I would like girls opinion

[YM_gurl]

I'm a guy here, I understand you preferred a girl's opinion but I would like to comment on this issue if that's not a problem. If one's looking from a girl's point of view, I'm guessing most would say to leave the guy and that he's not man enough. That is what a typical woman would say. Not that that isn't true, that is somewhat true in a way, but you must first try to understand what the guy is getting at. Men and women have different behaviors, especially when it comes to communication. With this said, it is really important to understand each other with an open mind. One must never get upset over the smallest issue if anyone ever want a relationship to work. Never draw any conclusions unless you truely understand the situation. This is the reason why there are so many divorces today, because of poor communication skills between males and females.

I'm a guy, I'll always listen to my elders no matter if it's good or bad because it won't hurt you. Like I said to some of my friends, just take what's good and leave the bad out. One thing I'm seeing today is the childrens today do not respect their elders. They feel that what they're saying are a lot of nonsense, but if you actually take time to understand what they're getting at, you'll learn some lifelong lessons and this is the Truth! Whenever you have free time, go have a little chat with your parents or grandparents, you'll learn a lot.

you are right at some point. but about what u said.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER W/AN OPEN MIND? sometimes, women can't be open mind, if their husband doesn't trust them. you can't be open mind w/him. especially when he listens to his parents only or shall i say.. most of the time.. that's not fair.

True, there are many divorces today due to poor communication. but look at the hmong marriages. Most hmong men, not all but most tends to listen to their parents more than their wife..that leads to divorces at some case.. & of course depends on the husband..

-- There you go "danger" u said it!!!!!! "you will always listen to your elders no matter if its good or bad. "

i, myself respect my elders but because hmong men like you think this way. its not fair. yes, its not nonsense but please, make ur own decision to life too. are you a good boy? haha.. j/k.

 

[kahoua_yaj]

Thank you everyone for ur opinion....that's wat i thought too...
i told her what i think...but she told me it's very hard...2 make a decission...
b/c he always there to convince her...that he do love her...and then leave her for a whole every other week..
and won't u believe the real person or rumors?...she was havin a hard time...

anyway they finally broke up...she did it...b/c she ask if he was cheatin on her...
he jus got mad at her...but didn't say anytin
he even slap her own sister BUTT...
finally he amited that he was cheatin on her...and said that she was the one that
wants to marry him...thats why he ask her to marry hin...but he was the one beggin her...like three time...
he always tell her that he would get a second wife too...
at first she said it's okai... later on she jus not okai anymore
and finally he told her about when he ask his mom...if she happy about their break up (which my fran already
saw his mom and they also talk too...) and the mother told him that she was SO SO SO HAPPY... and that she didn't even like
her one bit...
he told her that he like to flirt and she should respect that...
he also said that he is goin to tell the whole world about her...that she is a bad girl...

What do u think about this situation?...
What would u do if he blame everythin that was his fault to u?
Are u willing to marry to him and knowin that he is goin to have another wife?...
what would u think about when his mom talk to u like she reali like u but was wishin u wouldn't marry her son?
Are u willin to respect him to flirt...while u are fateful?
What u do if he treaten to tell other people the lies?..(and everyone know about the hmong culture right?)

my fran is worryin about the last part...b/c that has a talent of have the ogies to like him...he goes to funeral homes to blow those
big thing at the funeral homes...the ogies like those kind of guys...

i realli need advices...

 

[danger]

you are right at some point. but about what u said.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER W/AN OPEN MIND? sometimes, women can't be open mind, if their husband doesn't trust them. you can't be open mind w/him. especially when he listens to his parents only or shall i say.. most of the time.. that's not fair.

True, there are many divorces today due to poor communication. but look at the hmong marriages. Most hmong men, not all but most tends to listen to their parents more than their wife..that leads to divorces at some case.. & of course depends on the husband..

-- There you go "danger" u said it!!!!!! "you will always listen to your elders no matter if its good or bad. "

i, myself respect my elders but because hmong men like you think this way. its not fair. yes, its not nonsense but please, make ur own decision to life too. are you a good boy? haha.. j/k.

I think I'm a pretty good boy . When I said you must listen to your elders no matter if it's good or bad, I don't meant to do whatever they say. I feel that one must listen to their elders as a sign of respect to them, not to follow them. This doesn't mean that you must do whatever they want you to do, I think that's not right. A man must make their own decisions and be able to distinquish what's right from wrong. If he doesn't understand that yet, then he's not ready for marriage yet. This also goes to the ladies also, many of them today are listening to their side of the family too much which is not good. I know that they're not always good advices ^_^ but you too should be able to tell what's right from wrong and make your own decisions as well.

Most hmong men think like me? If they do think like me, I'm sure there wouldn't be so much difficulties in this world.

 

[YM_gurl]

Thank you everyone for ur opinion....that's wat i thought too...
i told her what i think...but she told me it's very hard...2 make a decission...
b/c he always there to convince her...that he do love her...and then leave her for a whole every other week..
and won't u believe the real person or rumors?...she was havin a hard time...

anyway they finally broke up...she did it...b/c she ask if he was cheatin on her...
he jus got mad at her...but didn't say anytin
he even slap her own sister BUTT...
finally he amited that he was cheatin on her...and said that she was the one that
wants to marry him...thats why he ask her to marry hin...but he was the one beggin her...like three time...
he always tell her that he would get a second wife too...
at first she said it's okai... later on she jus not okai anymore
and finally he told her about when he ask his mom...if she happy about their break up (which my fran already
saw his mom and they also talk too...) and the mother told him that she was SO SO SO HAPPY... and that she didn't even like
her one bit...
he told her that he like to flirt and she should respect that...
he also said that he is goin to tell the whole world about her...that she is a bad girl...

What do u think about this situation?...
What would u do if he blame everythin that was his fault to u?
Are u willing to marry to him and knowin that he is goin to have another wife?...
what would u think about when his mom talk to u like she reali like u but was wishin u wouldn't marry her son?
Are u willin to respect him to flirt...while u are fateful?
What u do if he treaten to tell other people the lies?..(and everyone know about the hmong culture right?)

my fran is worryin about the last part...b/c that has a talent of have the ogies to like him...he goes to funeral homes to blow those
big thing at the funeral homes...the ogies like those kind of guys...

i realli need advices...

what a pain in the ass!!!

 

[YM_gurl]

I think I'm a pretty good boy . When I said you must listen to your elders no matter if it's good or bad, I don't meant to do whatever they say. I feel that one must listen to their elders as a sign of respect to them, not to follow them. This doesn't mean that you must do whatever they want you to do, I think that's not right. A man must make their own decisions and be able to distinquish what's right from wrong. If he doesn't understand that yet, then he's not ready for marriage yet. This also goes to the ladies also, many of them today are listening to their side of the family too much which is not good. I know that they're not always good advices ^_^ but you too should be able to tell what's right from wrong and make your own decisions as well.

Most hmong men think like me? If they do think like me, I'm sure there wouldn't be so much difficulties in this world.

true to what you said, i'll buy that. i guess it goes both ways.

 

[PajHavZoov]

Does she really wanna spend her life as the second fiddle to a freaking mamma's boy?! Or imagine, in 20 years, when she's old and they're old, his parents are gonna be on his side about everything...his womanizing ways, his drinking ways, his gambling ways, whatever...Relationships take compromise, it sounds like neither of them are ready for marriage.

 

[mly]

Thank you everyone for ur opinion....that's wat i thought too...
i told her what i think...but she told me it's very hard...2 make a decission...
b/c he always there to convince her...that he do love her...and then leave her for a whole every other week..
and won't u believe the real person or rumors?...she was havin a hard time...

anyway they finally broke up...she did it...b/c she ask if he was cheatin on her...
he jus got mad at her...but didn't say anytin
he even slap her own sister BUTT...
finally he amited that he was cheatin on her...and said that she was the one that
wants to marry him...thats why he ask her to marry hin...but he was the one beggin her...like three time...
he always tell her that he would get a second wife too...
at first she said it's okai... later on she jus not okai anymore
and finally he told her about when he ask his mom...if she happy about their break up (which my fran already
saw his mom and they also talk too...) and the mother told him that she was SO SO SO HAPPY... and that she didn't even like
her one bit...
he told her that he like to flirt and she should respect that...
he also said that he is goin to tell the whole world about her...that she is a bad girl...

What do u think about this situation?...
What would u do if he blame everythin that was his fault to u?
Are u willing to marry to him and knowin that he is goin to have another wife?...
what would u think about when his mom talk to u like she reali like u but was wishin u wouldn't marry her son?
Are u willin to respect him to flirt...while u are fateful?
What u do if he treaten to tell other people the lies?..(and everyone know about the hmong culture right?)

my fran is worryin about the last part...b/c that has a talent of have the ogies to like him...he goes to funeral homes to blow those
big thing at the funeral homes...the ogies like those kind of guys...

i realli need advices...

Well, no need to worry no more, she already broke up with him. Don't worry about him spreading lies about her. They were not meant to be together. She will find her soulmate one day, but she has to be patient. He can say all he wants, but when the community sees differently, they won't believe him. This is why we date each other before marriage. You date to know how the person is. How good or bad your relationship is, more likely that's how your marriage is going to be. But I'm glad to hear that they broke up. He don't deserve your friend, and your friend deserves to be with someone who will love her and respect her.

 

[mly]

I'm not saying for the guy's family to come first or last because when you guys married you are a family. Your spouse and family are equally important, it's just a matter of distinquishing right from wrong.

What I'm going to say here might be harsh on the ladies, but I'm just trying to help you guys out. These days it seems that the girls are quite desperate for guys, and even when they know that the person they are with isn't a good person, they still want to be with him. And to let the girls know, guys these days are just using most of you for sex. Girls seems to fall really easy for a guy when he sweet talks her and make her feel like he's the one. LoL it's funny sometimes, but also sad at the same time. So girls think before you decide to do anything, for it will really affect you later in the future. TRUST ME !!! This isn't just for hmong girls, but other races also. Like I told my friend, it's so hard to find a good girl these days. So think guys and girls.

You are right! And those ppl deserves to live that kind of life. It's not like things like that don't happen. It happens everyday in the community and yet, there are still stupid ppl out there who think they are so in love and ends up in a bad marriage. Always look for signs when you are dating a person. The day he/she abused you because you made them mad, or always verbally abuse you, get out of the relationship! You cannot say you love someone and yet everyday treat them bad.

 

[PJXiong]

It would depend on what kind of relationship you have with your parents.

Before I got married, my relationship with both of my parents wasn't so good. But now that I am married, our relationship has been the best there ever was.

But since me and my parents were all that close, I chose my husband over them. But now that I think about it, if me and my parents were closer, I'd choose them. Why? Because they would probably treat you better than your new family would.

 

[danger]

It would depend on what kind of relationship you have with your parents.

Before I got married, my relationship with both of my parents wasn't so good. But now that I am married, our relationship has been the best there ever was.

But since me and my parents were all that close, I chose my husband over them. But now that I think about it, if me and my parents were closer, I'd choose them. Why? Because they would probably treat you better than your new family would.

Seems like you don't value your relationship with your husband as much as your relationship with your parents. Remember, koj niam thiab koj txiv tsuas yug koj hlob xwb, tsis yug koj laus nawb. Never let outsiders interfere with your life and think before you do anything, for you'll regret it later in life.

 

[mmm0403]

Before I start a real relationship with a guy, first, I want to meet his family, especially his mothe if she and I can get along. If she doesn't like me, I will stop furthering the relationship. And then i will have him meet my family. If he doesn't show respect to my family, then I will definitely erase him out. There are a lot of guys that only want to marry the girl; he doesn't respect the girl's parents or other family members. He won't go with the girl to see her parents, and when he actually goes, he stays in the car, or when he goes in, he would be sitting in a corner and not talking to her family. A man should love his parents, yes, but if he always choose his parents over you without looking at the situations, then he's not a man worth marrying. I hate when a guy listens to what his parents say even though he knows it's wrong. When a girl marries a man, she's not marrying only him, she also marries his family. Same goes with guys. When a man marries a girl, he's not only marrying her, he's also marrying her family. His family will be her family and her family and be his family. That's how I see it. If the guy that I'm going to marry doesn't like my family or show any respect to them, I will definitely break up with him. I think when it comes to your soul mate, all you can see about him is his goodness. You don't see anything bad about him. It blinds you. I can say all of these now, but I don't know what I will do when I feel in love with a man that was described her--a momma's boy, a disrespect son-in-law. Phew...I hope it won't happen to me.

 

[PajHavZoov]

He doesn't sound like a man...he sounds like a little boy. *roll eyes*

 

[rainie_vang]

lol...oo very hard decisions...
....but think about this,
put yourself in the guy's position
would u pick your girlfriend over
your parents? idk....
would u believe your girlfriend over
your parents? depends on the
case....if it's believable, go ahead
&& believe ur parents, if not,
go w/ur heart & instinct.



-i hope that helps...

 

[Nkaujhmoob_yaj]

First of all, That showing hes not man enough, that doesnt mean he loves u, i bet you hes a mama boi, watch more BEE MONKEY movies.LOL

 

[madalia3]

wells i just have to say wat kinda parent r u to not respect the person ur son loves...and wat kinda in-law would u be if u hated ur nyab and stuff...i had this one cousin who got married to her husband and her husbands family hated her...but then they alway steal her clothes and stuff to wear without asking...and like they always make her do everything even wen she was pregnant...and yea...wells now they dont live with their in-laws no more...because they r always fighting with the in-laws and stuff so my cousin and her husband moved out of the house...but the in-laws were such idiots...they dont ever know wen to stop at all...and they like to embrass their kids rite in front of alot of people too...but the kids are reallie horrible too to yea the family is just a huge messed up family...but i'm glad that my cousin and her husband moved out...

 

[PuRe]

Wow, a lot of stories here. My cousin was in a situation sort of like this. She always visits her parents, especially her mom, and her mom doesn't like my cousin's husband anymore, (she was the one who pushed them to eachother though, oddly enough) so they're divorced now. That just goes to show, don't listen to your parents so much if your relationship is good (my cousin was doing fine with the marriage and her husband loved her up to the moment they divorced, I think he still loves her) And to all the girls out there, this is something I heard from my mom and grandma. When you marry a guy, if he loves you and his family loves you, it's all good. Stay with them. If he loves you and his family hates your guts, it's still okay, not perfect, but you'll live. But if he doesn't love you anymore even though his family absolutely adores you, get out of there. He may have loved you in the beginning, but his eye strays now, so what's the point of staying, right? To your friend, kahoua_yaj, I'm glad that they broke up, and even if he spreads rumours, she could defend herself, but the best way out now is probably to keep quiet and live her life. It's a bit like how my mom was when my step grandma was alive. She spread rumours EVERYWHERE, lol, it got all of us mad. But now, she passed away, life has moved on, and everyone who heard the rumours know better than to believe those old lies, because my mom is a really good person and she is always helping out others in the community. So, I wish the best of luck to your friend! Be a good person and God will see her through it.