[My little angel]
I heard the door open and soft step came closer to the bed as the empty side became occupied. Lifting my eye lids and with the moon seeping through the window allowing light to come in, I smile upon the beauty that slept soundlessly. Her steady breathing spoke of a sweet dream and the much happiness she will receive.
Pulling her closer into my arms while covering her with the blanket, I silently let the tears out demolishing the strong frame I have built till this very moment. The aching of my heart split into two knowing everything was not the same anymore. The difficultly of breathing made me gasp for air while trying to maintain the noisiness as I cover my mouth with my hands. Such pain it is to endure this alone while keeping the peace from breaking down inside this household.
Every possibility of wanting this to be a dream and waking up smelling the freshness coming from the kitchen seems so far to reach. How did things turn the way they did?
With one hand still covering my mouth, I reach out to stroke her cheek and move aside her bangs. My wet fingers left a mark of wetness onto her skin, something I have seen many times when I see her crying by herself. Tears I wish to never be there. Tears that should not be dropping due to sadness. And tears that hurts so much.
Lying on my back, I shut my eyes, wanting to stop the tears from leaking and taking deep breaths to calm my aching heart, hoping for anything so this feeling would not be this painful.
There were so much to endure and so much to let go. Yet, how come I was not able to protect the very being that was next to me?
Have the existent finally realize my story was going to end and leaving nothing but pain and sorrow for a future that has not begun?
Reopening my eyes, I turn back looking at the figure next to me as she soundlessly slept. Placing her into my arms and letting my very eyes to close, I allowed the numbness of my heart to capture a dream where happiness still exists and no one was able to take it away.
Soon unconsciousness took over and the dreams vanish with nothing to be seen except two hearts beating steadily. Where sleeps overpowers the emotion of one very soul and surpasses pain.
…
Taking her small soft hand as we walk through the grass, her holding onto two white roses while I carry the basket of food. The weather is nice today with the soft breeze passing by once in a while and the smile on her lips spoke of happiness to be here. I could not help but smile back yet it hurts to know I am not able to give her the wish she wants.
Slowly letting her hand go as she ran to the big tree where a stone sat, I held in the tears when she turned to look at me. Her lovely almonds eyes and the two dimples are the features that resemble the strong love that once used to exist. Shortly making to her side as I begin to set the food onto the small sheet and sat next to her listening to her speak her stories.
I chuckle when she spoke of me. The sweetness it is to hear the many stories share to the only person who is not here and idly was not coming back. Yet here she stood, the only place that will forever blossom this tree and make the beauty come when time cherish it most.
With the day coming to an end and the sun heading towards the horizon I finished packing while watching her give a small peck onto the engrave stone. Taking her hand, she gave a wave as we walk back to the car. Half way she stops squeezing my hand. I heard sniffing and looked at her seeing tears in her eyes. Going to her eye level, I pulled her into my embrace while she cried out. It hurts to see her in pain when I am not able to mend what cannot be replace, but can only try my very best to keep it alive.
The three words broke the wall I had built up since this morning while I held in the tears hushing telling her everything will be okay. Swaying her in my arms and humming her a soft melody before she finally softly stop crying as her head laid on my shoulder, “
daddy, I miss mommy.” She whispery spoke as I finally let the tears out, “I miss her too my little angel, I miss her too.”
Who says it was easy to move forward? Who said everything will be okay and things will soon pass? Whoever wrote my story probably knows my suffering yet chooses to ignore the little angel who wept in tears for being motherless.
I stood on my knees with a fragile heart and pray for this nightmare to disappear. The little bundle in my arms slept soundlessly and the darkness above us shimmers with specks of lights. The moon has hidden with no path given leading to an endless blackness of what was left behind.
Now that my story has been told, I hope you share me yours. Love comes in many different kind of ways. Mine just ended sooner than I anticipated, yet she was able to give me this beautiful angel. The very creation that spoke through our love and the everlasting gift of happiness.
-My Angel
