening to my mom all these years that I never did anything without her permission. I always ask her first before doing anything and now I think I am old enough to make my own decision I did tell her too but she does not understand. So I was wondering what I am going to do is it wrong?

GF, i'm 23 and i cn't even go anywhere without my parents permission.
I think this is all due to the fact that we are HMONG girls.
We have to hold tradition, our culture, and our reputation.
Once we do something to disgrace the old 'gs [cov laug] we will no longer
be respected and talkd about by everyone. And trust me, Hmong people
talk more then you'll ever imagine. Once it spreads, it goes faster then lightning.

I dn't think and believe wat you are doing is wrong.
Personally and self decision wise. You are legal to do what you wish.
But b/c we are born to be who we are. It depends on if, your
willing to sacrifice For what you really want. Is this somthing,
you really need. If not, maybe its best not too. But, if you Must.
I say go at it with cautious. You are not alone in any of this.
Many of us Hmong girls also feel same as you do.
Maybe diff. situations, but same rules and same feeling.
~ Good luck miss.

 

[hmongSTER]

believe it or not.. our moms makes the best decisions. or at least mine does.. lol.. you wont realize it until you have your own kids.. thats when youll look back and be like.. "damm.. she was right the whole time."

 

[hmoobibleeg]

Your mother is correct. Remember a man will treasure you more if you respect yourself. If he is a good man, he will come to visit you. He will travel far and near, come day or night if he wants you in his life.

 

[narita4u]

It seemed to me that you like and love him more than he loves, likes and misses you. You are chasing him instead.

Here, we do not talk about right or wrong, or old enough to make your own decision. But we talk about safety and about boy go take more time to see girl instead. Boy should visit the girl, boy should get higher education and higher salary and going out more than girl.

If he loves you and like you more, then he should come to see you. If not, then it seemed you will play the game to get him. He may not love you and like someday in the future when he has enough with you body. I understand you may say about equal right or equal treatment. Parents should allow boy and girl the same but girl is not save to go alone or go alone. Why you have to see him, why not him to see you???? B/c you love him more and he loves you less????

 

[milacute04]

Ok well I need help, I was thinking what I am going to do is it wrong? Here's my story.

Well I am going to visit my bf out of the state alone at first I was not planning to tell her and have my 3 best friends cover for me, but then I felt bad for hiding this from my mom and what if something happen and they don't know where I really am, so I decided to tell my mom the truth and now she is not letting me go. I will be traveling alone and I told her when and when I will leave and come back, at first she was kinda ok with it but the next day she told me I cannot go because it will be a disgrace to my family. And that I should listen to what she is saying and not go. I understand where she is coming from but the reason why I don't want to listen to her about me not going is because i am 20 years old I have been listening to my mom all these years that I never did anything without her permission. I always ask her first before doing anything and now I think I am old enough to make my own decision I did tell her too but she does not understand. So I was wondering what I am going to do is it wrong?

you're not wrong.. you grew up in america thinking that it's ok.. but i also think that it's very important for you to balance the two culture.. culture and beliefs should be respected and therefore i think you should really think it through... i mean why can't he come and visit you.. and if you want to go and visit him, you should take someone with you and stay at a hotel or something... nowadays it's also very dangerous for women to travel alone.. maybe even take your mom with you.. lol.. they're parents and they will be protective over you... like i always tell my sister, just becuz you're over age, that don't mean it's going to be over for your parents to stop telling you what to do.. they will keep telling you until they're gone.. and even then, they will come into your dreams and tell you... and like my mom tells me, you have the same face as your parents.. you will carry your parents face with you wherever you go.. and if you make one mistake, your parents and family's face and name will go down with you.. so just think it through before doing it...

 

[gurlie]

woah...you are only 20....way too freakin young to go visit your bf out of state. especially since you are going by yourself...dumb move there...u r only 20..if you were like 25..then i would say go for it..who care what your parents say and who care about losing face..do you really care what everyone think.. it's true what they say.."you only care about people you benefit from whether its mental feelings or money or anything"....however since you are only 20..i say stay and tell him to visit you....now if you are 20 and living by yourself and driving your own car and working and being independent then shoot...go visit him...you paid for the ticket rite..