Women's problem starts with MEN

fun

Expired Sarnie
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;


Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:
MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HIS terectomy .

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN ?
 

darvil

sarNie Adult
Thats a funny observation.

Just for it.. I would like to bring back and oldie but one that always makes me smile.

That is.. the mathematical proof that women are evil.




We can agree that A girlfriend is a product of time
and money right?

Girlfriend = Time * Money

Your girlfriend is a woman!

Girfriend = Woman
Woman = Time * Money

We all know that time is money...

time = money
woman = money * money

woman = (money)^2

We also know that money is the root of all evil,
correct?

money = sqrt(evil)

woman = [sqrt(evil)]^2

Hence,

woman = evil

WOMEN ARE EVIL!!!
 

fun

Expired Sarnie
Why women should stay single

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "NO!"

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself. She watched chick flicks, not football, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in tracksuit pants, and burped, and farted all the time…


This one is not so funny but if you are not taken and want to feel good about yourself this will certainly cheer you up.
 

fun

Expired Sarnie
Dictionary for Women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.: A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n.: What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.: You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.: Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n.: Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.: An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.: The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend ½ an hour writing, then forget to take to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.: Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.: Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n.: You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n.: On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n.: The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.: Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.: A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

My aunt likes to forward a bunch of random stuff to me.
 

fun

Expired Sarnie
Darvil get more jokes on women! Ahahaha I was like trying to do the math in my head. Math is so hard with words. LMAO
 

7270

7270
Dictionary for Women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.: A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n.: What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n.: You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.: Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n.: Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.: An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.: The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend ½ an hour writing, then forget to take to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.: Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.: Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n.: You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n.: On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n.: The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.: Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.: A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

My aunt likes to forward a bunch of random stuff to me.
womanese is a really scary language, if you don't know it. :lmao:
 

ChenrukNote

Goddess
LOL Fun,

I love the diet soda one. Actually the only diet soda I like is Dr.Pepper, it tastes so much better than the original. Mmmm and half pound bag of peanut M&Ms is heaven!
 

Toon

Official Robert Pattinson Ambassador
hey guys thanks for posting these...I was so pissed off at my bank b/c they messed up my balance...but then I logged on her and yeah you guys made me laugh so hard...I'm going to actually forward these jokes to my friends if no one minds...
 

chubs

sarNie Egg
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.: An appliance designed to eat socks.
:loool: :loool:


GENDER ITEMS

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over
inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
 

chubs

sarNie Egg
and my fav....



What a Woman Wants in a Man

What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22)
-----------------------------------
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32)
-----------------------------------
1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42)
----------------------------------
1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52)
----------------------------------
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting
5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62)
----------------------------------
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Doesn't forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers when...

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72)
----------------------------------
1. Breathing
 

cecilia

Staff member
^OMG .. natty, that was too funny .. people's perception change as time goes by ..
the last one cracked me up, by then, i probably won't look for love anymore, health problem.. :loool:


Why women should stay single

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "NO!"

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself. She watched chick flicks, not football, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in tracksuit pants, and burped, and farted all the time…


This one is not so funny but if you are not taken and want to feel good about yourself this will certainly cheer you up.
i like that "she live happily ever after" .. traveling around the globe :clap:
it's a lonely life sometime, but the feeling comes in disperse, and disappears in no time :lol:
 

fun

Expired Sarnie
LOL Fun,

I love the diet soda one. Actually the only diet soda I like is Dr.Pepper, it tastes so much better than the original. Mmmm and half pound bag of peanut M&Ms is heaven!
I used to work at McDonald, I try not to giggle when girls order diet coke and like with a large meal and ice cream!!! :lol:

hey guys thanks for posting these...I was so pissed off at my bank b/c they messed up my balance...but then I logged on her and yeah you guys made me laugh so hard...I'm going to actually forward these jokes to my friends if no one minds...
Go ahead, my aunt likes to forward email to me some random stuff that she gets from the internet and other places.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
REMOTE CONTROL can be both. Ahahaha I like the subway definition ahahahaha :loool:
 

genkers

sarNie Juvenile
too bad it was all ruin by guynecologist bc its spelt gynecologist al lthe other one makes sense bc they spelt that way but this one ruins it
 
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