Well sometimes maybe his secrets are better kept untold to you.
We are in the Hmong culture - and sometimes it's easier for the men to get away from their sins.
Are you sure you've fallen out of love with your husband? If you're happy and sad at the same time, then I believe that you still love your husband, you guys still have some love in there but you just need to rekindle your love. You're sad because you don't want to leave your husband yet you're forcing yourself to leave him because you think he is also the one who makes you unhappy... but...
Have you ever given your husband a chance to make you happy? - or did you always think that you've given him enough chances? How many chances is considered to be enough though?
Some husbands are not so lovey dovey after marriage - and it's something that you have to accept. You can't always expect to receive 'surprises' like you used to when you were still dating.
Have you ever thought about the things that he has done for you? - or did you always take him for granted?
Did you ever tell your husband what you wanted from him? Do you even communicate with your husband, or do you guys only eat from the same table and then go your own separate ways after that?
Did you let that someone else blind you from your husband's love toward you?
Why do you think that you had the time to find someone else to love/care about you??? It's because you haven't spent enough time with your husband - you haven't given him the chances, the cues that you need him too. What if for one week you spent all of your time on just your husband, what do you think would change in your life? Don't you think you would learn about your husband all over again how wonderful he is?
also, don't just look at your relationship from your point of view.
Re-analyze yourself. Are you being a good wife to your husband? are you taking care of him the way a wife is supposed to care for her husband?
My dad says there are 3 ways a woman can make her husband and her relationship unstable:
(I hope you can read Hmong, and also that my Hmong is correct too)
1- Koj tus txiv tsis tau tej yam ua nws ntshaws - puas yog nws xav tau me nyuam, xav tau hauj lwm ua, xav tau nyiaj, xav tau koj?
2 - Koj puas ua noj ua haus rau koj tus txiv?
3 - Koj puas tau mus nrhiav hluas nraug?
Don't even think that if you leave your husband he cannot find anybody.
For txiv neej, they can always find hluas nkauj ua tseem tsis tau muaj txiv dua li.... But for poj niam, do you really think that koj tus other person yuav hlub koj tiag tiag yog koj tso koj tus txiv? What if after koj leave koj tus husband es the other man finds ib tug hluas nkauj tshiab? Think about it - (i am assuming that other person is single?) yog nws tsis tau muaj dua poj niam, will he want to marry a woman who has already been married? or would he rather find someone else who has never been married - someone like him?
Yog nws muaj lub siab mus steal someone else tus poj niam (like you) then wouldn't he muaj lub siab phem mus find someone else after he's through with you? Yog nws paub tias koj tsis hlub koj tus txiv es nws puas xav hais tias in case in the future koj tsis hlub nws nes, would he still want you too?
But.. reading your comment all over again - secrets are the past. If you both know how to love each other, then you would let the past go and move on with your life- build your life together this time, not separately. You have to become one, not two separate identities. If you keep going back to those secrets of the past then obviously you cannot move on.
Think carefully. Xav kom zoo zoo.. or you end up in the real "zoo" where other people will just watch you live your miserable life.
I hope nobody gets offended by the comments I made. I just see some things in this way and maybe you can think about your life again before you do something you might regret.
