Controlling boyfriend

[DaH_LaDiE]

Relationship question:


Imagine this is your boyfriend.

*He don't want you going out at all.
i.e. When you tell him you're going to the mall with your aunt, sister or friend he says "Tell her you're busy."
When you're really not. He just wants you all to him.

*He tells you you can't do better than him. or he tells you that you won't go far without him.

*He tells you you're stupid. Everything you do is wrong unless it's his ways.

*He yells at you for every little mistake you make.

*He constantly puts you down.

*Everywhere you go, you must have his permission. Tell him where you're at, when you'll be back & who you're with. When he goes out, he expects you to understand and allow him.

*Basically you’re now alone. Isolated from your friends, relatives, etc.

But here's the catch,

although he's such a big pain in the butt, he's very helpful to you & YOUR FAMILY.

They love him. He's a great help & he's always there when you guys need help. He’s an arrogant guy. Big EGO.

He thinks he knows how life is so you should follow his orders and take his advices.
When you’ve broken up with him so many times due to his cockiness, & his poor personalities, you tend to get back with him because he knows how to beg you. Make you feel pity. ETC.
It’s hard breaking up with him because you’ve spent so much time with him & know so much about him, vise versa.


What would you do?

This is for a friend of mine.
I don’t know what else to tell her.

 

[mokka]

Honestly to God, I would leave him asap... I mean, it'll be hard the first few weeks, months... but you'll eventually get over him. Seriously, if a guy told me to ignore my friends, I'll be gone.

From reading the first couple of lines, I could see signs of "Abuse" in it.

If I was in your friend's shoe, despite what my family think of him, I'll break up with him. If my family loves me, they will understand that this relationship is mine and not theirs.

I don't know that's what I thought

You can tell her all the signs of abuse you saw in the relationship. Tell her that she could find someone better than him and there are more fishes in the sea to catch. But yea... tell your friend to leave.

 

[nkaujhmoob08]

The BF is too strict.
You really need some space to breathe!
Umm sorry no advice since I haven't been in the real situation before but online xwb. ^-^
So I wouldn't know.
Goodluck! i hope you find what you need.

 

[AsianFemale]

OMG thats one scary BF. I would leave him. That`s not a BF that thing is too selfish.
Better leave him soon before he go psycho. I`m serious! Good Luck dear.

 

[nkaujhmoob08]

OMG thats one scary BF. I would leave him. That`s not a BF that thing is too selfish.
Better leave him soon before he go psycho. I`m serious! Good Luck dear.

haha! true.
I dislike stubborn and cruel personality.
It turns me off.
If i was in that case I totally leave him already and don't come back. Move on and find someone better, someone who is willing to help guide and protect you no matter what situation you're on or the life you live by. Someone who is not able to judge of who you are. Someone who is willing to listen to you and you listen to him. Put out faith and respect each other. If someone you feel insecure or frighten of, that's not love. I doubt those relationship or marriages will last for eternity. So my advice for you is go for the one who will treat you like human and had patience, dear.

 

[YM_gurl]

Tell your friend to leave him, a guy like that. If he doesn't get things his way, there is a chance
he will be aggressive & probably beat up people. I don't do guys like that. What a loser! lol

Ask your friend if she is okay with the way he is now, tell her to imagine.
if they were married, would she be patience & do all that he says..Even if he
is a very helpful person. He's stubborn, bossy & think he knows it all. she will
always have to let him win or else.. When married, you can't break up w/them. You
just have to deal w/them. lol so ask your friend if she see's a future w/him. If not,
she better get out of the relationship asap!!! And of course, guy's are a pro at deceiving
gir'l.. she just need to not feel pity for him. hehe Keep us posted about ur friend!

 

[lakorndemon]

scary boyfriend...there's not a way i'm going to date him...hell no!!! lol...i mean...what kind of boyfriend would tell you he's the only guy that could make you happy and that you cannot live without him...big deal...i could live for a thousand years and be single...lol...and who would put a girl down by saying he's better than you and all that crap...i mean...come on girl...stand up to him and freaken kick him in the nuts...lol...sorry if this is too much but...i really hate guys that fits your description...lol...in my opinon...i think i will leave him asap like mokka said before he turns physcho like asainfemale said...lol...just leave him...too sctrict...and i'll rather have a loving boyfriend than the one who wanted you all to him self...lol...

 

[Mya]

Love is nothing without trust.

And believe it or not, but the person who is suspicious of his/her loved one is the one who's likely to cheat!

 

[HuabNag]

It is difficult to leave when one is in this situation, but eventually there will be a time when your friend has enough of his contrrolling and abuse...she would leave without much thinking...all it needs are sometime for her...right now, she still did not have enough of the controlling so she still have pitty for him..but trust me when she has enough of him...she would leave without anyone telling her or helping her....time will help her get out of this abusing relationship...

 

[nkaujhmooblauj]

i MUST comment on this situation. i had been in a situation like this before in my past. lol.
i felt so free and relieved after breaking up with him, i don't know why i didn't end the relationship sooner. stupid me.
oh well, that was the past and i'm married now. lol. but i'll still share my experience.
okay.. so basically, i felt like i was on a leash when i was still dating my ex bf.
he always wanted to know where i was at, who i was with, what i was doing, and why.
like.. wtf? does it really concern you that much? lol.
it was so bad.. i had to argue with him before i went to WAL MART with my sisters!
and i hated it how he always act like he was super nice and respectful around my parents
when i broke up with him, my mom was like.. "you're so evil. he was a nice guy. why did you break up with him?"
first of all, nobody knows him like i do. still to this day, my mom still thinks i'm evil for breaking up with him.
OMG. i would have died a long time ago if i was still dating him.
it does take a lot of courage to break up with someone like this because if he is suicidal or controlling and obsessed with you
it's gonna be challenging for you to actually end the relationship.
when i broke up with my ex bf, he was stalking me!
i was still a senior in high school at the time, he used to park out with the other cars who were waiting to pick up children and then drive off after i get into my ride.
the scarier thing was when he parked outside of my house a block away and blasted his music hella loud
i knew it was him because of the song that he was blasting. lol. i was stalked for a bit.
goodness. this was a horrible relationship for me and i advise all girls and women to get out of controlling relationships like this.
of course, nobody is in your relationship besides you and him, and we will never know the good and the bad
but if you can't live your life normally and be with him at the same time.
time to call it quits!

 

[mysuper_girlfriend]

Relationship question:


Imagine this is your boyfriend.

*He don't want you going out at all.
i.e. When you tell him you're going to the mall with your aunt, sister or friend he says "Tell her you're busy."
When you're really not. He just wants you all to him.

*He tells you you can't do better than him. or he tells you that you won't go far without him.

*He tells you you're stupid. Everything you do is wrong unless it's his ways.

*He yells at you for every little mistake you make.

*He constantly puts you down.

*Everywhere you go, you must have his permission. Tell him where you're at, when you'll be back & who you're with. When he goes out, he expects you to understand and allow him.

*Basically you’re now alone. Isolated from your friends, relatives, etc.

But here's the catch,

although he's such a big pain in the butt, he's very helpful to you & YOUR FAMILY.

They love him. He's a great help & he's always there when you guys need help. He’s an arrogant guy. Big EGO.

He thinks he knows how life is so you should follow his orders and take his advices.
When you’ve broken up with him so many times due to his cockiness, & his poor personalities, you tend to get back with him because he knows how to beg you. Make you feel pity. ETC.
It’s hard breaking up with him because you’ve spent so much time with him & know so much about him, vise versa.


What would you do?

This is for a friend of mine.
I don’t know what else to tell her.

i hate to see other guys mistreating their girlfriends/wifes

 

[miss_rice]

tell her she needs to leave him as soon as possible. nothing good will come out of this relationship when there is no trust and possibly no love

 

[hmongSTER]

a qoute that i live by.. "you deserve what you put up with" i once told a friend that.. and of course she got mad.. but its what i remind myself everytime i run into a situation like this. "do i deserve it? if not.. then why put up with it?"

and yes.. i have been in this situation.. it was the darkest days of my life.

you can tell your friend all the positive things if she were to leave him.. but she will NOT do it until she is ready.. so i suggest you to just be there for her. remind her that you love her and she deserves better..

 

[u00htg2]

One word. Danger.

She's heading for death if she should piss him off one day, or she will be completely destroyed mentally and emotionally soon.

 

[ddawbb]

this is called mental abuse.
so why is that girl still in the relationship. walk away

 

[narita4u]

Controlling boyfriend,
Well, I think you look you down, he treats bad because you are lacking of education. He loves you and you love him and cannot break away and this is good. But the bad thing is that either you or he has not grown up as adult. amd
do not know how to solve prolem or get along. If you love him then continue your eduation and forget about love. Tell him to continue his education, and you continue your higher education. When you have education and grown up then things will settle down in a way that it supposes to be and you do not have to do anything. He will know how and respect you as a person. If you stay dump with no eduation, then he will continue treat the way it is until the day you are old and you will hardly get his love and treat right since he is stupid, you also are stupid and have no education that's why you do not know how to solve your own problem. Running from this man to another will be the same because you are still being the uneducated girl as usually. You will hardly find someone who treats you right because the way you are, what you are and who you are. You are someone who has nothing to support him but something just to need his body and he just sees as a body so he can play with when he wants but he doesn't see anything other than that that's why you are having problem.

I don't know you and many hmong girls and goys are hanging around and get pregnant and have no education, work at fast food, factory???????? I think you and these kids should be born back in Laos instead and why were born here in Ameica???

Wake up especially those who have tattoo and get involved with bad things and life end up in jail, when gets out and gets not job because bad criminal record. Why get married and get suffering with someone you said you love and crazy about him or her but being stupid, uneducated a country like USA that people are dreaming to come to live???? Hmong kids are blind. I can Hmong kids dress very pretty at the new year or festival to show their body but end up no education. Parents do not care either. Who you want to be ????

What you choose will surely determine your destiny and you know it but you are blind when you see someone you love and crazy about. Please love someone who care about education that is the good and right person you suppose to county as real and true boyfriend.

 

[ceda_lee]

Girl, those are all signs of a potential abuser and a fail relationship. Either your friend plays along and be the happy submissive girlfriend or she gets out.

 

[KhoOnxNouxWanxJai]

Move on. There is no if, ands, and buts. From everything listed above you are talking about someone who has serious issues. Regardless of how helpful he is to you and your family it doesn't make up for all the shit he puts you through. Eventually things will get worst. One day putting her down emotionally won't be enough, one day he'll hit her and then one day hitting her won't be enough, then one day he'll end up killing her... "Oh he's not like that he'll never do that." But I bet the person who says that would have said, "Oh he loves me he treats me right he doesn't hurt my feelings." when she first met him also.

If your friend doesn't love herself enough to move on then she's stupid sorry to say. I don't care what pathetic reason it is. Her parents didn't give birth to her for her to put up with that shit. I had an ex who was really sweet then one day he called me a useless bitch just because I wouldn't loan him money. We broke up that same day. I liked him alot and of course he begged me to go back, but I loved myself enough to know that I'm not some useless bitch and my parents raised me better than that. I'm not saying that her parents raised her poorly, but I think for her own sake she should move on and for her parents sake she should move on

What I'm saying is harsh sure, but does it compare with the shit that it puts her through? Probably not. If she can't be smart enough to stand up and walk out then don't be stupid enough to tell people her problems. END OF STORY.


I know what I've said is pretty harsh, but if she takes it as advice she'll find it useful. I had a friend who was in the exact same type of relationship and she didn't listen to me, her friends, and others. In the end one day cussing at her talking down to her wasn't enough he punched her in the stomach while she was 3 month pregnant with their baby. She lost their baby... even after that she still went back to him cause he apologized and begged for her back.... my friends and I were sitting at our favorite coffee shop joking amongst ourselves and we received a phone call from her sister. We went to see her everyday in the hospital room. He had choked the hell out of her in an argument she was lucky to be alive. We told her if she ever went back to him our friendship would be over at that point. I said the exact same things that I wrote up there with her I said, "If you don't leave him today you will be a useless bitch like he said because one day he'll kill you and your parents won't have you to help them out in life and watch them when they are old. You're going to throw your life away for some dumb jerk."

After that day she left him because she knew we were right one day he would have ended up killing her.

Just because a guy hasn't hit you yet doesn't mean that he never will.

 

[milacute04]

red flag!!! talk to him.. if he cannot acommodate then dump him...

 

[madalia3]

honestly i would leave him cause no girl deserves a controlling bf or an abusive bf.u know what i'm saying...us girls deserve better and there are other guys in the world that will actually love u and trust in u..cause the abusive and controlling guys just have trouble trusting a girl, their girl... and i cant bear to be with a guy u cant trust in me..so yea...i think she should leave him cause there will be a better guy for her who wont be controlling, i mean of course every guy has some control over their girls life, but they should be allowed to control the girls whole life and tell her that she cant do anything at all...cause practically thats what he's saying if he wont even let her go out with her sister...so like yea...there will be a guy who will love her more and who her parents will love as well..he;s not the only guy...