Sorry this is so loooooooonggg....and sorry if it doesn'nt make sense.... So I have been married to my husband for 5+ years. I am still having a hard time adjusting to his family. I am not a PERFECT nyab.I must say that all my times being married with my husband my MIL never really ask me to do much of anything (like cook, clean, etc.). She either just hates me or just doesn't like me at all. I must also say in the past their was a dispute between me and her son and she got in between us and I got a little aggressive with her. But that was wayyy back when I just married into their family and was just a kid and didn't know how it would affect my relationship with her till this day. But anyway, since that day she just acts like I am a total outsider. So me and my husband we all live together with my husband's older brother and wife and their kids. But since that day my MIL has "favored" and chosen to "love" my brother in law and SIL over me and my husband and our kids. I must add that ever since that day when I go into a dispute with her I have NEVER over my 5+ years gotten into any other kind of dispute with her. Yet she acts as though I am not her nyab, I am not part of the family. I know she spread rumor to everyone that kuv yog ib tug nyab siab phem (that I am a mean nyab).( I am not good with Hmong spelliing so please bare with me) Everything she ask my SIL to do with her and whenever they do something they never inform me. And its weird-----since then, my SIL has felt the need to compete with me??? You know I was raised in a family where my mom and dad had separated and no one taught me how to cook or do this and that, so I never knew how to cook when I married my husband. Of course being that my SIL knows how to do all that my MIL favors her even more; my MIL and SIL they both muas muas plu (conceited) when they are together. But whatever I don't care. What I do care is that they RESPECT me as ib tug nyab and a human being. Gosh, it seems as though they are waiting for me do a mistake and then they laugh at me. When I ask my MIL to teach me how to cook a dish this is what I always get from her ..."just put whatever you think is good in." and then to myself I'm like what the heck?? I am trying to make this dish for you to eat and I want to learn how to put the ingredients you like into it and you tell me to just put whatever I think is good in??...Ok so I do that, I put whatever I think is good in. After I'm done cooking, I set the table and everything and I call everyone to eat. Guess who doesn't have an appetite to eat?? Yup. My MIL. She will always make some excuse when it comes to my dishes. So I'm just to the point where I am like if you want to be like that than fine. I just won't cook at all because if she decides NOT to eat my food guess who else will follow her..my FIL..and then my food, my time and energy, just go to waste. Back then my FIL would eat what I cook; nowadays I guess my MIL say something to him and he don't eat it if she don't eat it. Makes me so sad and very frustrated...sometimes I just don't care anymore. I tired of trying to please her becuse that just won't never happen. I don't talk much either and thats another part that I am trying to fix. I am not good at opening myself because I have become a very isolated person with other personal issues. I guess thats why alot of people look at me as "dub dub muag." But I am totally not. I've just become this way because I have personal issues (such as depression, etc). I was raised more americanized and hmong language feels like second language to me. I don't really know how to talk in hmong and therefore have a hard time communicating with my MIL and FIL. So thats another reason why I don't open up to them or conversate with them much cause I can barely get a sentence through. Plus they always be using words like way back in the ole days that younger genertions like me don't even understand. **Soo annoyyed when they do that. So Fast Foward to today, NOW, the present. You know that SIL I been telling you about. Well yeah, my MIL is learning that she is probably not what my MIL expected and now my MIL is kinda turning ways and starting to see that I am not so bad after all. So After all that I've been through with my MIL and how she treat me and stuff (and she still kind of treat me like that but less), I don't want to hold it as a grudge. Its hard because I've been through ALOT and have to deal with my own personal problems too. So what can I do to build a better relationship with her? All I want is for her to be happy. Even though some days I just don't want to literally care about her just because she treat me and my husband so opposite of how she treat her loved ones. I cry so many nights but I know that I am true to myself and as long as I am who I am--doesn't matter what anyone says about me. I have never been close to my own parents at all so this is really hard for me to do BTW. How do you guys have conservations with older people? What do you say? I've never even been close to my own grandma for sakes. No one in particular except my husband. Thanks so much for reading this. I hope you guys are able give me some advice.. If you have nothing GOOD to say. Please don't waste your time POSTING it.