Do opposites really attract...?

[ohitsnoyyy]

Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this because usually I don't check out guys who are opposite of me. BUT... since I think I'm crushing on a guy who's totally opposite of me & it just got me wondering if opposites really attract. I talked to one of my close friends about it & he said I should give "my crush" a try & tell him how I feel. So I go on telling him that I don't know how it's gonna work because we don't have much in common. But my friend was like "opposites attract & trust me, it'll work out" & I'm just wondering how!? :huh:

If a guy I like doesn't have anything in common with, how can it possibly work out? Or at least I can't see it working out. LOL.


So what do you dudes & dudettes think?

 

[Thookatha]

it's probably the idea that because u guys are so different, things will always be exciting cuz u won't know what to expect. but of course, it could a horrible surprise just as much as it could be a pleasant surprise.

 

[7270]

hm. i'm usually attracted to people who share similar qualities to myself. this is from experience, and at that point, i didn't know them yet. i guess i pick up on subtle cues like their mannerisms, body language, etc....

with time, i find out that we share similar qualities. i've never once been attracted to someone who was completely different from me. even if a girl seems a lot different from me (key word being "seem"), we do, in fact, share similar qualities to how our families are, to our past, to our hobbies, etc....

and if you are attracted to someone different from you, i sincerely don't think it matters. what i do think matters is that you two share common core beliefs or can accept your different beliefs w/o it being a "compromise". it's just something that doesn't bother you. b/c if you don't, i believe that is what ends a relationship eventually.

i agree with your friend. give it a shot. don't worry too much about it not working out. just enjoy the moment.

 

[Mya]

I do believe that there is a strong initial attraction between opposites. For relationships to work between them, there is going to be a lot of negotiation because of differences in values, beliefs, interests, etc. For long-term relationships, I would prefer sticking to someone more like me. I think that in the long run, someone who was the total opposite of me would just drive me crazzzzzzy. I've also read articles that couples who are more alike tend to have longer lasting relationships because they share things in common.

 

[MasterMind]

Yes and no. My husband and I are complete opposites on the surface. He's outgoing, the life of the party, extreme extrovert. I'm more shy and reserved, and hate to party. I would rather stay home with a good book! But beneath the surface, we share similar values and goals. I think for long term relationships, you would need to have that common ground.

 

[7270]

^^ yesh. completely agree.

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

I agree with Mastermind Tim and I are soooooooooooo freaking different, but at the same time we share common value, morals, goals in life, and we understand each other really well. I'll give some examples.

Tim is the really easy going person and very outspoken and loud he can easily fit in anywhere me I start off shy! I'm real quiet lol but at the same time I'm really loud and flirtatious when you get to know me LOL .. We argue because we never agree on something and eventually our arguments lead us to a common element or a common agreement ... people even tell us that we're so different ... but behind closed doors beneath the surface we talk about many things and we are both really family oriented and would do anything for our families, we are both education bound,

So it just depends on what you mean by "different" cause you guys can be opposite above the surface like Mastermind said but the same beneath the surface... I think you should give it a shot and get to know how things will work out

Also, sometimes being opposites is good in long term relationships because tim is like fire and im like ice when he is extremely agitated and pissed off I use reverse psychology and calmness to cool him down. I always challenge him and his arguments so that he knows I am not the one to let him speak above me . I always give him the alternative and things he don't see from others point of views and he has started to be compassionate about that For example

He use to hate how I would automatically lock the door Our car was an old school car lol because he loved old school cars anyway I would automatically lock the door upon leaving the car even if he was in there and i'd come back and he'd have to unlock it for me... he was like why would u lock the door while im in here it's stupid and blah blah and i told him.. well it's an auto reflex because im so use to locking the door. Wouldn't it be better if i was use to locking the door vs use to leaving it unlocked?

Its taking time but he's slowly starting to see things from my views as I am his

 

[noungning]

# guy is right... with my point of view on opposites attract...

i am attracted to people that seem different to me... but in the end we are almost very similar to being the same person which is kinda hard to grasp but it's been like this many times for me.

i fell head over heels for someone that i thought was like someone i've completely wanted to be with... he was what he portrayed as that ideal person i've looked for... but then i discovered he's just a chameleon in disguise so i said move out the way bitch... haha ok kidding.

but i did find someone that touched my heart so deeply. and he is that person that i've looked for. he's quite quiet which is total opposite of me being overwhelmingly talkative most of the time... but silent to the core at times... he was very caring to everyone and we had stubborn qualities to almost of equal value lol.

i think those things of opposites attracting are mere appearances, he's tall, i'm short, he's quiet, i'm loud... etc. we just need to compliment one another... one makes up for what the other lacks... i think that's how it's supposed to work when they say "opposites attract" but it's not always that way...

i really don't think that if it's opposite in many other aspects such as religion, beliefs, morals, and etc. the compatibility level will be severely hindered. so let's say i am a buddhist, but my "crush" is a strict christian and wants me to convert to be a christian, i don't think it's possible i can... and i know right now it might be OK if we are just dating... he's living his life, i'm living mine... but when we get married and he expects me to cross over... i doubt i'd be able to...

anyways, i can't find someone i'd like to involve my life with right now... think i am too single to be emotionally involved... it'd drive me insane... but yet sometimes i do ...oh gosh, what gives.

 

[fun]

Yes and no. Have you watched He's Just Not that into You! Very good movie and hilarious!

Well Noy, you guys already have one thing in common... OPPOSITES lol... Give it a try!

 

[ohitsnoyyy]

Thanks for all the good feedbacks dudes & dudettes... It's really helped me a lot.
& I think I'm FINALLY being open-minded about this whole "opposite crush" thing.
But I can't tell him!!! Or at least not yet... haha.

This "opposite crush" of mine is actually a good friend who I've known for 4 years. I'll call him Ted. The funny thing is the past year or so, his friends have told me that he likes me, but-- me being me-- I just brush it off like it's nothing because as of right now, it is nothing. I guess what i mean by opposite is our interests. We just have different interests. I like going to clubs/bars, dancing, being flirty, always touchy feely and so on. But my friend/crush doesn't like the clubs/bars. He couldn't dance if his life depended on it! LOL. Plus he's more of the outdoors type. He loves fishing, which I am not fond of whatsoever. He's just ... into nature. Always going camping & stuff... But not me.... ooh no... I wouldn't last a day in the wilderness! I'm not high maintenance but I'm a clean freak! I don't like getting dirty & all that stuff. & music... ahh... we have different taste in music. I mean, I can listen to all kind of musics... but my main streams are hip-hop, rap & r&b. Him... he'll listen to rock, oldies (like the temptations & marvin gay and so on...He's a big oldies person). I mean, I like oldies but whenever I'm in his car, that's all he listens to... I'm not use to a guy who listens to slow jams all the time.

But what really got me questioning these "feelings" are his friends. In the past month, his friends have really like got on my case but especially his case. Whenever I go out with him & his friends, they'll tell me that he likes me & all that stuff but I just laugh it off and say whatever.. don't say that... blah blah. Because I really didn't wanna hear it. I don't wanna know that a close friend of mine likes me. It'll ruin the friendship. So I just like shrugged it off. They're tryna play cupid for us or something!

His friends keep reminding me that he likes me. I don't know for a sure fact if Ted really does like me because he's never given me a reason to think so. I mean he'll ask me about my love life & all but that's normal for me. All my guy friends always ask me about my love life. Plus he's not the type of person to express his feelings so I can't tell or read him. But his friends, on the other hand, are always telling me that I should get with him because... "he's a sweetheart... a nice guy... a gentlemen... blah blah blah..." I know that already or else I wouldn't be his friend. LOL.

I mean I know that Ted is really a genuine person. I guess I was finally able to strip the outer layer of his appearance & focus on the real him. I mean, he's not the first guy I'll check out. His appearance doesn't impress me. Call me shallow but He's just not my type. The only thing good about him is his height. LOL. He's tall. But anyways, Ted's type of guy that will do anything for his friend... He's always been there for me. He's done so much... given me so much. Whenever we go out, he'll pay for it, even if I tell him no, He'll still pay for it. I don't like it when a guy pays for me, it's a pet peeve & I try to pay for things sometimes but he always gets to it so I don't know...

Another thing that really got me thinking that it can actually work between us is he's not a jealous person or at least I don't think he is. lol. When I'm around him he doesn't like suffocate me. He doesn't get mad if I flirt with his friends, grab their asses, or dance with his friends. He's just whatever with it. But what really made me all "awweee" for him was what happen over the weekend.

Me, him & his friends went to the bar on Saturday to celebrate his 22nd birthday. (his friends are always throwing parties & doing things together). So we're at the bar, everything's going great but something goes down with Ted's friend, Naan. Some dumbass white dude rushes up on Naan, putting his hands on Naan & putting his hands on Ted's homegirl Kathy! The dumbass white dude grabs Kathy by the neck & drag her to the dance floor! What the fuck was up with that!? No dude puts his hands on a woman!!! I didn't see this go down because I was busy dancing. What happen was Ted's homegirl, Jenny pulls out of the dance floor & she kept saying, "We need to go" & by this point, I'm drunk & confused. Everything's a blur...

I just remember seeing Ted in the corner & he's heated. I've never seen him heated before. The security's tryna calm him down & so were some of his friends. So me & Jenny rush over to him, trying to hold him back but he's losing his cool. Screaming & cursing! I'm screaming his name, holding him back from I guess kicking the other dude in the crowd. But then he just lost it we get thrown out of the bar.

So we're outside... it's me, Jenny, Kathy & Bee. Me & Jenny are tryna hold back Ted back from going after those guys. I don't even know those guys look like. I'm still confused at this point. All I know was I needed to get Ted out of there or else he'll do something stupid & get arrested. But he's a big dude, so it's hard to hold him back. But he's not listening to us so this just pissed me off & so I just take off. Now i'm crying, walking by my self. Ted comes after me, apologizing & all that stuff. & I'm still confused what the hell happen! I'm drunk, confused & I could barely walk straight.

But anyways, he tells me the reason why he lost it in bar was because he heard me screaming & he thought that some dude had put his hands on me so he was gonna rush on the dude. He was like "No guy...! No matter how big, small, fat, whatever, puts his hands on a woman! I hate it when a guy puts his hans on a woman!" So I'm just shaking my head telling him that no guy put their hands on me & that I was fine. He was like "if a guy ever put their hands on you, oh hell, I'll lay him flat! I don't care if I go to jail! Forget that!" So he was just going on and right there is when I realize he's truly cares for me. Plus... he said it himself, even though I may not remember every single word of the conversation, I remember him saying that he cares for me & that he won't let anybody hurt me. Not a lot of guys that I've talked to or dated have shown me that & I guess, I'm finally opening up my heart. haha. sounds cheesy but true!

OKAY.... I've said enough so I'll shut the BLEEP up! unless anyone wanna comment on it. lol.

 

[7270]

holy batman. yesh. that is a long post.

sounds like a cool dude. should the opportunity come up, you should definitely give dating him a shot if you're interested. if things don't work out, they don't work out. you just never know. have fun with it and try not to worry too much. i understand you wouldn't want to lose a good friend like him should things not work out, but believe me, if a friendship were to end b/c of a romantic relationship not going through, it wasn't a strong friendship to begin with.

i know about someone physically not being your type. there was this one girl i had a thing for a few years ago. ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY not my type. she was tom boyish, aloof, had short hair, doesn't like big dogs, dissed Michelle Kwan, etc... but since I liked her, for some reason, she eventually became cute, & i couldn't understand why.

goodluck kiddo.

 

[noungning]

aw haha ur story... it reminds me of someone ...and he's the one that made me fall head over heels for him... but then, i realized... we couldn't break the friendship line

i think guys that show they care, although it wasn't purposely showing, like those that tend to do it -_- makes a girl's heart tingle. it just makes you feel really good. and then that's what i call love.

i totally understand what you mean by being shallow hahahaah... i really wish those that say looks don't matter should shut the hell up because it sure does matter... they know for sure if a person isn't attractive enough... they'd not give them any time of the moment. that's y many relationships that goes outside of just that first glance then giving it a chance works out to be a stronger relationship. some people falls in love via a mutual friend or coworker etc... because these people will get to learn each other's personalities to grow to like and appreciate who they really are...

like the millionaire matchmaker, patty says "stop thinking with your dicks and think with your hearts" vice versa for girls i suppose, but it's the appearance more or so lol... gosh the show is so funny haha.

 

[ohitsnoyyy]

sounds like a cool dude. should the opportunity come up, you should definitely give dating him a shot if you're interested. if things don't work out, they don't work out. you just never know. have fun with it and try not to worry too much. i understand you wouldn't want to lose a good friend like him should things not work out, but believe me, if a friendship were to end b/c of a romantic relationship not going through, it wasn't a strong friendship to begin with.

i know about someone physically not being your type. there was this one girl i had a thing for a few years ago. ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY not my type. she was tom boyish, aloof, had short hair, doesn't like big dogs, dissed Michelle Kwan, etc... but since I liked her, for some reason, she eventually became cute, & i couldn't understand why.

goodluck kiddo.

Awe thanks... Seriously my friend is not my type whatsoever!
I mean, I'm still surprise how we even manage to be friends after all these years!
I don't know how we manage to keep a phone conversation for numerous hours LOL.
But now I know that I truly do like the fellah... not because of his looks or anything but
because I'm finally able to get pass his looks & actually see the real person he is.

BUT-- I'm not gonna pursue anything yet simply because I need to get my shit together
first before anything else does down. Plus... he's going through some person stuff & I don't wanna get in his way....

aw haha ur story... it reminds me of someone ...and he's the one that made me fall head over heels for him... but then, i realized... we couldn't break the friendship line

i think guys that show they care, although it wasn't purposely showing, like those that tend to do it -_- makes a girl's heart tingle. it just makes you feel really good. and then that's what i call love.

i totally understand what you mean by being shallow hahahaah... i really wish those that say looks don't matter should shut the hell up because it sure does matter... they know for sure if a person isn't attractive enough... they'd not give them any time of the moment. that's y many relationships that goes outside of just that first glance then giving it a chance works out to be a stronger relationship. some people falls in love via a mutual friend or coworker etc... because these people will get to learn each other's personalities to grow to like and appreciate who they really are...

like the millionaire matchmaker, patty says "stop thinking with your dicks and think with your hearts" vice versa for girls i suppose, but it's the appearance more or so lol... gosh the show is so funny haha.

LOL. So true... I mean, Saturday night was the first time he has EVER told me he cares for me. First time he has ever shown me he cares. He's not the type of guy to show his feelings or at least he doesn't show or express them to me. We were both pretty drunk on saturday, but I knew by his tone, he's really sincere & he wouldn't let anyone do anything to me. *blush*

Most of my guy friends say they're always there for me or they got my back or they will take on any guy that hurts me but Ted actually showed me that if anything were to pop off, he would really do it. He was seriously gonna rush at the dude who "supposedly" laid their hands on me. Ted's a really chill dude & Saturday night was the first time I've seen him explode like that. Shoot... I've known him for 4 years & I've never seen this side of him before... you know the genuine, "I will hurt a dude if he lays a hand on a women" type of guy. haha. I guess it's because he has 4 sisters so that's why he knows better than to disrespect a girl LOL...


But I guess what's stopping me from pursuing anything else is because he use to date my friend back in our senior year of high school. Well... more like summer after high school. She wasn't a close friend of mine or anything but we did hang out. We all went to prom together so I don't know, I just feel like I'll be the backstabber if I do pursue Ted... :unsure: I mean, I hardly see her but all of those who went to school with us knew they dated so... I don't know.

But the fucked up part was my friend who dated Ted broke up with him over a text message. Ted was heartbroken! He was asking me to talk to her & get to the info as to why she broke it off. Well... it turns out that the only reason why she went out with him was because she like felt sorry for him. That was low... -_- && come to find out, she had a man behind Ted's back... Oohh... I never did tell Ted that... I don't think he can hold it... Ted did everything for her too. Whatever she wanted, he gave it to her... he was totally heartbroken for weeks!

Even though Ted & my friend aren't together anymore, I still feel like if I were to pursue Ted, I'll be betraying her, even though I hardly see her. So... that is yet another problem for me...

 

[noungning]

[...] Most of my guy friends say they're always there for me or they got my back or they will take on any guy that hurts me but Ted actually showed me that if anything were to pop off, he would really do it. He was seriously gonna rush at the dude who "supposedly" laid their hands on me. Ted's a really chill dude & Saturday night was the first time I've seen him explode like that. Shoot... I've known him for 4 years & I've never seen this side of him before... you know the genuine, "I will hurt a dude if he lays a hand on a women" type of guy. haha. I guess it's because he has 4 sisters so that's why he knows better than to disrespect a girl LOL...

i know exactly what you mean because i've got so many guy friends... they all promise the moon and stars, all talk talk... which is sickening... i prefer someone that doesn't speak so much and delivers what speaks louder than words. words and actions are so different. i prefer the action prior the words haha...

But I guess what's stopping me from pursuing anything else is because he use to date my friend back in our senior year of high school. Well... more like summer after high school. She wasn't a close friend of mine or anything but we did hang out. We all went to prom together so I don't know, I just feel like I'll be the backstabber if I do pursue Ted... :unsure: I mean, I hardly see her but all of those who went to school with us knew they dated so... I don't know.

oh the friend thing... well if u feel that u like him enough to move forward, it'd be worth a chance... but if u don't think it'd be something u even want to persue then maybe it's good to wait off a bit.

But the fucked up part was my friend who dated Ted broke up with him over a text message. Ted was heartbroken! He was asking me to talk to her & get to the info as to why she broke it off. Well... it turns out that the only reason why she went out with him was because she like felt sorry for him. That was low... -_- && come to find out, she had a man behind Ted's back... Oohh... I never did tell Ted that... I don't think he can hold it... Ted did everything for her too. Whatever she wanted, he gave it to her... he was totally heartbroken for weeks!

wow that's harsh... reminds me of one of my friend. some girl went out with him for 1 day and they broke up... then i later heard she went out with him just because she wanted to prove to ppl she can get with him...

he was in a relationship a LONG LONG time ago... he's a good guy... but very dull. in other words, if i were to ever date him, i wouldn't know what to talk about and i'd have so much to say... hahah

it's just so wrong to mess with someone like that!!! so wrong. but i think he wasn't so affected by that 1 day or 2 days relationship...

Even though Ted & my friend aren't together anymore, I still feel like if I were to pursue Ted, I'll be betraying her, even though I hardly see her. So... that is yet another problem for me...

something good to think about, sometimes you just have to be selfish for your happiness. stop thinking for what other people are going to think... and think about what you and the person who will be in this relationship will feel and confront with... beause in the end, that's what matters most, u and him (and of course family once it gets that far).

 

[ohitsnoyyy]

i know exactly what you mean because i've got so many guy friends... they all promise the moon and stars, all talk talk... which is sickening... i prefer someone that doesn't speak so much and delivers what speaks louder than words. words and actions are so different. i prefer the action prior the words haha...

oh the friend thing... well if u feel that u like him enough to move forward, it'd be worth a chance... but if u don't think it'd be something u even want to persue then maybe it's good to wait off a bit.

wow that's harsh... reminds me of one of my friend. some girl went out with him for 1 day and they broke up... then i later heard she went out with him just because she wanted to prove to ppl she can get with him...

he was in a relationship a LONG LONG time ago... he's a good guy... but very dull. in other words, if i were to ever date him, i wouldn't know what to talk about and i'd have so much to say... hahah

it's just so wrong to mess with someone like that!!! so wrong. but i think he wasn't so affected by that 1 day or 2 days relationship...
something good to think about, sometimes you just have to be selfish for your happiness. stop thinking for what other people are going to think... and think about what you and the person who will be in this relationship will feel and confront with... beause in the end, that's what matters most, u and him (and of course family once it gets that far).

Ohh seriously... Most of these guys are all talk... I use to talk to one of my guy friend & he seem like the sweetest guy. I mean he is a sweet guy. Always being cheesy & putting a smile on my face. I mean, whenever I was around him, I felt bubbly & all mushy inside. But before we made things official, he turns around & tells me he wanted to be friend because his feelings for me weren't as strong, plus he had another girl on his mind that he wanted to pursue. What made the situation worst was the fact that the next day, he asked that chick to be his girlfriend. Soo all his talk went to waste. He wasted my damn time.

As for my current crush, the more I start thinking about our friendship, the more I really appreciate him. He's done sooo much for me (as a friend). All the times I've whine & bitch about things, he still put up with me. Like the one time we went fishing on a boat (i should've never went). It seem fun at first you know, fishing on a boat out of nowhere... but... I didn't think twice about the fact that I might get motion sickness... LOL. so the whole time we were fishing, I was feeling like crap... had a major headache, feeling sick to my stomach, headache... body ache... the whole nine yards! I felt so bad for being sick, but things happen. BUT -- Never again am I going on a boat. LOL.

I know I'm trying to pursue my crush but I don't wanna make a move yet. Not that I'm scared! I've made a move on guys plenty of times before haha... It's just, he's never given me any hints or reasons that he likes me. I mean, I kinda had a slight feeling he had a crush on me because whenever we hung out, there were times I felt him staring at me & it's not the kind of stare a friend gives another friend. It's just a different kind of stare. I really don't know if it's a sure fact that he likes me... yeah, his friends may have told me that he likes me but I guess I rather have him come out & say it to me. I know actions speaks louder than words, but sometimes hearing words will give me some kind reassurance.

Like last saturday when we went out for his birthday. We were chilling at the parking structure waiting for his friends. We were sitting on the curb somewhere & I was like pissed or something. So then he starts explaining to me why he went off in the bar. He thought some guy had hit me, thought that a guy had laid hands on me. He said he heard me screaming but I wasn't even screaming. Actually I did, but I was screaming at him so he would calm down. I told him I was fine & that no guy put his hands on me. Shoot... I can take care of myself when I'm at a club/bar! I'm a grown woman! LOL. But anyways, he tells me that if a guy did put their hands on he would lay them flat & that he didn't care if he went to jail for it. So I tell him, there's no need to go to extreme for me. & then I ask him why he would put himself in that position & why he would go through so much trouble for me. He said because he cares for me. & I'm tryna get more out of him besides that he "cares for me". LOL. I guess I was tryna get him to tell me he likes me or something. haha. wasn't successful... poop. LOL

As of right now, I haven't really talk to him about it. I'm still not 100% sure if these feelings I have for him are for real. My mind tends to play games with me so I don't wanna rush into things. I've been in a situation before where I think I like someone & once I tell him, I lose feelings. So I think it's best to keep things as they are & if something happens in the future, then it happens.

 

[7270]

i can't believe i read all that. well then.

 

[noungning]

yeah that's also true... words makes that much of a difference!

because you don't also want to interprete the wrong information...

i knwo that look u are taking about... it's that look that once you look into each other's eyes... u have this urge to just peep a smile. it's not one of those looks that just feels so empty and blank... i know what u mean omg... i need a bf ... i think... ok let me go shopping

 

[Jieb_Lover]

I don't know for me I'd like a guy similair to me. I don't want a wild guy since I'm not like that. It'll be hard for me 'cause we have our differences but that's what I think though.

 

[Libra078]

For me I think opposites do attract I say try it out!!
I mean whats the harm in it except getting rejected!
I mean if you don't try it out you'll probably get regrets and
having that saying in the back of your mind "what if" so try it!!

 

[the_one]

I agree with Tina up there, my bf and i are total opposites nothing much in common but alot of the same thinking.