Please Help...RIP Kenny "Kace" Khammanivong

aikoden

♥DREAMER♥
Staff member
^ My condolences to you too Sarn.  My grandmother passed away when I was in 8th grade, just 2 weeks before my 8th grade promotion.  I remember taking care of her and tending her wounds while being a care provider assistant.  Thinking back, I regret not taking the best care of her.. I admit I was young then.. but just thinking back about it always make me sad.  Oh I miss her dearly so, but at least we know our grandmothers are in a better place now and no longer in pain.  It's saddening to hear that some relatives that live so close by never swing by to just say a simple greeting or hello, just a little something like that once in awhile can brighten a person's day.  I try my best to always visit my relatives every once in a while just to give a simple greeting and to show that I still care and remember them.
 

Thookatha

sarNie Elites
sarN said:
I send my condolences girl! Your cousin death are the same as my  nephew, a car accident  . He barely turn 18  as well. While the car was spinning after the impact he leap out the window but didn't make it , half of his body was crush under the vehicle and he was already dead at the scene . It was so sad!!! Never expected ! While I was under hot water for a few years and couldn't return to my family in the US , I missed my grandma the most . She lived with us for over 30 years and out of all her grandchildren , my family are the closest to her . And from the time i can remember not one single grandkid visit her on a regular basic , the most was 1 x every 5/10 years and they only live 10 min away . I was always there to take her to doctor , temple , or where ever her heart desire . When i was able to return back in the  country I couldn't even stay in my  hometown. I have to stay in TX and she would call me every week to come home and tell me how much she miss me and no body take her to the doctor . She keep on mentioning  if she die i wouldn't be able to make it to her bedside . She told me that she no longer live with my parent and move out to live with my Aunt because without me nobody have time to take care of her . I was sad and felt so bad because i know it hard to please my grandma if she live anywhere else she wouldn't fit in , even if the people she live with are her children.
 
I was so happy when news come that i can goes back home . I still remember her smile and how she hug me and complain how much weight i loss . Sadly , her life was cut short . One month after I return home she pass away in her sleep , she was 95 . I cry so much at the hospital . I was so mad at all my cousins because they only appear when she dead and while she alive they did not care or attend to her need or even call. It been about 7 months since her death now and i move into her old room ever since . She always wanted for me to get marry and have a family because she wanted to see my kids before she pass way . I regret it now . I should had listen her and marry that Dr ! She liked him and wanted me to marry some one smart. I refuse because i dislike the idea of arrange marriage and to an older man . I remember what she said to me that day " sarN , if you don't marry that man at your  age now . You will never marry at all and you will be an old maid " . O' gosh . I crying now. T T . I'll send my share. ok
omg, sarn, we literally went through the same stuff...i never knew that...everything that happened to u (minus the having the leave the U.S part) happened with me too.

in the last few years of her life, grandma lived with me and my family. actually, she was living with us off and on before that too for most of her life, but bc of random things, she switched in and out of auntz and unclez homes (the same reasons u mentioned with ur grandma). me and my family were the closest to her. and for as long as i could remember, no one ever usually visited her despite being close by. i took care of my grandma these past few years, but deep down inside there were many times my attention to her was not at itz full worth. so, therez a ton of guilt and hurt inside of me. i cant explain it all, but itz the most painful feeling i ever felt. the last few months of her life, i kind of treated our daily interactions like it was routine. came home from work, prepared food for grandma, and just talk to her for only a few mins, then said my good night...and just headed straight for my room. only maybe a few times in the last month could i actually remember sitting down with her to truly spend time and talk.

i remember three nights before grandma passed away, she asked me y i didnt sleep with her. and the dumbest reason i told her was i couldnt really sleep with the lights on. yeh, wtf, right. that was my excuse. even though it was true that i had a tough time sleeping with lights on, deep down inside i know it was a lot of other dumb shit...like i didnt want to sleep early, i just wanted to play on the internet...watch lakorns...whatever else. in my head i just thought she would be around forever or something. she seemed so healthy! i didnt know she would be gone from me forever...only three days later. i actually feel hate for myself right now. i know itz not something i should be thinking or feeling, but i do feel it. the amount of anger i have for myself is as much as a knife piercing my heart. if i could turn back time...even for just a few months...i would be just...so grateful.

i want to type more things im feeling inside but it hurts too much. in fact, it took everything inside me to just type the last four or five sentences. the truth is i read ur post to this thread two nights ago...but i havent stopped crying since reading it. i really havent been able to respond. therez nothing to justify that in the last few months of her life, my attention to her just lessoned and lessoned...and it makes me sick that i took her for granted.
 

sarN

sarNie Granny
Why do i feel we have the same grandma ? It was the same for me too . She often want me to sleep w/her but i have other crazy thing to do as well and only now after her death that I move into her room  . Back then, since we live together for so long it seen normal to have little conversation and neglect her a little or even disobey her . But I was always there if she needed me to do anything  . Out of all her grandkids she said I'm the only one that can give her a good massage because i have strong arm and can last longer than anyone , sometime until she fall asleep , even when i pull her white hair i can do it for hours  and till now she have a quarter size bald spot as a result. We argue and have our differences but i was never mad/or loud at her because at the end of the days I know she will come to me with treat and kind words to make up with me. My grandma is a very religious person and old fashion . She a very difficult person and very picky , even her kids sometime disagree with her but for me no matter how harsh  her lecture were  I was never hurt by it or take it to the heart , therefore I  was able to endure her personality and joke around her all time . I guess all her kids and grandkids wasn't able to accept this kind of behavior/treatment  and decided to stay away . There no asian grandma out there that doesn't lecture , no matter if she wrong or right we as her children should not hold that against her and neglect an old lady till her finally days , that's why i was so mad at all her children . 
 

Thookatha

sarNie Elites
sarN said:
Why do i feel we have the same grandma ? It was the same for me too . She often want me to sleep w/her but i have other crazy thing to do as well and only now after her death that I move into her room  . Back then, since we live together for so long it seen normal to have little conversation and neglect her a little or even disobey her . But I was always there if she needed me to do anything  . Out of all her grandkids she said I'm the only one that can give her a good massage because i have strong arm and can last longer than anyone , sometime until she fall asleep , even when i pull her white hair i can do it for hours  and till now she have a quarter size bald spot as a result. We argue and have our differences but i was never mad/or loud at her because at the end of the days I know she will come to me with treat and kind words to make up with me. My grandma is a very religious person and old fashion . She a very difficult person and very picky , even her kids sometime disagree with her but for me no matter how harsh  her lecture were  I was never hurt by it or take it to the heart , therefore I  was able to endure her personality and joke around her all time . I guess all her kids and grandkids wasn't able to accept this kind of behavior/treatment  and decided to stay away . There no asian grandma out there that doesn't lecture , no matter if she wrong or right we as her children should not hold that against her and neglect an old lady till her finally days , that's why i was so mad at all her children . 
O-M-G....we do have the the same grandma...soooo crazy....thatz EXACTLY how it was with me and her....
 
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