ADVICE NEEDED! =_="

[undecided]

So...I have a situation that I myslf wish to solve but is unable to do so. Situation: My boyfriend wants to get marry with me.

Our Love/Life Story​

We have been dating for several years. I live in North Carolina and he lives 10,000 miles away from me(another state). Well, sadly he use to live in state with me but had to move out of state for personal reasons(which i noe of). We have been thru alot of downs and a few ups, but love each other very much, never cheated on each other and have a strong trust relationship..etc. Just this month he pop up the word marriage. He said," Babe, i love you alot and i noe tat sometime things btwn us dont go the way how we want it"...(ect).."i dont want the world to end and noe tat i didnt get the chance to share my every life moments with you"..."we live so far away from each other and dont get to do the things tat couples should do..".."i wanna marry you and want you to come and live with me"



Let me point out some things:

• yes i love him very much
• my family dont like him much
• his family seems nice
• his parents dont mind us getting marry
• we are 4 yrs age diff.
• we are still young
• and i want to attend college this year
  

he wants me to sacrifice everything jst to marry him and to go and live with him.
what to do??
He noes tat im already enrolled in college but still wants me to sacrifice it for him.
Education is very important to me and so is he.
I also want to b with him but im afraid i mite regret it later in my life cus we're so still young.
i dont noe wat to do.
he's coming next week.
i kinda wanna go but not really.
uurrgghh!!!
help me out!!

((sorry if this doesnt really make sense but im jst trying to make a long story-->short =_="))

 

[Maya_Fantasy]

IF HE TRULY LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU HE WILL WAIT! It's only few years before you graduated, and times goes so fast, you will not regret waiting. Plus it'll be better in the future for both him and you if you were to have the diploma. It will make a family life so much better if by then he still love you and still around. But this is your life, you know better than anyone else, so you will have to make a very hard decision.

Ask yourself if you wanted to throw this opportunity of continue your study away and be stuck with a marriage life that may or may not work in the long run; Or do you want to finish your study that WILL be with you for the rest of your life?

Also what are you going to do with your life once you are married to him? Living off of him and do nothing at all? What does he do for a living? Is he rich or a millionaire? How long is he going to support you before he decided you need to get a job to help the family out too?

If you married him now, and if, only IF the marriage were to failed(God forbid) what are you going to do with the rest of your life if you have no education to back you up if you were to go out looking for job etc?

What do you see yourself do a year from now? What about five years from now? Stay home and have bunch of kids and waiting for him to come home with the paycheck?

LOL not trying to be rude OK, just giving you some scenario of what can and will happens and what a family life is like for some people.

So good luck with your decision, and count yourself very lucky you're not related to me. :angry: hahahaha



---OH my reply is base on what you wrote up there. You didn't mention if he will let you continue your study or not when you're married.---

 

[ddawbb]

Make the decision that will not have you asking yourself "What If" 4 months down the road of life.

Just because you get married, it doesn't mean that you can't go to college. In fact, the place your BF lives might even have a top notch college you can attend. You should do the research.

Not everyone will marry a millionaire. The man you marry will not always be the prince in shining armor with wealth. That is why you two build your life TOGETHER. You plan your life together, go to school together, support each other.

It seems like you haven't talked to your BF about your life together. It seems like it would be important for you to both discuss your goal in life first before you get married.

What if you planned to go to college, get a job, go to the navy, travel the world... but his plans were to get married, work, and only feed his parents?? These two goals don't match, and you will be very disappointed 3 years into your married life when things don't go the way you had envisioned it.

But what if you refused to marry him, 3 weeks later you both break up.. but 6 years later in your life with another man, and your high school friend had married your BF instead? Would you regret not marrying your BF? BUT That's just a scenario.. it is something to think about though...
Good luck.

 

[mokka]

I think if he loves and cares for you he should WAIT... What is wrong with waiting? By getting marry early (Before you start college) you might not be able to experience the "college life". You should experience the college life, it will really open your eyes to many things.

If he is not willing to wait for you then I guess he does not love you enough. From reading your story, looks like he is not making any sacrifices at all. It is you, who is making the sacrifices.

if you think you guys are too young to get marry then you guys are... If Education is important to you then continue on... Like I said... If he loves you enough he'll wait and respect your decision.

Just make sure to live your life with no regrets...

 

[chouakim]

I think marriage can always wait. This is just me personally though. You're still young, and I have to say that going to college is by far something that we all should take advantage of. Surely you can get married, but then you'll have to put school off because you'll have to wait another semester to register, etc. And--might I add. Once you get married his parents will expect you to do a lot of "nyab duties". If you know that you can't handle it and will be distracted, you should talk to him more in depth about this. In your situation, the only regret you would have is not going to school right? So if he loves you enough and respects you enough, he can surely wait. Just like the rest of the ladies who have replied above. Good luck!

 

[pangiaxiong]

If you are having doubt about marrying him. Please wait. Tell him to wait for you. You don't need to rush in a marriage. Rushing when you are young always gets you to regret later. So please finish your education first, and then you can marry him. -_-

 

[beamsgirl]

marriage can wait but just because he decides he's not gonna wait for you, that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you, sometimes some people just need to move on with their life, they're ready to move on and your not so they go on...just shows that it wasn't meant to be that's why he's already at that point and you're not or vice versa...but that's just a thought, hope things does work out for you two
just because you're married doesn't mean you can't go to college, both of my sister-in-laws married in high school, went to college right after high school, and both got done within 5-6 years, which is close to how long undergrad is anyways...one's a nurse and one's an accountant, both have good paying jobs and are surviving...sometimes life may get hard because you're not rich to start off and you might have kids and the financial isn't there and going to school may seem like it's not an option but it always is, you CAN go to college while married and CAN finish college when you're married...again, another thought
it can go both ways, depends on you and your bf, like someone already mentioned, you build your life TOGETHER!!! so talk about your life goals and dreams and where you see yourself or where you want to see yourself in the future, you need to talk about this FIRST!
who knows, you might do better or just well off even when married, you might not...you might do better or just well of without marriage, you might not...we're telling you the options and giving you scenarios because it is your choice, it's not your bf's either...his choice is to get married, so now you have to make your choice...think about what's best for you first, then him, then both of you and your families...

I'm telling you to do this, just sharing my thoughts but I would personally wait...I'm starting my 3rd year in college but my life goals are far from accomplished, with the career that I want, I still have maybe 6-10 more years of school and it's soooo hard to just get one year done, imagine how much harder it is if I get married and have kids...I'm not even sure if I can make it to my goals being single, imagine with a husband and children and all the other things that come with a married life...your in laws might not be like your parents who encourage you to go to school and let you worry about nothing but your school work...my parents don't let me worry about ANYTHING, financial need, food, clothes, bills, even when I work they won't take money from me because they say I need it for school, anything they take care of as long as I get to go to school and FINISH school and GET a good career, but my sister's in-laws aren't...they won't let her go to college, she has two little kids to take care, she has to help with the bills, buy food, do house work, anything as a "good hmong nyab" you name it she has to do for her husband's family...but my family supports my two sister in laws to go to school, my parents take care of everything for them just like they do for me...my two sister in laws don't even have to do daughter in law things just so they can go to school...my friend's family is like that too, her inlaws take care of a lot for her and supports her...
sometimes the in laws do support you but other things that come with a married life makes it really hard for you to go to school and it might take longer for you to reach your life goals...
but again...it's all on you, it's your life so talk about it first before making a decision and whatever you choose, in order to make it a good decision, no thinking about what if...and if you do think about what ifs, let them be mere thoughts only (because everyone has those thoughts once in a while), don't let them become regrets and then your life and don't let it consume you...think of the positives and how it will help you reach your goals...
sorry this is horrifically long

 

[YM_gurl]

Sorry to be nosy but are you around 18? If you are 18 then yes, you are way too young to get marry.

You haven't experience the college life, the real life I called it. lol Be smart and don't throw your life away. At least not yet but with the man you love. Why not right? But because education is very important today. If you feel that you are not ready for some reason, then you are probably not ready. listen to your heart and tell your boyfriend to wait until you finish school. Something i noticed these days, if a girl marries into a family and if she has some kind of degree/job, the guy's family tend to like/love the Nyab more. It's true.

But if you feel you are ready, marry him and start new with him. You can always go to school after you get married. No one can stop you from going to school, only your husband and personal reasons can. However it is harder to go to school, when you are married. The inlaws expects a lot from you, some girl's get pregnant and stop going to school to take care of their kid(s), some just quit but again, this is your decision and make a wise decision because it will forever change your life. Good luck on the decision you make. btw, your family don't really like your boyfriend? Why? that's not good.

 

[mydeepscar]

My advice to you is PLEASE GO TO COLLEGE and wait on the marriage…why???? Because I regret it every day!!! My husband and I been dating for four years…His family move to a different state..he left for couple of months and decide that we should get marry…I’m only 19 and he is 20. I already in college (my second year) but I guess I missed him so much so I decide to marry him…Everything change after we got married. I missed my parent, my friends and sister everyday…most of my credit didn’t transfer so I got to start over…errr…I’m depress every day…he love me a lot…But I wish I can turn back time and enjoy college life! It’s your choice but if he love you, he will wait for you. But at the end of the day…the choice and life is yours! UPDATE if you make your decision.

 

[candi]

If you do decide to get married to him, plan to see if there is a college there where you can transfer. Don't just up and go with him with no plans. If not, don't get married yet. Life will get much more complicated and it will interfere with your career. Honestly, I put my career before my bf because I want to make sure I can take care of myself by myself.

 

[nkaujhmoob08]

oh wow this is interesting and so good..................now imma go think......alot of thinking actually..it should help.

 

[yaksoh]

don't go
break up
u're not ready for marriage
so is he
play out all the solo naughties first
before thinking of getting marry
it's not like guy don't do it
beside ur man mite cheat on u w/out ur knowlodge
since ya two been livin apart for some while
shit, he mite think the same u and not say anything
but propose in case u did
meaning ya two have doubts though they are different
but the outcome will be the same

 

[rainie_vang]

if you're still having doubts,
then stay away from marriage.
especially when you have no job,
etc. etc.
his family will expect you to
successfully accomplish your job
as a housewife, meaning less
time with school...
complicated life...

 

[pangnerlicious]

hmmm..well..in my opinion..its okay if you go...cause if even u go..you
can tell continue your education in his state..still the same thing.
and maybe because he doesnt want to wait no more..and maybe he already
have thoughted about this long time...so he just want to point it out.
But..i dunno about you. for me..i have no idea. depends.

 

[princess87]

Get a life before you become a wife. Enjoy being young before you become a full adult. Go to college, it'll open your eyes to new things and give a wider perspective in life.

 

[pangmoua]

what's your first choice that came to mind? marry or wait? how did you react when he asked you? if you hesitate before giving him an answer, you may not be up to it yet. if education is important to you then i say stick to education first because when you married who knows what will be required of you having a husband and in laws. i strongly think that marriage can wait while education is now or never because as tuition increases you probably don't want to go back to school when you have to pay out of pocket with not too many help. if you're still receiving financial aid/grants for school, take that free money and wait on marriage. if he really loves you, i'm sure he'll understand and wait for you. have all the fun and do what you want to before you wed. that's my thing, once i graduate from grad school and can support myself then i will involve another person but if i can't support myself, no way am i involving another person. good luck on your decision but don't forget to inform us of your decision.