Marrying Young

[Muddie Murda]

It's something that I'd NEVER understand. I'm not really attacking anyone...or atleast I hope not.

But why do some girls marry so young?? From like age 12-17, even before they get out of high school? :\ What's going through their mind? Is it all just marshmellow world to them? That everything will be all sweet and fluffy full of magic and love?

Some girls work so hard in high school to get the best grades so they can get the best scholarships...and they do! One girl got her whole 4 years being paid for. But she met her "soul mate" and then a few months later, she dropped everything and went to get married. Her husband isn't that well off. He still lived at home with his parents and his many brother and sisters and sister-in-laws, already graduated a year or so ago.

And then there's those 13 year olds and up...who's hardly done with school. They want to escape their troubles and get married, unknowingly, making more stress?? And then a few years or even MONTHS, they get divorce....and some run off again to get married. Over 6 marriages so far this year. *cries*

They're sooo young and have so much to accomplish, yet they to skip everything and live like adults already at that age.

Huy, it bothers me so much, especially now and days, because this year is like "the marriage" year. My best friend had just ran off to get married And she's 17. The very day of her graduation, she took off. And then all my other friends, just getting into college, but dropping out to get married and have kids. And then my brother just married his wife, who's 17 and not out of high school yet.

I guess I'm mad and envious...they have dreams and passion, but they drop it all for "love." While I'm here, with no dream and no passion for anything. lol Atleast give me their school smart brain T___T.

 

[AznGirlTha]

i know right! why would u do that to yourself? okies... those girls that say they are in love at the age of 12 u got to be kidding me right? i dont even believe in love well i do just not right now. but i just recently saw a schoolmate of mine. she has three kids! she's my age. 17 or 18. okies i understand first kid mistake. second okies stop there. but third kid put a cork in it! i saw her at walmart and she was a full time mom! shopping for food and having the kids all around her yelling and screaming. why would u choose to do that to urself? after marriage what are u guys gonna do? umm... work. work... oh ill go to school but u know what u wont bc u will be too busy! *okies i totally went off ur topic muddie murda sorry* but i know what u mean!

 

[sarN]

o' i understand how u feel girl . i hate to see young girl give up all dat to get marry at a young age . i don't mind if young guys drop out of HS to be w/ me at a tender age of 12-17 cuz im old enough and woking so i can support them i guess im discriminating against guy but yeah young girl have it harder den guy . IT does make u want to ask those young girls

- do you know it hard to find jobs as a HS drop out ?
- in the long run if you have kids how you goin support them if yourself is depending on other to live ?
- does dis have to do wiht love or lust ?
- is the guy forcing you ?
- is it cuz ur family isn't supportive of you w/ this guy ? if so u think runing away will solve problem ? cuz it only create
- there so much thing to do and have fun do you want to spend ur teen year as adult already ?
- you still have a couple more year to free load from your parent while u in school . do you know wat bill is ?
ect ect .. lazy at the moment lol.

 

[teeRuk]

wow..interesting topic muddie..i so agree with you..and its just something that i dont understand either.i dont know what's running through their mind to just drop everything like that.look @ me..im freaken about to hit the 30's and im not married yet..lol and when i was at that age..shoot i didnt think about getting marry or even having a bf..lol i was just all about school and friends...but i guess kids nowadays think more different then us...gosh..live your life as kid while you have the chance..cos that childhood only happens once..but once you get married and everything..those moments are gone..completely.everyday i wish i was still a kid again..or still in high school...being an adult is not all fun.its alot of responsibility especially when you have kids and a family to care for..but at the age of 17?? thats just crazy..i wish something would just knock some sense into their head!!!

 

[Nameless]

marriage is scary. i suffer from marriage-phobia.

 

[nophankh]

But why do some girls marry so young?? From like age 12-17, even before they get out of high school? :\ What's going through their mind? Is it all just marshmellow world to them? That everything will be all sweet and fluffy full of magic and love?

Huy, it bothers me so much, especially now and days, because this year is like "the marriage" year. My best friend had just ran off to get married And she's 17. The very day of her graduation, she took off. And then all my other friends, just getting into college, but dropping out to get married and have kids. And then my brother just married his wife, who's 17 and not out of high school yet.

I guess I'm mad and envious...they have dreams and passion, but they drop it all for "love." While I'm here, with no dream and no passion for anything. lol Atleast give me their school smart brain T___T.

Hey why are you envious? Their kind of love is stupid and irresponsible. You don't want this short-hand kinda love. Yea, at the moment it may feel great, but this is just the short term effect. Ewwww...12-17, that's freaking crazy. I just turned 24, and I don't plan to get marry until I'm 35 or 40. Marriage never appeal to me.

Hopefully this doesn't offend you. By chance are you hmong, I heard that hmong culture promotes young marriages.

I have to agree, this year is like "the marriage" year. My cousin from Kansas is getting married this Saturday. Don't worry she's 26 and has been with her bf for the past 5 years. She also graduated from Graduate school. This other lao girl that I know is also getting married. She's older too. Some other girl, my cousin, I haven't seen is getting married too. They all graduated from college and have decent white (haha) bfs. I'm more envious of them than your young birds. All the people I know have their lives together and planning to start a responsible adult life while I'm muddle in a juvenile state. I'm not envious of the white bf, but I'm envious on how they accomplish so much and now they are moving in the right direction.

wow..interesting topic muddie..i so agree with you..and its just something that i dont understand either.i dont know what's running through their mind to just drop everything like that.look @ me..im freaken about to hit the 30's and im not married yet..lol and when i was at that age..shoot i didnt think about getting marry or even having a bf..lol i was just all about school and friends...but i guess kids nowadays think more different then us...gosh..live your life as kid while you have the chance..cos that childhood only happens once..but once you get married and everything..those moments are gone..completely.everyday i wish i was still a kid again..or still in high school...being an adult is not all fun.its alot of responsibility especially when you have kids and a family to care for..but at the age of 17?? thats just crazy..i wish something would just knock some sense into their head!!!

I totally understand where you're coming from.

marriage is scary. i suffer from marriage-phobia.

Me too, yipee, I'm not alone!!!! My parents have been married for the past 26 years and I still don't understand how they can make it while others seem to fail at marriage. My parents rarely fight, they know when to hold there grounds and when to let it go. My younger aunt and uncle are so horrible. They bricker about everything, I'm surprise they are still together. My other aunt doesn't even talk to her husband. They have respect for each other, but they don't communicate. It's kinda sad.
From my parents, I see that a happy marriage is possible, but their marriage is few to none. Actually, my parent's friends are all happily married while there kids are divorce or at the brink of divorce. I just don't get how it works.

In the future, I see myself in a loveless marriage. I see myself as a derived person if I marry.

 

[rukD2B]

Oh my god, Mud! How ironic that after you posted this thread, you and Lekkie picked on me? TT__TT

Meanie.

LOLs. Just kidding. I guess, in this case, I'm just glad that I'm anti-dating. ^__^

Ha, ha. LOLs @ Nameless.

 

[teeRuk]

anti-dating..lol thats cute..hehe

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

LOL I guess I'm guilty? hahaha well maybe I'm not exactly 17, but I am quite young I guess? ... LOL but then again.. every situation is different? I am definitely not promoting young marriages, but at the same time I can't say that its all bad otherwise I'd be a hypocrite... because me and the hubby are fairly young we're a year apart... although we are young we are pretty mature and we realized the consequences as well as the good of our decision. we both work I still go to school. He is still trying to get to use to life in texas and use to the area before he picks a school to go back to, but indefinitely he is.. so I'm guessing its based on the peoples maturity level also... we haven't exactly dated for 5 years, but we talked about and we've cleared things up on what we'll lose as well as gain with our decision.. everything's been fine =] .... a year ago when someone told me I'd marry at this age I would have been like whatever you're crazy and stupid, but eh now LOL lookie me.... and I guess a lot of people are like "it's lust you two will regret it" well those people makes me want to slap them .. I mean sure I understand where they are coming from when they see our age, but at the same time they have to realize not everyone is the same? It's hard to believe but people my age do have our own type of maturity level. Sure it may not seem like it, but it is. yeah I am still very much focused on school .. I'm working .. I maintain my family time as much as I do school and work.. I'm doing fine in school.. so I guess I'm one of those few young marriages that work out ok? My hubby supports me in school and even helps me out. When he has the time he picks up my stuff and read over it for his knowledge also. So I'm not gonna say I don't like how things are because I Love them...

and oh yeah sarNies I'm married haha lol

 

[vina_lek]

wow. that's really young to get married... 13?!! :blink: but eh, everyone makes mistakes & they learn. if marriage turns out to be a mistake for them (sometimes these young ones will make things work out. i'm not going to underestimate them), then they can make a choice. making one mistake isn't an end-all.

 

[KEdoubleNY]

5 things you gotta have or consider before getting marry.

1. Maturity
2. Money
3. House
4. Car
5. Good Job

Money and Good Job is not the same because you might have MONEY (from inheritance or you won the lottery .. or maybe in least likely cases .. you a dope dealer lol) ... and not work for 5-10+ years .. depending on how much you have. Good job is being able to support your family financial .. but not rich where you don't have to work.

Maturity is when you know how to take care of yourself and your family. Knowing from right and wrong. Speaking sense than act impulsively. Forgiving others and moving on even tho you keep fallen.

House and Car cause you need a place to call home .. Car to drive yourself to work or drop off the kids at school.

So, if you live with your parents .. still in school .. working at Micky Dz .. don't even think about getting marry .. or in the worst case for girlz.. getting pregnant becuz .. its gonna be hell for you .. it also ruin your future plan.

Lastly, for all you young couples out there .. love+sex = good .. but no house, no money, no car, no job ... thatz gonna be HELL for ya .. THINK before you act. ACT when you know you won't REGRET later.

from urz truly ..

Dr. FLuFFeR

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

5 things you gotta have or consider before getting marry.

1. Maturity
2. Money
3. House
4. Car
5. Good Job

Money and Good Job is not the same because you might have MONEY (from inheritance or you won the lottery .. or maybe in least likely cases .. you a dope dealer lol) ... and not work for 5-10+ years .. depending on how much you have. Good job is being able to support your family financial .. but not rich where you don't have to work.

Maturity is when you know how to take care of yourself and your family. Knowing from right and wrong. Speaking sense than act impulsively. Forgiving others and moving on even tho you keep fallen.

House and Car cause you need a place to call home .. Car to drive yourself to work or drop off the kids at school.

So, if you live with your parents .. still in school .. working at Micky Dz .. don't even think about getting marry .. or in the worst case for girlz.. getting pregnant becuz .. its gonna be hell for you .. it also ruin your future plan.

Lastly, for all you young couples out there .. love+sex = good .. but no house, no money, no car, no job ... thatz gonna be HELL for ya .. THINK before you act. ACT when you know you won't REGRET later.

from urz truly ..

Dr. FLuFFeR

Hahah I have a question what if you're married, but your parents won't let you move out? LOL because my hubby and I my parents prefer us to live with them.. and I prefer it that way too because my sisters need me and I take them to school so ... and my parents don't know much when it comes to legal stuff and handling their finance's so I take care of that for them, but in return for them keeping us here to help them out we also pay the bills and our car we pay for that too... we pay our own school tuition.. we buy food for the family... so I mean would that be consider a home and car? When it comes to money we're making enough to feed my 4 younger sisters and buy them clothes for school and school supplies and send his little brothers and parents money for food and clothes and stuff too... so everything in our decision is based on our family... and IF I did have a child right now I think I'll still be able to handle it and still go to school.... After all I'm looking after 4 younger siblings and one is a baby... one barely going to school... so basically I'm already a mother.... to my 4 younger sisters.. and I work and go to school... I manage my families budget including my parents so I guess that can be considered maturity?

 

[KEdoubleNY]

Different people .. different minds .. different situations .. different communities .. different places ..

look into all that and you'll understand .. we all have different things that we face and its not the same .. people who live in the suburb might act and do differently than people who live in the inner city (ghetto) .. people in the suburb might be better off in .. (living, financial, jobs etc.) than people in the inner city (ghetto).

When I say 'HOUSE' I don't mean moving out of your parents' roof .. I should reword this 'if you live with your parents' to .. 'if you living off your parents' ... cus 'living with your parents' and 'living off your parents' is two different things. In your situation .. it would be 'living with your parents' because you have the responsibilities of taking care of them and your siblings.

Just because you done all that doesn't make you mature. There are a lot of years still ahead of you Tina .. Many obstacles and situations you will face .. and those years will make you mature and more mature as the years goes by. As the saying goes...you get WISER as you get OLDER.

But you know .. in some people cases .. they don't get wiser .. they just do the same mistake over and over ..

 

[rukD2B]

5 things you gotta have or consider before getting marry.

1. Maturity
2. Money
3. House
4. Car
5. Good Job

6. Babies

I don't think married kids care about abstinence, not some of them, anyway.

No offense. Tina, I'm so happy for you though! <33

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

Different people .. different minds .. different situations .. different communities .. different places ..

look into all that and you'll understand .. we all have different things that we face and its not the same .. people who live in the suburb might act and do differently than people who live in the inner city (ghetto) .. people in the suburb might be better off in .. (living, financial, jobs etc.) than people in the inner city (ghetto).

When I say 'HOUSE' I don't mean moving out of your parents' roof .. I should reword this 'if you live with your parents' to .. 'if you living off your parents' ... cus 'living with your parents' and 'living off your parents' is two different things. In your situation .. it would be 'living with your parents' because you have the responsibilities of taking care of them and your siblings.

Just because you done all that doesn't make you mature. There are a lot of years still ahead of you Tina .. Many obstacles and situations you will face .. and those years will make you mature and more mature as the years goes by. As the saying goes...you get WISER as you get OLDER.

But you know .. in some people cases .. they don't get wiser .. they just do the same mistake over and over ..

Yes my dear I understand what you are saying lol I was just messing with you lol but yeah I completely understand what you're saying, and yes honestly I am not gonna say I am completely mature, because I'm not ... I still have lots of things to learn as well as my hubby. We have our moments where we don't know where we'll go or we had those times.. the beginning everything was rocky because as people our age we thought "money" won't go away lol hahah yeah sad.. so we spent and spent and realized that our whole weeks earnings just went to waste and we look around our room and then our kitchen and we're like uh oh... so after that we had a serious talk and decided to make a budget for different things.. that was one level of our maturity I guess you can say that?

but I'm sure that we'll face much much more as we walk for example... school... he might come home from work one day expecting me to have dinner ready while I was worrying about studying.... now a days he understands, but later on who knows he may not? but that would be another problem he and I would have to discuss later right?

so my dear fluffy thank you =p and lol @ the "living off your parents" part because I have friends who are older than me they are like 25 and 26 and like they still live off their parents.. use their parents money and cars and don't help out at all... and let their parents babysit their kids.. so I guess what you said is true .. it depends on the person and their own minds...

 

[ijohn]

---i think no matter what age you are when marriage fails its horrible... we all seek that someone to fulfill our lives to be one and at what ever age it happens... i think its important that we as friends should support the wishes of what ever situation people get themselves into if they are our friends... i myself have seen my share of divorces and i think we each have a responsibility to ourselves to find our own happiness outside of friends influence and if it fails we learn from it and better prepare ourselves for what comes next... i think as friends our part in marriage is to give advice when it it sought and not give it in hopes to define others as ourselves... we all have our goals in life and decide what is important to us and if we are smart we seek advice but rarely need it when we decide to get married for what ever reasons... my personal opinion is we all mature at different levels and marriage is more about family then friends and for me late twenties even for me was to early to get married... i guess life bares fruit differently for each of us no matter what our age because having a good stable job does not mean that a marriage will be successful it only means there is more wealth to fight over when things don't work out...

---m2c...

 

[iluvnumandoil]

no marriage is perfect....without any rain you will never grow and without sunshine you will never mature

 

[teeRuk]

i totally agree with that=]

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

yup completely, no marriage is perfect.. even mines =x especially one at this age.. but luckily we communicate... there are things he does that drive's me up the wall; but we have to talk about them otherwise if I just try to ignore it and act like nothing is there it'll slowly build up to something more.... and he expects me to tell him... so I guess it's a two person thing... and what I can say though is that normally relationships our age don't use communication very well.. one person does something and the other person doesn't like it so tries and ignore it... haha and honestly right now we're going through a huge rain storm, but it'll pass eventually...

 

[iluvnumandoil]

^^^ if you dont mind me asking you ...how old are you?